Lonely & Bored

[xblondyx]

Ever since my ex dumped me two weeks ago i've felt overly lonely and bored.

I've not been out properly for the full two weeks and it feels like no-one wants to know me

 

How do people survive these lonely days? What i've done, is constantly come onto enotalone. It helps me to read through people's problems and also write about my own (which seem pretty big to me at the mo

 

Is anyone else out there currently going through a pretty bad break up right now and is feeling lonely? What are you doing about it?

[Empathy]

Well, after I got past the CONSTANT crying stage... Reading helped me a lot. It allows you to escape in to another world even if it's just for a little while. It gives me a chance to become someone else. But before you start going on your little mental vacations the best thing you can do is talk about it or write about it. Talk and/or write about it so much that it makes you sick! Also, having alone time can be good. It gives you time to sort out your feelings and really do some deep healing. But it's also impertative that you get out of the house and spend time with your friends. You need a reminder that you can still smile, laugh, and feel like you're worth something without him. Because you are worth something without him.

 

Someone on here put it the best (I can't remember who). They said, "You were fine with out him before and you'll be fine with out him after." Or something along those lines. lol. And if you feel that you have no one to go to, then try to meet new people. And if meeting new people seems too difficult for you then you need to try to achieve something to make you feel better about yourself. Work harder in school. Create something! Or help other people. That's one place enotalone has helped me A LOT with. It's given me a chance to help others and that has made me feel better about myself more than my ex ever did.

[xblondyx]

I'm needing some words of encouragement as my ex is online and i have a massive urge to break NC and talk to him!

[Empathy]

All I can say is DON'T DO IT. And TONS of other people on this site will back me up on that. Breaking NC is one of the worst things, if not the worst thing you can do. Whatever healing you have done, however small, will become worthless if you break NC. It might make you feel better at first but it's an illusion. You always end up feeling worse in the end. It will only bring you back to square one. So don't do it. Block him and sign off line if you can. If you can't sign off then at least block him. It will be hard to do but very worth it in the end.

[xblondyx]

I deleted & signed off but it's killing me! looked on his online profile & he never changes it & it's still says he's in a relationship with me ...strange thing is, i don't want him to change it!

 

got to see him on mon

[Empathy]

This is the harder part...but I know you can get through it. When you see him you have to do your darndest to act as if nothing is wrong. I'm assuming you have to see him at school. If you run into him just smile and say hey. If he asks how you're doing tell him you're doing fine. That you've been really busy with school work and friends and such and then tell him you have to go. This is when you have to do some of the best acting you'll ever have to do in your life. lol. But I know you can do it. Don't let him see the hurt. That's one of the reasons why NC is so important. Don't let him see that you care.

[NJRon]

To overcome the lonelys when I had no one to talk to, I would just go out to a coffee shop or a book store and hang out. While I didn't interact too much with other people, since I just didn't feel like it, I found it pretty nice just to be aorund others... made me feel not so alone.

[xblondyx]

I know i'll try. I just need reassurance that i'm going to be ok!

 

I've gone through lots of stages in these past two weeks

 

1. Upset

2. Denial

3. More upset

4. Beginning to dislike him

5. More upset

6. Hatred

7. Self hatred

8. Even more upset

9. Remembering all of the good times & dreaming of us getting back together

10. Loneliness/Upset(ish)/Boredom

 

I just feel so drained of everything! My family have told me just to talk to him and be his friend. My friends have said that i should NEVER speak to him again and he's sh** (don't think my friends like him very much...) and enotalone tell me to keep NC. It's so confusing

 

My heart and my head tells me that, even though i'm hurting & still care for him, i need to leave him alone. Let him come to me. But it's so hard!!

[Empathy]

To overcome the lonelys when I had no one to talk to, I would just go out to a coffee shop or a book store and hang out. While I didn't interact too much with other people, since I just didn't feel like it, I found it pretty nice just to be aorund others... made me feel not so alone.

