Sorry this is a long one, but im just so confused right now...

[tranquil]

Alright im sorry to bug you all with my problems, its just i cant take this anymore, its stressing me out! i really need help with this

 

okay, i was on this website that my boyfriend told me about, and its this website where you can post poems and drawings that you make. I write, my boyfriend is an artist. Well anyways, i quit this website a little while ago, because i didn't feel like posting my personal stuff anymore for the whole world to look at.

 

So anyways I told my boyfriend that i quit the site, and he basically yelled at me for that, and he was like "oh yeah i dont quit drawing just cuz i get mad once in awhile!" so i basically said back "i can make my own decisions" that fight is over now, but it is part of the story somehow.

 

So i quit this site, but i still go on it once in a while because my boyfriend submits his drawings, and i love looking at his drawings their so good! So i went on it today, and i saw that he had a journal entry up! so i start reading it, and hes talking about how his cat is going to die, first i ever heard of that, so i get sad, and then he starts getting mad, and he rants about how his art teacher is stupid and such. and then right from there he starts ranting about me! this is what he said:

 

"AND THEN GOD FOR BID IF I SAY TO MY GIRLFRIEND "Why did you say that to me, that really hurt and didn't help" SHE WILL FLIP OUT AND ITS SOOOO ANNOUING SHE ALWAYS PUTS ON THIS "ACT" WHERE SHE TRYS TO MAKE HER SELF LOOK LIKE AN IDIOT BUT I KNOW SHES NOT LIKE WE ALL DO BUT SHE WONT STOP IT GETS SOOOOO ANNOUING OR SHE'LL BE LIKE "OHHH I DONT WANT TO DO WHAT EVER IT IS THAT WE'RE GOING TO DO" SHES JUST A * * * *ING WINER AND ALL SHE DOES IS WINE AND PISS AND * * * * * AND MOAN FOR AN HOUR"

 

All of which is untrue. I have no idea if hes just saying that because of his cat, or if hes getting sick of me, and hes trying to convince himself that he has reasons to dump me or something. I just cant take that, he obviously thought that when i quit the site, i quit looking at his drawings too, but i didnt. I thought he knew that, but i guess not.

 

Another thing is, he never shows me any affection at all, in the last 2months that weve been going out (actually tomorrow is the 2 month anniversary) he only held my hand twice, he tickles me lots, and he hugs me every day after school but thats all. Most of the time he just makes fun of me.

 

One other thing is that today in school, I was planning on talking to him about this, but my first slot we didnt sit together because of this weird seating arrangement, we dont have second slot together, and then on third slot we had to go to the gym for a basketball game. I sat beside him but i didnt really talk to him because i was playing bloody knuckles with a friend. I noticed that he looked kinda mad, so i said "jordan are you alright?" and he said "just don't f**kin talk to me right now!" i was hurt, so i didnt talk to him the rest of that class, and all through lunch, i was looking for him to talk to him after lunch, but he had left to host this other team at a different school, and he hasnt been online yet.

 

What I guess im wondering is, is this relationship over? he never communicates with me, ive tried lots of times, but it gets really awkward because both of us are those happy, hyper types. We arnt used to talking serious about our relationship problems. So its all awkward, and weird. Should I just break it off with him now, before one of us ends up getting really hurt?

 

Im not being selfish, but i think that the one to get hurt the most would be me, because jordan has like no empathy at all thanks in advance for any responses. Im sorry for the long post

[robowarrior]

Its sounds like deviant art what you are talking about.

 

"All of which is untrue"

 

It is true from his point of view, and that is what is important. You don't seem to understand 'his things that he considers important' , he loves deviant art, and when you ditched that site, you basically ditched all what he stands for. You still don't see that, and you don't agree with that, but for him that is reality, and before you go into it, its this what made him unhappy, and thus unsatisfied about you, and the stress of his cat and you making his things deem to seem unimportant is causing the 'simular interest' that you both shared to faint away.

 

That's trouble, because its a connection between you and him that disappeared, this thereforeeee is making the attraction between you become less and less, and this is why he's saying 'dont talk to me' , because he is angry that you do not make him feel that you rejoyce in that what makes him happy.

 

For instance it would be different if you made comments about him how really wonderfull his latest submitted art looked, if you said your back on the site again because you changed his mind, then the connection would be re established.

 

You have to understand what is important for your bf, most likely his interests that he shares with you are important for him. You don't want to stamp that in the ground or distantiate yourself from that if you want to keep the relationship alive, you will have to appreciate what your partner has to offer.

 

Why did you say that to me, that really hurt and didn’t help

 

Here he says that he is hurt, and that if he tells you his feelings you close your door and are unattentive to his feelings and emotions, which is why basically you will never understand him ,because you aren't allowing his feelings into your life, basically you are a person that goes her 'own' way.

 

So you are disregarding and disrespecting someone's feelings, now in normal life this happeneds to a lot of people , its different however because this is your PARTNER, your bf, someone who you invest a possible future with. You can't deem or disrespect your bf's feelings like that without him flipping out and getting angry, it basically shows that you are selfish and unattentive emotional whise, and thereforeeee shouldn't be in a relationship at all, until you are willing to get to 'know' and respect the inner wishes and feelings of your bf.

 

yes its giving and taking, but just watch out where you step , always put yourself in someone elses shoes. Would I like it if my emotions would be disregarded as useless and unimportant? No, then regard them, and take all the important things in aspect that are currently going on within your bf's emotions.

