how much is too much?

[HangingInThere]

How often do you speak to your loved one throughout the day?

[Goodfun88]

Normally I text back and forth a few times throughout the day, then he will call before he comes over (which is almost everyday) and we hang out till its time for him to go home and go to sleep. Is there a reason you are asking this question?

[xmrth]

Every relationship is really different when it comes to how often you keep in touch because everyone's life and schedules are different. I don't believe there's a necessary amount of time that needs to be spent keeping in touch, just as long as you do. You don't even have to every single day, as long as you both find a way to keep in touch that works.

 

For example my situation is this: I'd like to talk to my boyfriend every day if I could, but I've come to terms with the fact that he's busy with work all day into the evening and has other matters to take care of so I get calls one night to two nights a week for anywhere from 15 minutes to 45 minutes, to more or less. I myself am busy with college and occasionally being on campus later than when he is even home. Sometimes we go a day or two here and there without talking, but it's fine at this point in the relationship.

It can be easier depending on how long you've been with them, but it doesn't always make the biggest difference. We've been together for many years, though.

 

I really believe if you're only wanting to know how long people keep in touch, and not why, then you might compare... and think it should be a certain way when it is different for everyone, particularly because you're concerned with how often throughout the DAY and not the WEEK.

[RayKay]

Hmm, every couple is different. Every relationship I have had has been different in this respect according to our personalities, relationship, other commitments, and so forth.

 

I live with my boyfriend so during the week assuming we are both in the city (ie not on business trips) we see/communicate several times a day. In the morning it's usually kind of rushed as we get up early, and both or one of us will head to the gym or do yoga before going off to work. During the day, depending on whether we have work meetings and the amount of work we have, we tend to email a few times a day back and forth. Sometimes he works from home and right now my office is close so I can go home for lunch which is nice. At end of day, well, generally I come home and we talk for a few minutes before I start doing some training or head to the gym, or he does. Then we eat dinner together usually, spend some time together in evening before going to bed. If we are in different cities for work, we'll email or text maybe once or twice in the day, then talk on the phone at night.

 

Weekends are more varied. We kinda both have our own things we do on our own, and our things we do together so that affects how much time we spend or how often we talk.

 

But really we are in contact quite a lot, we just tend to like to check in and see how the other's day is going and let one another know if we will be running late....but we also make sure to spend that quality time because really it's quality that matters.

 

Now this has not been case in all my relationships. It's also different as we do live together. There are some where we may have talked once a day, or every other day and saw each other on weekends usually.

[justpaisley]

I talk to my husband first thing in the morning (he gets to work at 6, when I get up, so I don't see him before he leaves), at least twice during the work day, and of course all night. If we're not in the same house, I'd say we talk on average about 6 times a day. He's on a business trip right now, and I generally call first thing in the morning to wake him up, he'll call me on his lunch hour and again when he heads back to the hotel, and generally 1-2 times before bedtime, when we talk again. We may text a few times during the day as well.

 

Then again, he's my best friend, and very easy to talk to. His voice is an immediate source of comfort to me. We've been known to go 3-4 hours into a road trip without turning on the radio.

 

I think a strong relationship should rely on at least daily communication, but every relationship is different. I've been married 5 years and we get happier all the time, so this clearly works for us!

[BillyJean714]

But really we are in contact quite a lot, we just tend to like to check in and see how the other's day is going and let one another know if we will be running late....but we also make sure to spend that quality time because really it's quality that matters.

I admire relationsihps like yours where quality means quality. I kind of miss it.

 

Anyway, my thoughts on this personally? I think that the more two people have in common, naturally, the more frequent the contacts are. It also depends on personality.

 

Some people just don't like to socialize. Some people are just "born" with that avoidant personality trait- naturally, if they were to be together (and I think they should), they'd be a better match for one another because they each really do need that space.

 

Some people like to socialize. They're always happy-go-lucky, and so a person who's always used to having another person's company will naturally get frustrated if they're paired off with a person with an avoidant personality.

 

Main thing is - having lots of things in common and living near each other will more likely increase the amount of contact you have with one another (and also having similar personalities, as well) - it makes it easier to grow together rather than apart.

[zpivat]

After reading the above threads, I am so amazed to see how many couples who actually stay in contact A LOT with their partner.

 

As for myself, sometimes I distance myself from her, not because I am bored of her or anything, but I am worried if my presense would bore/suffocate her, or make her fed up. My secret wish is to be in contact regularly and often, just like the above posters, but I'm too shy to tell/do it, so I generally just keep it cool

[kerure]

When the going was splendid between my bf and I, we talked every possible minute. We live in different countries and there is a punishing 8 hours time difference between us. When he's on his way to work, I'm at work so he gets to calls for a few minutes or leave me a message at least. He calls during his lunch hour which is about 9pm my time and we talk for half an hour or so. On his way hoe, we would talk well into the early hours of the morning till he gets home, prepares his meal and sits down to eat, THEN I go back to bed. We switch turns from time to time. Other times, he stayed up and I called. Weekends were the best. While this was going on, we kept in constant touch via email as well. I remember at some point he would send me a mail saying he knows I'm in the gym but would call to leave a message on my phone anyway. It was really wonderful.. but well, what can I say, things turned sour, the distance got the better of him at some point and we are at that point where it looks like we are definitely over. Sad!!!

 

My point anyway, is that it really depends on how you feel about each other and your shared or otherwise interests. That way you never run out of things to talk about.

[eleanorrigby1]

I had a conversation with my mates about this last night! oddly enough!

 

okay me and my boyfriend have been together 5 months and we spend a lot of time together, I.e, he comes over on a Friday and stays until he drops me off at work on a Monday morning, Wednesday nights he stays too. Monday night he goes to the gym with his mates and I have my night in on my own, do my cleaning, wash my hair, blah blah, Tuesday night I have college after work and then I go to see some friends, Thursday night - college again!

 

Anywayyyyyy he will drop me off on a Monday morning 8.30am at work and say to me "Okay baby see you Wednesday, I will ring you tomorrow" now he wont ring me until Tuesday afternoon and we have a breif conversation then we dont communicate until Wednesday when he picks me up.

 

We are totally inlove with each other and Its nice and healthy that we have our own lives as well as each other, but sometimes I wish he would communicate more, the odd text in the afternoon or phone call at bed time, just to let me know he is thinking of me. Sometimes from monday morning at 8.30am to Tuesday 3pm I wont have heard a thing from him! and I find it hard sometimes, because I wont ring him incase I seem clingy.

[fishin gal]

This sounds way different than my relationship. I always get small talk, and its just to check up on me, to find out where I am and if I have any plans. If you are in a loving and trusting relationship things will be more like yours, no pressures, just longing to connect. With mine, its just policing, not saying anything or doing any connecting. I hate it, a phone call every hour or 10 min if its time to go home. Suffocating.

[fishin gal]

I want my older husband of 7 years to be my best friend, to be there to talk to me when he needs me, or for when I need him. I want to share every day with him. That is not our case. He is a hermit, stays in his bedroom after work, days off, watches tv and dont interact with me or his kids. Im bored and lonely. We have been married 17 years and Im ready to leave. How does this happen?

[fishin gal]

So true about the shared interests!! I have been married to the same man for 17 years now and I feel so distant from him. The only interaction we have is about bills. I know how someone would feel.