Whats the deal?

[wakkarocka]

Ok im trying my best to get over my ex and at times I feel im getting somwhere but then she randomly goes out of her way to conatct me, mainly thru the use of email/messenger services. Almost everynite so far she has IMed me out of the blue saying somthing along the lines of wow your on late just to smark up covo or so it seems. We might get talking and the convo can start to go in the direction of well us and she talks about how she want ts be friends. I tell her thats really hard for me to do seeing how much i still love her and all (i try and be choice in my words with her) she says she understands and all. Ah well rather then confuse anyone any futher bottom line is she seems to still want to talk to me because she goes out of her way to spark up a conversation with me all the time, and is always asking to do stuff that we would do while together and seems all happy and invites me to go places with her and tells me how she really wants me to go with her and then i get confused and if i assmue that she misses me and still wants to be together im always wrong and she then tells me how she just wants to be friends. So whats the deal?

[Tolly]

Women do this all the time. Shes just keeping her options open. It really sucks I know. Ideally it would be better for her to say No...theres no way back, or Yes, I still want to see you. However, from my own experience and posts on here thats not what they do.

Instead they choose to play a game (although they dont see it as a game) where they get to pick and choose what they want, especially if we (the dumped party) still seem keen.

 

My advice to you is just stop talking to her and going places. If she is keen on you still this will bring her to her senses, act now or loose him. If she isn't keen on you then she will quickly move on. Either way, the situation you are in is no good for you and I should know as I have just been there, as have 1000 other poor saps.

[glassbell]

I agree with Tolly, but being a girl, perhaps I'll be a little milder towards your ex-girlfriend. Also I want to inform you that I have been in your position, as well as in hers, so I know what I am talking about.

 

She is not playing, she isn't willingly trying to hurt you. She just really likes you as a person and does not want to loose you as a friend. If she has said that is really all she wants, you'll have to take that a as true and accept it.

 

But even though you probably might be able to really enjoy her casual company again someday, without any hard feelings, for now the wound of the break-up is just too fresh! Do take distance from her. However, and this is very important: do not do this without informing her that you are going to take distance from her and why. Tell her that you enjoy her company but it is too confusing for you, and that if you're ready, you may just contact her again. Ask her to respect and accept your decision, and to not contact you again for a period of time that YOU decide on.

 

I wish you a ll the best,

 

~glassbell

[Tolly]

It is a game, although she doesnt realise it. The make up of a woman means that they must be selfish i.e. they are the one left with the child and thereforeeeeee must look after themselves (I realise that this is NOT what they are thinking, but it is how they behave).

 

I still think the best thing for you is to cut ties and let her decide. If she knows your keen, then she will still play the waiting game. I speak from my own personal painful experience. My ex would love to be friends now, but played me for a fool at the time. 'I'm so confused...give me space...I can't tell you there's no chance....etc' But all the time she continued to see a new guy. Only when she was sure the new relationship was going somewhere did she drop me like a stone.

 

If I had my time again, I would never of kept contacting her to let her know I still loved her. Just think of the position she was in. Two men like me...wow...I'm so special and attractive.

 

Don't make the same mistake.

[glassbell]

I rest my case Tolly. However I am curious to where you found the scientific evidence for what you say about women and their selfishness.

 

Wackarokka, I hope you'll take a wise decision.

 

~GlassBell

[Tolly]

Its a standard anthropological theory. But it is just a theory. Seems to hold true tho