[tranquil]

ooh yeah, what you said makes sense, and yes it is deviantart how did you know :S but the thing about me disregarding his feelings, that part i forgot to mention is that he has never said anything like that to me before, in fact if he looks sad or anything, if i make any move to comfort him he goes and tells some of my friends that im movng too fast for him, so it all goes in this big circle and its just all so confusing

[venus777]

you are just 14. he is being mean to you. don't blame yourself for all of this. if he is expecting something from you he can ask. sure, there are probably some lessons you can learn here about another persons feelings but it doesn't sound like he is taking your feelings into consideration either. you are both young, he is being a jerk to you. i'd say dump him or take some time off to do your own thing. tell him what you saw and how you are feeling and that you have to take care of yourself. you aren't there to just take care of him!!

[tranquil]

oh kay thanks for the advice venus actually i went back to that site and i posted a reply:

 

"you know what? i still go on here to look at ur art, i guess you didnt no that, well im SORRY that you see me that way alright? i DO NOT put on an act, the only times i may have seemed stupid is when you INSULT me and most of the time i dont hear them so i laugh, and then you make fun of me more! im really sorry about your cat, this is the first time ive heard of it actually! and about that whining thing, i do NOT whine, the only times ive said i didnt want to do something was in gym, i HATE gym, i do not want to participate in gym, why cant people understand that?! and also ive been having cramps right now! what you did during the basketball game, just yelling at me like that, that really hurt all right? i UNDERSTAND that your having problems right now! im your girlfriend, i want to be THERE for you....why wont you let me? you have never told me that something i said has hurt your feelings, why cant you just talk to me? please. call me when you get this all right? we have a lot of stuff we need to talk about. I really dont want to lose you, your the best thing thats happened to me...we either need to talk on the phone like tomorrow...or we need to talk on monday....if you dont have my number, its on my msn name, just...dont block me out, im right here, and i know i havent said this since like the first week of when we started going out, but i like you a whole bunch...even though i dont show it lots, and if you want to dump me, just hold it till monday, id rather be dumped face to face than behind a computer actually id rather not be dumped at all, we can work through this, you just need to talk to me! i actually tried to find you after lunch to talk, but you had already left for the other school...but im going to submit this now...."

 

i hope i did the right thing O.o

[Momene]

That was a well thought out and mature reply for someone young enough to be my granddaughter! If he doesn't respond to that positively, he's not worth having.

 

Good luck.

[tranquil]

yeah he didnt respond to it positively, he basically took all the negative things in there, and ignored the positive ones. this is what he said:

 

"melissa your right we do need to talk cause obviosly there is allot on my mind and dont say that its only me hurting you youv done ALLOT to me and it is really hurtful...

whatever. But you need to know that all relationships need there space I dont always need to talk to you and you Have to stop asumming....

you know what just talk to me later..."

 

I basically agree with the relationship needing space part, but i didnt say i wanted to talk to him ALL the time, i just said i wanted him to be able to talk to me when hes having problems.

 

So I went on msn this morning, and he was online, but he hasnt called me...so I just started this conversation with him i said:

 

Me: What have i done to hurt you?

Him know, you and summer will ALWAYS who ever guys are talking to youll start wipering and laugh at who ever you guys are talking to and when someone asks you guys say "oh its nothing" and keep laughing, I've already talked to tanya about this and she notice's it too

Me: ooh that....most of the time its about something that you just remind us of, like maybe crystal will do something that reminded us of something funny on a sleepover, so we start laughing after one of us explains it to the other one, and then cuz it only happened with us two there, we cant really explain it to other people...but well stop doing that i guess now, ill tell summer tooo i didnt know it hurt your feelings

Him: what ever, youve just really hurt me......Can I go now I dont feel good

Me: im sorry jordan, and yeah you can....its just....yeah

 

And then he signed off...what really gets me is that he asked permission to leave, i dont control him. I didnt get a chance to talk to him about the more serious problems because he signed off...so right now im really restless. I cant even concentrate on eating right now, and thats serious for me because i only weigh 85pounds, and im 5"4, so i cant afford not to eat.

 

I guess im just basically waiting for him to sign back on, or to call me or something....Im thinking maybe I should just take a break from this relationship for a little while, but I don't want to do that without trying to talk to him first. But he wont let me. Its just all so frustrating!

[venus777]

i think taking space right now is the best idea. you've made it really clear to him that you care and are listening to him... he still has some maturing to do and isn't handling the situation well. it can be hard to do when you're really close to it. i KNOW it's really hard to not think about it, but I'd try and do something else with your time and go no contact til he decides to contact you. you've done the best you can!!

[KandiBabe]

you are just 14. he is being mean to you. don't blame yourself for all of this. if he is expecting something from you he can ask. sure, there are probably some lessons you can learn here about another persons feelings but it doesn't sound like he is taking your feelings into consideration either. you are both young, he is being a jerk to you. i'd say dump him or take some time off to do your own thing. tell him what you saw and how you are feeling and that you have to take care of yourself. you aren't there to just take care of him!!

 

 

I second this!!!!!!!!!!

[ravenfox]

awwww

what a rat

well now you know hes a brat who doesnt appreciate the admiring sweet gf he has!

 

i have done this - spyed on his forum where he complains to his buddies about me and i confronted him - i suggest you do that - its hard but remember your #1 and you deserve some respect - plus you did not invade his privacy as this is posted for the WORLD to read! how horrible of him!