he's in love with his computer

[tykiela]

hello all, I'm not sure if I should break up or not. My relationship with my boyfriend has gotten quite boring. He doesn't want to go anywhere or do anything. He spends the entire weekend on the computer. He will get on the computer at about 10am and stay on until 6 am the next morning. He goes to bed for a few hours and gets up and goes back on the computer again for the whole entire weekend. I'll ask him to go out to the movies or something like that and he always says he doesn't feel like it. I feel like i"m in competition with a computer, lol. He is with his computer more than me. When I call him on the phone he doesn't even talk much because he is to busy playing games on the computer. So how can i break him of this habit?

[RayKay]

*You* can't break him out of this habit unless he wants to break out of it himself.

 

If you have talked to him about how it bothers you, and there has still been no change, it might be better to realize perhaps this guy is not the one for you and that you need someone more involved in the relationship and you then in the computer.

 

He sounds pretty addicted, and I would not say you should stick around in something where he clearly is putting you low on his list of priorities.

[tykiela]

well it bugs me alot. because when i go to visit he won't even spend time with me. I make alot of effort to go and see him and when I get there he won't do anything but sit in front of the computer. Alot of times I feel that he is doing it pruposely to ignore me.

[Goodfun88]

I had a relationship like this once. It was horrible, we lived together and he spent all his free time playing MMORPGs and never talked to me or spent any time with me. I would bring it up all the time and he would promise not to spend so much time on there and it would last like a day and he was back to his old ways. I even tried playing with him, figuring it could possibly be quality time, but it was terribly boring. Eventually I had to end it because I couldn't see myself being with someone who never wanted to do anything, not to mention how bad it made me feel that he would rather play computer games than spend any time with me. I totally feel for you, but only you know how much you can take. When I reached my limit, I just had to end it. Good luck to you and I hope it works out for you!

[Dako]

You're lucky to see his faults up front.

Don't become one of those people who falls into the trap of saying, "I love you...now change." That's so unfair. If he loves his computer, you'll be taking something from him.

Find a guy you like from the start, and you'll have something that lasts.

[tykiela]

goodfun how did he feel when you left?

[Momene]

hello all, I'm not sure if I should break up or not. My relationship with my boyfriend has gotten quite boring. He doesn't want to go anywhere or do anything. He spends the entire weekend on the computer. He will get on the computer at about 10am and stay on until 6 am the next morning. He goes to bed for a few hours and gets up and goes back on the computer again for the whole entire weekend. I'll ask him to go out to the movies or something like that and he always says he doesn't feel like it. I feel like i"m in competition with a computer, lol. He is with his computer more than me. When I call him on the phone he doesn't even talk much because he is to busy playing games on the computer. So how can i break him of this habit?

 

My wife got really bad at this. It's still bad but nowhere near as bad as it was. I spend too much time watching telly alone but my daughter's great company.

[tykiela]

dako,

that's what my friends are telling me that he is not the guy for me. I'm very out going and loves the outdoors. I really like him alot tho, and that's the only thing he does that bother me. unfortunately it bother's me alot.

[Boricua7]

I've been down this road before except my ex wasn't in love with his computer. He was in love with his gaming systems; playstation, nintendo 64, and xbox. It stunk. I would get him out every once in awhile but for the most part he was sucked in 24/7. The only time we ever really hung out was at school. I told him that if he didn't make any effort to act like my boyfriend and actually DATE me that I would break up with him. He started to but eventually went back to gaming nonstop when he felt I had been satisfied. I broke up with him.

 

The next guy I dated (my most recent ex) liked to play video games a lot too. For awhile I was scared because I thought he was going to be like my previous ex. Instead of nagging him about not spending time with me I started playing video games with him. It turned out to be a good way of spending time together and it happens to be fun. Have you tried playing any games he likes with him? If you haven't, you might just find out why he likes them so much. Then, if things don't work out you could consider leaving him. Some people don't like video games though, like Goodfun88 so you might try finding something else he really likes and doing that with him too. Compromise. If you like going outdoors so much, spend some time with him indoors and let him get what he wants and then have him spend time with you outdoors so that you get what you want too.

