hoping Posted March 14, 2006 Share Posted March 14, 2006 well as some of u kno....i dropped a letter off for my ex in her mail box after 1 week of NC .... its only been a week since we broke up....i just felt i needed to let her know how i felt....regarding mistakes during the relationship, how i feel about things now...etc...anyways i was expecting no response...but apprarently she has been in her room "writing me back" as her roommates has told me.....i dunno what to expect...well im expecting the worst...but i ddin't expect a response this quick....i dunno just thought i share my anxiety with u guys....what do u guys think? Link to comment
solo34 Posted March 14, 2006 Share Posted March 14, 2006 I think you're one of the lucky few that gets a reply regardless of harsh or nice...feel lucky. Some of us just have 2 go on wondering. -Solo34 Link to comment
mystik Posted March 14, 2006 Share Posted March 14, 2006 Was your letter angry, mean or spiteful? If it wasn't, I wouldn't be too worried about it. There should be no reason for you to expect the worst. I wrote a letter to my ex (I was dumped) exactly a week later too after NC and by the time I had gotten home from dropping it off, there was an email from him - completely unexpected...like you, I only wanted to get everything off my own mind. It probably won't be too bad, and it will maybe even make the break up easier. I think letting both parties get a chance to say what they really want to, and it was civil, it makes for a much cleaner and peaceful break up. Let us know what it says! (if you want edit: typo* Link to comment
hoping Posted March 15, 2006 Author Share Posted March 15, 2006 well in my letter... i just wrote about this past week and what i have been reflecting on...what mistakes i've realized and the efforts i've put in to see them thro....and basically ultimately sayin with all the mistakes i know, knowing how to reapply myself in the relationship, and knowing for certain what i want...i just want a 2nd chance, as slim as that chance may be.... thats what i wrote in the letter...i know it wasn't pressuring becuz i wrote it in a very rational state of mind....and i just needed to let her know how i feel...since really i have nothing to lose....u kno what i mean... anyways ill post again with what her letter said....whenever i get it....but still the anxiety to see what she has to say is killin me... Link to comment
mystik Posted March 15, 2006 Share Posted March 15, 2006 oh okay, I didn't write asking for a second chance so it's a slightly different situation. I understand why you're nervous now :S You're right though, nothing to lose... glad to hear that you wrote it rationally. That shows a lot of maturity. Alright, best of luck to you then...let us know. Link to comment
solo34 Posted March 15, 2006 Share Posted March 15, 2006 Yeah, U definitely said some wonderful, and spoken from the heart moments there. Good job, man. I hope U get what U want...that oh so rare 2nd chance. -Solo34 Link to comment
hoping Posted March 15, 2006 Author Share Posted March 15, 2006 well....i guess my worries were not necessary....no letter yet....it hasn't been that long....but tomorrow is the day she mentioned in her emails (those who have read my old posts kno) that she was gonna go see this other guy she met....i wonder if shes gonna go.....arhg....and i just saw her on my way home from schoo (she lives in the same complex as me) talking on the phone...probably to that guy.....im beginning to believe that writing a letter to her was just stupid.....man seeing her just broke my heart all over again....god i need to be free of this sh!t....its been almost 2 weeks of NC except for that letter....sorry for the rant guys...just so heartbroken....god i wish i dind't c her..... Link to comment
NJRon Posted March 15, 2006 Share Posted March 15, 2006 She very well could have written the letter and then shredded it in order to get her feelings out without sharing them. You never know. The important thing is you got *your* feelings out and can now move on. Link to comment
solo34 Posted March 15, 2006 Share Posted March 15, 2006 Same thing would happen 2 me if I were 2 see my ex, and it's going on the 5th month of not being 2gether and NC since Jan. 4th. Hang in there...it's natural what U feel, homie. -Solo34 Link to comment
kadvati79 Posted March 15, 2006 Share Posted March 15, 2006 but tomorrow is the day she mentioned in her emails (those who have read my old posts kno) that she was gonna go see this other guy she met....i wonder if shes gonna go.....arhg.... Dude, adopt the "don't want to know" policy. Because, you don't want to know. The less you know, the more you can move on and have the good memories, instead of bad ones post breakup. and i just saw her on my way home from schoo (she lives in the same complex as me) talking on the phone...probably to that guy..... Again, dude! She could have been talking to anyone It doesn't really matter who she was talking to... again... get yourself into the position where you really don't want to know (that will happen when you eventually get really burnt!) im beginning to believe that writing a letter to her was just stupid.....man seeing her just broke my heart all over again... No way! I think that was a great idea. That was your ONE CHANCE to let her know how your felt, to get it off your chest. She WILL have read that and taken it in. Now you won't look back and say "what if I had have sent a letter pouring my heart out?" Now you can look forward and say "I did everything I could". Link to comment