 

That's perfect! That's one thing I did and I completely forgot about it. Good call.

[Diggitydave]

watch a movie on the couch or read a book. ANYTHING to take your mind off your ex.

[NJRon]

You'll definitely be ok. I didn't think it would ever end too. Every day was a struggle and I could almost hardly wait to go to sleep. But just go through the actions a bit and things start falling into place after a while.

 

I know it's hard, but you're doing great

[Empathy]

I just feel so drained of everything! My family have told me just to talk to him and be his friend. My friends have said that i should NEVER speak to him again and he's sh** (don't think my friends like him very much...) and enotalone tell me to keep NC. It's so confusing

 

My heart and my head tells me that, even though i'm hurting & still care for him, i need to leave him alone. Let him come to me. But it's so hard!!

 

I think you should listen to your friends and enotalone. For one, your friends know him better than your family does. All of my friends HATED my ex and they warned me about him. I knew that there was something wrong with him but I kept giving him chances. My family LOVED him. Needless to say, my friends and I ended up being right.

 

The point of NC is not to make them come to you. That's just a bonus that COULD happen if you don't contact him. Sometimes it can make them start to wonder but you should not invest too much into this possibility. NC is crucial because it is the only way you can heal. It's the "protective bubble" that's put around you to block you from all the bad "germs". It's the band-aid with the antibiotic ointment that helps you to heal. If you don't have NC then your wound can't heal properly. Contacting him will only reopen your wounds.

[xblondyx]

Thank you

 

I do have another problem....my ex ex who i am still in contact with has started talking to me A LOT. Well, it was a longdistance relationship which i ended. He is now saying he still has feelings for me.

 

I'm going down to visit my friends next month which will mean that i am going to see him again. I don't know how i feel about this he keeps texting me saying how he can't wait to see me and hug and kiss me and maybe more. Also, he keeps mentioning sleeping together. We were planning on this before i dumped him. I'm not sure now. I think he only wants to see me so that we can have sex. I really don't want this.

 

I like this guy, as a friend, and a part of me does still care for him but i just don't know what to do! I think he would only be in it for the physical and not for a loving relationship but i'm not sure

[Empathy]

I really don't want this.

 

You just answered your own question. Your first instinct is generally the right one. I suggest you stick to it. Sex is a VERY special thing. You shouldn't give yourself to just anyone because it comes with consequences. Some consequences I've already dealt with and believe me, they were NOT worth it for only one night of pleasure. Getting into another relationship right now is also another bad idea. Rebounds are no good. Someone usually ends up getting hurt in the end...one way or another. You're better off just being single. Right now it sucks. I know. But eventually you'll start to remember how carefree and fun being single can be.

[xblondyx]

Yea...

 

One problem is, i promised my ex ex he would get a kiss and get to spend some time with me (this was when i was feeling very lonely and he was trying to cheer me up). I meant on friendly terms, i think he thinks i meant on more than friendly terms.

[Empathy]

Well, then clear that up for him. Let him know that you're going through a very hard time right now and that you need a friend more than you need a fling.

[xblondyx]

I told him. He said i just needed some loving attention and that he would give me it...

[NJRon]

Hmm... don't let him patronize you. Getting loving attention from him does not sound like it would do anything but make things worse for you right now. Let him know that all you need is about 10' of loving airspace between you two and you will be fine

[xblondyx]

Lol. I want to see him though. I would kiss him...but nothing more

[NJRon]

It sounds to me that he is just itching to push your limits here... so, be careful.

[xblondyx]

I will i'll let you know what happens!

[passionfox]

that helped me alot too NJron,and it feels good going to the movies

and watching a comedy and laughing with other people,even if they

are strangers! It really helped me the first few months!

[passionfox]

I still love my ex boyfriend james,but not in love with him!

[dstanzler]

Friends, movies, TV, naps, walks, mmorpgs, shopping, enotalone.

[dstanzler]

The coffee shop idea is brilliant and will increase your chances of having some sexy chickie come flirt with you.