I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WANT...HELP

[dreamer3]

The only place for me to start is the beginning. Before you read this, I'm young, I know this, but I also know my feelings. I was with a young man for approx. three years. I'm not saying we had the greatest relationship, but we were best friends, at some point it started going downhill. It came to a point where I needed a little space, so I shared this with my boyfriend and he had a little trouble dealing with that. He didn't speak to me for a couple of months, he said it hurt too much. I took the time that I needed and got myself together, when I felt that I was okay to be in a relationship again I shared this with him. He was obviously still hurt, but he said that he still had feelings for me and wanted to try over. We did, and it was going okay for a while, he was still resentful, but I expected that. After almost three years, we decided to take our relationship to the next step...sex. A week after both of our first experiences I found out, through a overheard convo that he was involved in some sort of relationship for the past few months with, you guessed it my best-friend. Now, I'm no one's doormat, so leaving the situation wasn't the problem, but then two weeks later, a very close relative of his died, quite tragically, and he called me, he said he understood that I was mad, but that he needed me, that my former best friend, at this point, couldn't understand him. I was there for him, conversations, a hug, or just a ear if he needed it, but it was with the condition that once he got back on his feet that I was gone. The day came when he started going out again, talking to other people, and I noticed he was improving, so with the agreement we made I stopped talking to him. Since then I've been involved with someone else, I have feelings for this person, but to be honest their feelings are stronger than mine, I thought I was over my ex and the situation with me ex-friend, until I heard that they are still together. I haven't spoken to her about the situation, because I would punch her dead in her face, and I haven't spoken to him because I know he's already under a lot of stress, but I still feel that I need answers. I want to know why, I want to know if they even think about me and my feelings, or if they regret it at all, I want to know if they know that they hurt me. Even when the both f**ked up I still worry about their feelings more than my own. What is it that I want, do I want him back, do I want my friends back? I feel completely alone, not to mention that ALL my "friends" knew about the affair and no one informed me. I'm sad all the time, I stay at home, to avoid places that I know the two of them will be. I don't know I'm lost, and it's sad because the only people that I have to talk to or to trust are complete strangers. I can't talk to my current boyfriend, because he won't understand that this isn't about him, it's about closure. I can't talk to my friends, because I'm still resentful that they all knew, plus they act like nothing happened everytime I try to bring it up. I would talk to his mother and sister about everything, but I don't want to bad mouth her son and her brother. What should I do and what do I want? I know that this is a long problem to read, and to be honest this is just a summary of the past three years, if you feel that you need anymore information to answer my question please tell me. I just want something insightful, something that is realistice, or just someone to care about me for once instead of me caring about everybody else all the damn time. Thank you for reading this even if you don't respond, at least I feel that people are listening to me. P.S. there is a little over a month before I leave for college, that could factor into your response.

[Versa]

Hi there, breaking up is a bugger and I don't know what to tell you with regards to closure but going off to college will be the best thing. Time and distance will be good for you, to get you thinking about other things.

 

If you still want to ask questions then, ask, choose your moment either by phone or face to face or other methods. But know that the answers might not be to your liking or they may sound incomplete or a fob off, as we guys think and do some things quite differently! Also give it time, as feelings will be quite high and will be a bit easier for both sides as time goes on (at least that is what I have found).

 

I have found that you can be excellent friends with ex's some times it takes a few months before things stop feeling weird but it can be a real shame to loose contact with someone you develop such a special bond with. Listen to what others say as the more input the better