hoping Posted March 15, 2006 Author Share Posted March 15, 2006 thats what i've tryin to tell myself...but its really...really..alot harder than said...im sure everyone knows what im talkin about....i guess i still c her as mine n mine alone unconsciously....well....on with the NC for another few weeks... Link to comment
hoping Posted March 15, 2006 Author Share Posted March 15, 2006 another hard thing is that....2 of my best female friends lives with her....and she can find out anything about me..what im doin...thro them...and im sittin here...knoin absolutly nothing on whats goin on with her....well i kno to adopt the "not want to know" policy....but its kinda tough....i dunno...changin my msn name to "erased and replaced from the diary..."....and listenin to hedley's song "trip"....so depressed... Link to comment
kadvati79 Posted March 15, 2006 Share Posted March 15, 2006 Of course you do. You loved her, and you feel you need but now she isn't there. That will start to pass as you will begin to see her as she truly is. She will go through the same process and look at you in new ways. She will compare new people to you, and assuming she loved you, she will find herself being critical of these new people in her life compared to you. Its really hard. The best way to preserve the relationship you had is to let it go now. Then you have the memories, and no "bad blood" between the two of you. Its like leaving job in that sense, don't burn the bridge you cross over because you never know what may happen in the future. NC is a great tool to help you heal now, set yourself a target date and review your feelings then. Take a mental vacation from forcing decisions and reviewing things. You don't HAVE to make decisions right now about how you feel about someone. You will probably surprise yourself with how you feel in a few months. Link to comment
kadvati79 Posted March 15, 2006 Share Posted March 15, 2006 and she can find out anything about me..what im doin...thro them...and im sittin here...knoin absolutly nothing on whats goin on with her....well i kno to adopt the "not want to know" policy....but its kinda tough Become the person you want to be. Start today. Use your love for her to fuel that... she WILL find out how you are doing. Do you want her to pity you? or to be surprised by your inner strength? Start back at the gym, take up some night classes, begin changing yourself to become that person inside you want to be. Each step gives you more confidence, and lets face it, confidence is ****ing sexy. This mental vacation is for YOU. This is your chance to build the new you with no regrets. She dumped you, you have nothing too loose here. And when she sees how much you have changed, she is the only one who will have the opportunity for regret (even if she knows it would never have worked). By then, you will be ready to face the world a new person and be enjoying the world single with no regrets. Link to comment
solo34 Posted March 15, 2006 Share Posted March 15, 2006 Well homie, there U go...if these other females have an "in" on U...it's time 2 switch up the game. Man, U got a jackpot in front of U and U don't even know it! All U got 2 do is become an "actor." Listen, just act all happy, cheerful, etc. around these other women. When they ask your plans 4 this weekend or any time, just be happy and say "I'm going out 2 the movies, dinner, etc." If they ask if there's someone else, just get a big smile and say "there just may be." Technically U aren't lying, because U said there "may be." U didn't say yes or no. Let these women run back 2 your ex and fill her in on all the stuff you're saying. It'll get your ex all curious, etc. 2 U. Trust this... U want 2 be the man that's happy, people want 2 be with, etc. THAT is what will attract your ex. Act like you're doing fine and that you're in demand by other women. It's all an act...when you're done talking 2 these other women that's your close friends, go home and do whatever, or go out, etc. U don't have 2 actually do what you're saying, but make it sound good. Make it believable. This is the key...do all of this while also doing NC, and I GUARANTEE your ex will be knocking at your door, calling U, texting U, etc. Give it a shot, homie. Remember, YOU are the prize. -Solo34 Link to comment