[renaissancewoman101]

Tykiela, my ex was like your bf, always spending time on the computer playing stupid computer games. When I first went out with him, I found that interesting because he would teach me how to play the games with him and we would both bring our laptops to a bar, stay there for a few hours, he would drink and we would play computer games. After a while, it got to me and I wanted to change him and I tried to change him. He changed for a while and did things that I liked to do but he seemed to find no joy in doing my stuff. Pretty soon I let him play his computer games and began to lose interest in him and dump him off on his friends so he could play the computer games with them. He didnt like that and at the end, another part of why he broke up with me was because he said I never wanted to do the stuff he liked with him.

 

You are not going to be able to change him. If he likes his computer games and stuff like that, he is going to want to play them and maybe get you to play along with him. He may change for a while, but he will go back to that. My ex is still the same from what I heard, still loving his stupid computer games, his Magic card games, and his stupid skunk stuff.

[Dako]

If you try to pull him away from his computer, he'll resent it.

It really is a red flag that he prefers a computer to a lady.

[Boricua7]

If you try to pull him away from his computer, he'll resent it.

 

This is SO true! Like renaissancewoman101 said, if he loves his computers he's not going to stop playing games on it. I disagree slightly that he won't change however. If he loves you he can make slight modifications to his lifestyle for you. He doesn't have to give up his games per say but he could spend more time with you doing things you like. Enjoy with him the things he enjoys and as long as he agrees to do things you like with you too, you should be fine. Relationships are all about compromise and communication. If it's meant to be, things will work out.

[PocoDiablo]

I was that guy...

 

I recommend you dump him. I did that for like 6 years straight. It's not going to get better any time soon in my opinion.

[renaissancewoman101]

Boricua7, the guy may make slight modifications for you, but it is never permanent. If they are that hooked on playing computer games, it usually means that they are also using computers and gaming as a way of hiding out from dealing with people. It is what they are comfortable with and how they view the world. After my last ex, I tend to have a very bleak view on guys who are hooked on computer gaming. Two of my male cousins are like that and they are in their 30's, no girlfriends, etc. My aunt despairs of them and is in the process of trying to find someone from the old country to marry them off to. Like my ex, my two cousins are very shy and dont like to deal with people so, besides working as computer programmers, they rather spend their days playing computer games.

 

My ex did try to compromise but it never lasted long. Also he never seemed to take as much joy in doing the stuff I liked as in doing the computer games he loved. I tried out the gaming thing and found it extremely boring and I cant see how people can stay up all night having LAN parties and stuff like that.

[tykiela]

I don't like it because when I try talking to him he never pays atention to me. One day I left for the whole day just to see if he would notice that I was gone. He never noticed that I left.

[tykiela]

oh, and he games on line with other girls. I hear them laughing and having a good time. so he talks to these girls on line but he doesn't talk to me.

[Goodfun88]

When I left, I don't think he "got it". That was the saddest part. I think he ended up getting together with one of the girls that plays the game, so I'm sure he's much happier now with some one that shares his passions, sad but true.

[RayKay]

oh, and he games on line with other girls. I hear them laughing and having a good time. so he talks to these girls on line but he doesn't talk to me.

 

That is even more of an alarm bell.

 

So what exactly DO you get out of this relationship? He ignores, you does not even notice if you are gone, does not spend quality time with you, does not treat you as a partner/girlfriend, puts you low on the priority list...sounds like a great catch...not.

[Boricua7]

I don't like it because when I try talking to him he never pays atention to me. One day I left for the whole day just to see if he would notice that I was gone. He never noticed that I left.

 

What a jerk! My ex never ignored me. Sometimes I'd have to say things more than once or wait to say it because he'd say something like "Hold on" but he never ignored me.

