allstar18 Posted March 15, 2006 Share Posted March 15, 2006 Me and my girlfriend broke up like a couple days ago on our 1 year annivarsiary. It seemed like we could of had a good realtionship but it just never worked out. Now I feel really weird still. I don't think we will get back together and I want to move on. Now I am starting to like this other girl even though I have feelings for my ex still. We want to be good friends still but it's hard we don't really talk now. I just want to move on and become good friends with her so I can see if I really like this other girl and see if a relationship would be good for us. I have been told that me and this other girl would make a good a couple and I have heard that she likes me aswell, so what do I do to move on and everything? Link to comment
allstar18 Posted March 15, 2006 Author Share Posted March 15, 2006 Suggestions Replys Neone?? Link to comment
RayKay Posted March 15, 2006 Share Posted March 15, 2006 I think you just need to give it time....I would limit contact with your ex a bit, don't try and be best friends right away as you need to heal a bit first, and need to be able to move on for yourselves as well. Don't worry, you will be alright, it just takes some time. As for the other girl, just take it carefully, don't rush into it, and don't flaunt it in front of your ex. Link to comment
allstar18 Posted March 15, 2006 Author Share Posted March 15, 2006 I think you just need to give it time....I would limit contact with your ex a bit, don't try and be best friends right away as you need to heal a bit first, and need to be able to move on for yourselves as well. Don't worry, you will be alright, it just takes some time. As for the other girl, just take it carefully, don't rush into it, and don't flaunt it in front of your ex. Yeah that's what I told her that it's gunna take time for us to become good friends and that again. But for the other girl I will think about my ex sometimes and wanta be with her sometimes, other times I want to be with this other girl. I'm not sure what I should do? Should I just wait until I am over my ex or what? Link to comment
melrich Posted March 15, 2006 Share Posted March 15, 2006 I think you should wait a little while. If you start seeing this other girl straight away you may have mixed emotions and that will come out in your behaviour...you may end up stuffing the new relationship up because you are still thinking about the old one. Wait a little while if you can. Link to comment
friscodj Posted March 15, 2006 Share Posted March 15, 2006 I have been in this exact same situation before...more than once actually... First of all, 2-days-post-1-year relationship. The reality of the heartbreak hasn't even hit you yet. It's all so new. It may be a couple weeks before you wake up and really start feeling the fires of emotional hell roasting you alive... Secondly, you don't want to be friends with your ex right now. No way. You guys need distance to process what happened, for sure... Maybe in the future you two can become friends, but that thought is a long ways off right now... I believe in some way, consciously or unconsciously, you are looking for this new girl to fill the void left by your ex. You know what I did when I was in this situation? I went and pursued the relationship with this new girl. I told her what happened with the ex and she was cool with it. We went out, had some fun, made some good memories together. Things didn't work out and we went our separate ways... Did this help me get over my ex? No, even though it was essentially a diversion from the grief. In fact, when it was all said and done, I found myself grieving over two lost relationships, and followed with a period of being emotionally dead and having no interest in women at all...but I eventually healed and pursued other relationships... So I would say make it a point to take care of yourself and your friends during this time. That is priority number one. You really need to focus on yourself and facing your grief over this break up. This is no time to bring someone else into this picture in terms of having a relationship with them. While that may be a nice temporary escape from the feelings attached to your break up, I don't think it is worth ruining the potential friendship you have with this new person... Link to comment
allstar18 Posted March 15, 2006 Author Share Posted March 15, 2006 Yeah I feel really bad about it all. Also my ex is now getting mad at me for talking to this other girl though. We talked before when we were going out as well but she is getting really mad about it. I don't know what to do right now she says she wants her space but then now I don't talk to her and just let her be and she's mad that we went out for a year and we don't even talk anymore. What should I tell her or what should I do about that? I still have feelings for her to and she says she still cares about me and that but she is really busy now and wants some space and be with her friends. What does this mean? Is there any chance that means we could get back together later on or should I just start to get over it? Link to comment
kadvati79 Posted March 15, 2006 Share Posted March 15, 2006 What does this mean? It could mean lots of things mate, inside you probably have a good idea whether she is just saying to ease u into a friendship - or whether she really does care for you and possibly hoping it could end up as more one day. Is there any chance that means we could get back together later on or should I just start to get over it? There is always a chance, no matter what anyone says on these boards. But chasing that chance is likely to completely and utterly destroy you. Should you really wait for the "chance" you too may get back together? If she was *really* that awesome... why would she not love you so much she couldn't BARE to be without you? No-body knows for sure, and in terms of healing, you just have to move on. I don't ditch hope, but I also don't put all my eggs in one basket. I hope for many things, such as being in a loving relationship. I also hope me and my ex could have that loving relationship. But who knows? Only time will tell. Link to comment