hoping Posted March 15, 2006 Author Share Posted March 15, 2006 man u guys are fckin awesome.....im relaly takin in those 2 last posts by motoboy and solo....thanks guys.....yeah im gonna work on that....but its like i hang out with these 2 female friends almost everyweekend if not every other day....i dunno....ill c it as a jackpot! but 1 of them knows me for like 16 years n knows me really well.....so even when i act happy shes always like... stop dwelling on it, i can see it in ur eyes....and it just blows me off my course ....anyways but thanks guys it really cheered me up....and i feel much more confident already....definitly looking forward to st pats day n the irish girls out there hehe Link to comment
solo34 Posted March 15, 2006 Share Posted March 15, 2006 Hey, this is part of acting...U can't let her "see it in your eyes." U shouldn't even be hanging out with these women every weekend from now on. U should be telling them you've got plans, and that U might catch up with them another time. Avoid drinking 2 much...especially around these women. It'll make U start 2 think more and more about the ex, and then your entire "acting career" will be over. All the truth will be spilt out because of your liquid courage. U can't let your female friends know ANYTHING about this. Keep your distance, and when they ask why, say that you've been busy. That U even are talking 2 this girl. If they ask 2 meet her, tell them "when I feel the time is right, U'll meet her." U got 2 do this, man. I wish that I did this from the start. Time 2 think with your head, and NOT the heart. Heart disease is the leading cause of death in America...don't let the "type 2" heart disease kill U. Haha...Just think with the brain, not the in pain heart. -Solo34 Link to comment
kadvati79 Posted March 15, 2006 Share Posted March 15, 2006 Solo is right. Remember this "Power perceived is power achieved". The same goes with confidence. Its about perception. All the while you are acting confident and happy, you are actually surprising yourself and will begin to actually be confident and happy. Not only have you shown this girl and her friends (and others) that you can love, but you are then showing them that you are confident, strong, and happy. She made this decision and has everything to loose. You had it stolen away from you. In a way, you are in a stronger position mentally even though it may not feel that way inside. I'm not a big fan of playing games though, this is about you dude and your welfare and life. If she comes running back thats an anncillary benefit that can be considered on its own merits at the time. Link to comment
solo34 Posted March 15, 2006 Share Posted March 15, 2006 Yeah, what Motoboy said...Haha. Seriously, this really isn't a game. It's 2 show her that U don't even need her. It's all about YOU being (or showing) that U are confident, happy, strong, and have self worth. U'll be glad that U did this, trust me. -Solo34 Link to comment
kadvati79 Posted March 15, 2006 Share Posted March 15, 2006 I really wanna hear how this works out dude. Read solo's other posts about being confident and stuff too. Make sure you post us some updates. Kia Kaha! (be strong) Link to comment
hoping Posted March 15, 2006 Author Share Posted March 15, 2006 yeah ill definitly take these advices......starting this friday....well plans are already set for st pats day so im chillin with those 2 girls already...at least 1 of them....but i've met some new people in this past week and half so im gonna invite all of them out as well....ill definitly give u guys the updates!! and ill also follow up on the "letter" situation if that ever happens....anyways good advice from both of ya'll!!!! Link to comment
NJRon Posted March 15, 2006 Share Posted March 15, 2006 Both solo and icemotoboy are giving awesome advice here. Cut down the interactions with the firends. But do it in a "I have things to do" kind of way and not a "I don;t feel like doing anything" kind of way. Don't interact unless you can be happy. Start short to keep your stamina up. Acting happy will make you happy. Happy doesn't just happen. In the end.. who's the winner? That happy one! Link to comment
hoping Posted March 16, 2006 Author Share Posted March 16, 2006 so depressed.....so i guess my ex did go to see that dude....who lives 4 hours away.....god Link to comment
solo34 Posted March 16, 2006 Share Posted March 16, 2006 So you're not going 2 listen 2 me, huh? Are U going 2 "chin up," hold your head high, and put on the act...or are U gonna let this girl hurt U? U need 2 do what I said, because I let my ex do 2 me what you're about 2 let her do 2 U. I'm hear 2 TEACH U what 2 do, because I've already been through what you're going through. I'm further down the line than U. Take my advice. -Solo34 Link to comment
hoping Posted March 16, 2006 Author Share Posted March 16, 2006 alright alright i will....just hurts like a b!tch thats all Link to comment
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