will he always view me as lacking in sexual self-confidence?

[learning1]

I posted a note a few days ago and I was wondering if no matter how much I have improved my self esteem and try to make that visible to others will this guy with whom I ruined a relationship with because of my self doubts ever see the change in me? The last time I saw him we were talking about somebody who, I have to say is overly self confident in her ability to attract a man, and this guy thinks that it's funny and cannot understand why she is so hung up on herself. In her defense, I said that there was nothing wrong with her being very self confident. In response, this guy said to me in a very stern and serious tone and look(I felt like crawling under the table-like I was being scolded or something) that yeah, self confidence can go a long way or can do a lot of good. I got the hint that he was somewhat angry with me. Why would he be angry with me-it's my problem and not his? Maybe he is just frustrated because ever since we have been friends since the break up we have never talked about what happened. That same night I felt that I looked really good and I thought that I was projecting self-positivity, but apparently he never picked up on it. There have been a couple of time when he has tried to indirectly steer the conversation in the direction of relationships and dating and feelings and I respond either by silence or changing the subject. I know that I need to clear the air with this guy soon, but that will have to wait until after my exam is over. Anyway, I am just worried that no matter how good I feel about myself and how much I can make that visible to others that this guy will always see me as having no sexual self confidence. Is this a hopeless situation?

[secret_agent_man]

You mentioned an exam... First off, FOCUS ON THAT. You already know that, i see, but really follow that. You don't get any second chances there!

 

No, it's not a hopeless situation, but I may have an interesting point of view.

 

If this guy sees you hung up on only him, he may never realize your confidence. He probably needs to see you flirting with others to see that you DO indeed have this new confidence. I'm not saying you should go messing around with everyone else, not by any means. But, I am saying he should see you being attractive to others and being comfortable flirting and trying to attract people. It'll probably make him a bit jealous and help him see the new you.

 

It would also definitely help if you try not to steer clear of those relationship conversations, as well. It'll show how comfortable you are with just being yourself...

 

Good luck, it's only one point of view, hope it helps!

 

S.A.M.

[segagirl]

Hi there,

So i am thinking the last time you saw him was when you were going to get "all decked out"? Did that happen? If so I do not think it went quite as we had hoped. Sorry to hear that sweetie, I am sure you looked hot though!!!

I think given the history with this man, it will just take some time for him to see the change in you. I think what is most important is that you stop questioning yourself. If you are doing that, you are not going to project the image you are wanting to project.

Just worry about you, how you feel and have some fun. He will likely see it in you just by watching.

[learning1]

No, I haven't gotten all decked out yet-that will be next week. I was referring to a time when we were out about a month ago and I thought that I looked pretty good. No, next week I will look even better! You are right, I do need to stop questioning myself. In fact, even if I think that I look good and am giving out positive vibes but still questioning the effect of that on him and on others then a sensitive person (like him for instance) is going to pick up on the questioning. Thanks so much for the insight!