 

Boricua7, the guy may make slight modifications for you, but it is never permanent. If they are that hooked on playing computer games, it usually means that they are also using computers and gaming as a way of hiding out from dealing with people. It is what they are comfortable with and how they view the world. After my last ex, I tend to have a very bleak view on guys who are hooked on computer gaming. Two of my male cousins are like that and they are in their 30's, no girlfriends, etc. My aunt despairs of them and is in the process of trying to find someone from the old country to marry them off to. Like my ex, my two cousins are very shy and dont like to deal with people so, besides working as computer programmers, they rather spend their days playing computer games.

 

This is true. My ex was never the antisocial type nor was he uncomfortable around other people, which is why I guess it wasn't so bad.

 

My ex did try to compromise but it never lasted long. Also he never seemed to take as much joy in doing the stuff I liked as in doing the computer games he loved. I tried out the gaming thing and found it extremely boring and I cant see how people can stay up all night having LAN parties and stuff like that.

 

I can but it's not something I do all of the time. I remember having HALO parties at my ex's house where people would even bring their own systems and T.Vs. It was fun. My ex did like playing games but he was not to the point where that's all he'd do. He liked to socialize and go out with me too.

 

oh, and he games on line with other girls. I hear them laughing and having a good time. so he talks to these girls on line but he doesn't talk to me.

 

Red flag! That's not good AT ALL. I would definitely drop this guy like a bad habit. If he pays attention to other girls who are playing but ignores you when you play with him, he's not worth it. Your friends are right. He's not for you. You deserve someone who appreciates the time he has with you.

[novaseeker]

There are gamers and non-gamers, and then there are addicted gamers.

 

As a gamer who manages to play pretty "moderately" by "gaming community standards" (2-3 hours most days, perhaps more on the weekend depending on what's happening, the weather, etc.), I can say that while I find it very rewarding and enjoyable, it's certainly a hobby that is hard to share with someone who is not a gamer. I've seen relationships between gamers and non-gamers disintegrate even where the gamer party is a moderate gamer (not the 24/7 type addicted gamer), because non-gamers tend to see gaming as "stupid" and "boring", which of course they're entitled to do because they have no interest in gaming, but it isn't the basis for a compatible relationship. I've also seen relationships between two gamers work out very well, because there's something in common (a common interest) and understanding of what the interest is, and so forth.

 

Now, in my opinion, if someone is withdrawing from the rest of "real life" (eg, not partaking in social activities outside of gaming, not spending time with friends and family in real life, sloughing off housework, homework, professional work in favor of gaming and so forth), then that's looking more like an additction, and in cases like that the person has to break the addiction ... and as with any other addiction, it can really only be broken once the person who is addicted wants it to be broken ... and in the case of computer game addiction it's when the person becomes so disgusted with the fact that they have no "real life" that they begin to pull back and try to reclaim the rest of their lives.

 

For the OP it sounds like your BF is an addicted gamer. I don't think he will change until he wants to change, unfortunately, and only he will know when that is.

[Momene]

You could always take the fuse out of the electricity supply and pretend it's a power cut.

[novaseeker]

You could always take the fuse out of the electricity supply and pretend it's a power cut.

 

That's like trying to take booze away from an alcoholic. It's only temporary. An addicted gamer will find a way to get the power/cable/router, etc. to work, and will spend hours doing so if something is getting in the way of being online. I've seen that with my own eyes, to be honest.

[Dako]

I'd think a pothead would make a better bf. At least they'd go outside, have sex or eat ice cream once in a while...

[Boricua7]

I'd think a pothead would make a better bf. At least they'd go outside, have sex and eat ice cream once in a while...

 

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! That's hilarious!

[Scotcha]

I couldn't figure out if you lived with your boyfriend or not. My boyfriend and I are both gamers though neither one of us is addicted. I have had to make it clear to him that when I come over his computer goes off. Even though I like playing games I don't think it's fun at all to sit around and watch someone else. In fact, it's boring and annoying. If you do live with him I think a schedual would be fair or even time limit. Just try and come to a compromise with him.