friscodj Posted March 16, 2006 Share Posted March 16, 2006 You said in your original post you wanted to move on...so do it! The way to do that is go NC with your ex. You guys broke up...who cares if she's mad about you seeing another girl? She says she wants "space" right now because she "wants to have her cake and eat it too." This is so common. What that means is she wants a relationship with you but she doesn't at the same time. She wants everything without responsiblity on her end. She wants control over you in this way. She's mad because you are spoiling her plan here. Now she has to face the facts that she can't have everything she wants with you. Remember this my friend: actions speak louder than words and if she really wanted to be with you, she would be! You talk a lot about getting back together. You need to look beyond the "getting back together" part and look at the "relationship we will have after we get back together." What would change? Why would this change happen? You can't just "start over", there needs to be some concrete change taking place for a reconciliation to work and I don't see that here...I see her possibly wanting to get back together with you to control you or to ease her dealing with the break-up... Link to comment
allstar18 Posted March 16, 2006 Author Share Posted March 16, 2006 I told her that she says she is busy but than when she is not she will like be with her friends and I told her I wanted to hang out and be with her and I said it doesn't seem like you want that though. She said that she never said that but I told her actions speak louder than words. Anyways yeah I talked to her last night and she said she didn't really know what she wanted right now. I think I'm gunna go NC because that is what this other "girl"friend said that has been through this. She says she still have feelings for me and this is hard for her as well. I can't really tell what she wants or anything. I think I may be starting to see everything now because today I didn't feel as bad as I did yesterday. Also I don't know if I want to get back together to have the same problems then feel sad about it and have to get over it again so do you think I should just move on or what? Link to comment
friscodj Posted March 16, 2006 Share Posted March 16, 2006 Don't leave control of the situation in the hands of someone who doesn't know what they want, which is what is happening now. You know what you want, you told us in your original post you just wanted to move on. So do it! Don't let your heart play tricks on you and talk you out of following the righteous path. Take control here and you tell her this isn't going any further the way it is now and that you wish her the best. Then go NC and don't look back... Link to comment
allstar18 Posted March 16, 2006 Author Share Posted March 16, 2006 Don't leave control of the situation in the hands of someone who doesn't know what they want, which is what is happening now. You know what you want, you told us in your original post you just wanted to move on. So do it! Don't let your heart play tricks on you and talk you out of following the righteous path. Take control here and you tell her this isn't going any further the way it is now and that you wish her the best. Then go NC and don't look back... Well I still like her and if things change I would go back out with her but I don't want to sit here and wait for her so I am thinking about just pursing this other girl but giving it a little time out of respect for my ex. Also I still would like to be friends with her and that because I like her as a person and that but how should I go about doing that just work my way into it or what? Link to comment
allstar18 Posted March 17, 2006 Author Share Posted March 17, 2006 ???? Suggestions ???? Link to comment
friscodj Posted March 17, 2006 Share Posted March 17, 2006 Well I still like her and if things change I would go back out with her but I don't want to sit here and wait for her so I am thinking about just pursing this other girl but giving it a little time out of respect for my ex. Also I still would like to be friends with her and that because I like her as a person and that but how should I go about doing that just work my way into it or what? You are repeating the sentence heard around the world since the beginning of time by the broken-hearted: "If things change..." Why would they change? What would cause this change? Your heart is stuck on this girl, I know how it goes. You sound pretty stubborn about this one. I suggest you keep waiting, keep hoping, keep holding on then. See what happens, see what it does to you. You may have to learn this lesson on your own I think...seriously...in the end you'll be better off... And your ex is your ex. You are not in any way disrespecting her by seeing someone else...but you are clearly not ready for anything serious right now...no way... As far as a friendship, if you seek a healthy, balanced friendship, you need to make distance, let your romantic feelings fade away, and then pursue the possibility of a friendship. If you pursue a friendship with the mixed emotions going on now, it will be very stressful and unhealthy for both of you... Link to comment
allstar18 Posted March 18, 2006 Author Share Posted March 18, 2006 Here's a question though I think I may start to go after this other girl. Should I give it time as respect for my ex still knowing it isn't easy for her to see with me someone else because she has told me that she is mad I talk to her already. Also if I do start going out with this other girl would it make it easier to become friends with her or what, or would I have to wait for her to move on to actually be friends again ? Link to comment
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