Bad friend the cause of my problems?

[Bambi]

*Sighs* Well, yeah I'm confused. Very...very confused. Maybe you can help, maybe you can't. But I need to say this anyway and at this point I don't care who hears! (This is an improvment from keeping it all to myself don't you think?)

(Please note, most of what happens with this friend is done on AIM, because she goes to a diffrent school...sort of..than me. Also I don't know if this will make sense because once again, I am confused so be warned.)

 

Well I discovered the root to my problems. At least I think so, but that's where I'm just plain confused. It's a friend of mine that's the problem. She starts off by telling me this story you would need to be an idiot to believe. When I don't believe her she starts on how I don't understand her, that I'm an awful friend, yadda yadda. I finally get her to confess about the story but it never ends does it? No matter what we talk about it comes down to the same thing, I don't understand her, I'm the worst friend to ever come accross this pitiful planet and I'm the most non-sympathetic person in the world is the latest one.

 

Do you know what it does to a person, who already has many self-esteem issues as it is, to be told that you're a horrible friend? Nothing good that's for sure. After this I'm now noticing a pattern. I started to think EVERYONE was againest me. Everyone. I'd snap at people who did nothing and was convinced that all everyone did was talk about me. I was slowly losing my friends. I'll admit I don't make friends as easily as most people, but I was amazed I could lose them easier than make them! See I have this thing, if you bother me I will be mean to you ten times worse. I can't help it, it's not something I do on purpose. The attitude just kicks in and I will lash out even going as far as breaking a person's nose.

 

And than yesterday it happened! She just went too far. I had come pretty close to telling her what was wrong with me and why I was acting so...weirder than usual, but whenever I thought of all the times I was called a 'horrible friend' I thought, "Screw it, she isn't worth it." But still I kept talking to her. She decided to go through a therepist mode where she told me her life story, than I'd tell her mine. Well...I didn't really want to tell her my lifes story but it didn't seem like I had a choice in the matter. When she starts to tell her mine, I realize I THOUGHT (I wasn't sure so I asked) already know what happened to her because I think (THINK, meaning I wasn't sure) I saw her post it somewhere on this website. She didn't believe I knew and DEMANDED I tell her what it was that happened...I don't know if she expected me to tell her how BRAVE she was and hug her and say it was alright or WHAT but when I did tell her (I just said it straight out) she said I was the most non-sympathetic person in the world AND (Surprise surprise!) a bad friend especially compared to her ex-boyfriend who is a complete jerk. So I can't even tell if I guessed wrong and it wasn't her post, OR it was and she was mad that I wasn't treating her like a princess who just went through a horrible ordeal (It happened a long time ago anyway...) At this point I was seeing red...I had barely done anything! (Barely) So I ran to one of my bestest friends ever and he told me right off, "Block the * * * * *. Why are you so stupid as to keep talking to her when all she does is make you miserable?" After a bit he got angry that I was so upset and signed off. (He's not very sympathetic at all, that's his way of showing he cares ^^) I thought about it for a moment, than just blocked her. No thought or anything. I blocked her, deleted her number from my phone, EVERYTHING and ANYTHING to just avoid all contact with her. I started to talk to her this morning but naturally she had her little crowd of friends around her and if I tried and got angry I thought they might attack me or something....

 

Than an amazing thing happened! I FELT LIBERATED! It was like all of my problems were gone! =D I figured she wasn't worth it and went about my day, and trust me this has to have been the best day I have ever had in a LONG time. I started talking to my friends and realized, they didn't hate me! That was all in my head. Needless to say it was like my head was in the clouds. I even let my friend draw what she had called, "The Fomula of Life." on my hand in Permanent marker to show we were friends, something I would NEVER have let her do before.

 

But now naturally Miss. Nice Girl kicks in. I start to feel guilty about blocking her without even explaining myself, so I'm now torn between, "She doesn't deserve any word from you. I betcha she doesn't even miss you cause she's selfish like that!" and "It might be partly your fault, so maybe you should talk to her." So now I can't tell. Maybe it was my fault, maybe. But my biggest fear is I'm afriad if I DO bring it up all the blame will fall to me and I will be called a horrible friend AGAIN! She doesn't seem to understand she's as much in fault as I am during these, she just immediately blames me. So should I try to talk to her and risk breaking something out of anger, or just leave it alone and forget it? o.O I mean she was my best friend making it even harder. I wouldn't mind having her back as a friend but only if she's willing to compromise and not be so freaking quick to judge...I realize I am at fault plenty, and so is she. I just don't know if she'll realize that herself.

 

Ok now I am done! And I feel about ten pounds lighter hehe. Sorry it's so much, I kind of went into a half trance, half rant...but anyways that's it. See you.

 

[robowarrior]

Most misery that we experience in life comes from 'other people' who put darkness and hatred into our lives.

 

Your friend adviced to 'block' , and he was right and it relieved you.

 

You have to act like a 'castle' , using your drawbridge to let the good things,emotions and people in, and pulling it up 'blocking' against alll the nasty things,negativity, bad people. Using your castle's defences to block all the arrows that they shoot at you.

 

You have to bring order in chaos in your life, and understand the following.

 

Nothing in this universe can bring you happyness exept love and helping other people.

 

The meaning of life is that we are to bring love and light into the people's lives who live in darkness and hatred. This is why you probably unconsiously felt guilty about blocking this person out, yes helping people out is nice, to that extend that you don't hurt and damage yourself. This is why you blocking her out should remain until you are ready (and i personally think your not ready by a long shot) to bring her back on a right direction and complain to her about her overal negative behaviour to everyone.

 

Be carefull as who you choose to be friends with, because with friends like her who needs enemies?

[Imperceptible]

I had "friends" like that. I didn't realize they weren't my friends until a couple years ago when I met people who can now say are real friends to me. Friends do not make you feel bad at any time! Real friends never put you down and stomp on your self esteem. Real friends make you feel good about yourself, when you're having a bad day, good day, sad day, or just because. Friends stay friends with you all day, every day. They don't play silly games with your emotions. Your other friend is right "Block her." Be strong and try making better more loyal friends. If she tries to charm you, then tell her how she hurts your feelings when she calls you a horrible friend. If she says you're horrible for telling her this, then say "No one stays friends with someone they believe is horrible. And if you think I'm horrible then we shouldn't be friends anymore."

[Bambi]

^^ Thank-you for replying! Your advice was very helpful. Yeah I realize I should just forget but I still feel bad. But than I remember she probably doesn't even care right now so I don't feel AS bad. Maybe someday I'll talk to her but right now I would just as soon jump off a building before I spoke to her.

 

I feel a lot better, better than I have been in a while. I had a concert today and I made a few new friends, ate lots of pizza, and now my feet are killing me. *Nods* Life is awesome isn't it?

 

So once again, thanks for your advice. ^^ I'll keep it all in mind.

 

[Cellisia]

yes i know most of u will want to kill me right now, iam the supposed bad friend, i can say that somtimes i will blow and get over emotional and i have alot of problems but i wont get into my pity story, i will get mad at her bc she has called me a liar and a * * * * * and yadda yadda yadda and i did get mad at her bc i just told her somthing that happedn to me when i was younger and i thought she didn't give a * * * * about it so i got upset and didn't talk to her for a while, i'm not saying that she's is a bad friend all the time,hell we all get mad and get into our fights about it, i have depression, had a messed up past and a messed up present, i myself am messed up, emotionally abused and all this other * * * * thats wrong with me, but if i did anything wrong i wanted to post this bc even if she doesn't care like alot of my other so called friends, and even if i become invisible like i was to her today when i went to say hi, even if iam the big problem like i have been told i want to appologize bc it seems that iam the big problem and no one should be my friend

~sincerely Cellisia~

[Cellisia]

but yeah sry i apparently am a bad friend but i dont think that she is, i would say that when i got mad at her, she never wants to talk to me and i try to tell her things that happened to me so she wouldn't feel like she was alone but i guess that wasn't the problems, but i should thank her bc apparently two of my other so called friends talked * * * * about me and told her to ditch me, i thouight i could trust them but i guess like my mom said the only and best friend i will have is me myself and i, jen if u think ur more happier without being my friend, even though it makes me feel terrible that u just didn't talk to me without telling me what i did wrong, u dotn have to b my friend, most ppl dont want to, iam messed up, and somtimes i just want to talk to u about some things but somtimes u make it worse bc i guess ur just naturally unsympathetic, if like i've been told that iam nothing but a big problem than i myself dont even see why i have friends, if i can even call them that, iam sry i IMed u b4 and appologized bc i ruined ur once happy day.

~sincerely cellisia~

[Bambi]

*Sighs* Wow...yeah well I have nothing to say to you on here. If you would like to know how i feel than I will tell you, just not here. Seems rude to spam up their board. =/ But than after that I am done because I am just plain SICK of dealing with you.

[Cellisia]

alrighty then, i thought we were friends but oh well, when u accept my apology, if u do, and decide to to talk to me again then just IM me, despite what u may think, even if u arent my friend, if u need to talk or somthing, or just get away, or need help i'll always b a phone call away