So Confused

[xblondyx]

Well, as some of you may know, it's been nearly a week since the break up. I am still very upset about it and miss him a lot.

 

Anyway, we had just started strict NC and it had lasted two days until yesterday, he spoke to me on MSN.

I had deleted him off my list so that i couldn't speak to him, but i didn't block him. Anyway, this is how the convo went:

 

Him: hey, how are you?

Me: Hi, im good thanks you?

Him: Im ok

Him: What you upto?

Me: Just watching TV. you?

Him: Playing my guitar and getting my kit ready

Him: I heard somethings happening with you and someone on friday. Whats happening?

Me: Oh, im just going out with some friends that i've not saw for a while.

Him: Oh. Ok.

Him: Ok, well, i was just wondering how you are so i thought i'd ask and make sure your ok.

Me: Thanks im good.

Him: Ok

 

Then 10 minutes later:

Him: By the way, "C" told me that you and your friends are still invited to the party on saturday

Me: Oh Ok. I Know. "A" wants me to go with her but i thought it might be a bit awkward since "C" is one of your best mates.

Him: Im not bothered

Him: i'll probably be bladdered by the time you get there

Me: Me too, as normal

Him: Yeah, one drink and your away with it!

Me: eesh

Him: eesh but true

Me: Yup, very

Him: Lol

 

Then nothing else So yeah. He broke NC.

 

I got my guy mate (and also an ex) to analyse the convo from a guys point of view. He said that by actually started the convo and asking how i was because he was wondering means that he's been thinking about me.

Also, by reminding me about the party, he's telling me to go. But also keeping it cool by saying he's not bothered. My guy mate says that he must still feel something for me but he's playing it cool.

 

Well that TOTALLY confused me.

 

Also, at school, he kept looking over at me in our free lesson. He was on a different table with his back to me, but he kept turning around and looking. Even two of my friends noticed so i wasn't just seeing things.

Also, i walked accross the room and his eyes followed me and then when i walked back he was still watching.

 

What am i meant to think of this? He said he wanted space so i gave him it but he's still contacting me and looking at me. Im very confused and upset!!

 

Anyone got any opinions??

[Scout]

I think your guy friend is right, and I think your ex is having second thoughts, BUT...that does not mean you should show you're still interested. In fact, the way to get his second thoughts to turn into a concerted effort to win you back is to show that you're actually doing just fine without him.

[xblondyx]

So, you think i should just carry on with NC?

[Scout]

Absolutely. And don't answer his next IM. Wait until you see him at the party, and speaking of the party...I see a potential disaster here. Based on the IM conversation you had, you have difficulty controlling your alcohol intake. That's a recipe for making a complete and utter fool out of yourself over him if you get drunk at this party. Limit yourself to one drink, or better yet, none at all. Or else, I can almost guarantee you'll act in a way that will have you cringing in embarrassment the next day - and pretty much blow your chances for any reconciliation.

 

You might even choose to skip this party. That will throw your ex off guard, because he'll be expecting you and disappointed when you don't show up. I know you badly want to see him, but sometimes, patience and willpower are the keys to winning someone back.

[xblondyx]

When he said "one drink and your away" he didn't mean it, he was just joking around.

 

I don't know whether to go.

Reason 1: I don't really like "C" who's party it is but i have to show up to be sociable

Reason 2: I can't really afford it

Reason 3: It's hard to get there and get home

 

But i've said to my friend "A" that i would go with her but now i'm not so sure :S

 

You think i should ignore his next IM if there is a one? That will be HARD. What about if he texts me? Should i just delete it?

[Scout]

Him: i'll probably be bladdered by the time you get there

Me: Me too, as normal

Him: Yeah, one drink and your away with it!

Me: eesh

Him: eesh but true

 

I don't know...that kind of sounds like he meant it. Anyway, it sounds like you have very good reasons not to attend. I personally think if you cut off NC, privately tell your friend that you can't go to the party after all and ask her not to tell anyone, thus creating a situation where he's deeply disappointed when you don't show up - you'll have him eating out of your hands within one to two weeks.

[xblondyx]

I hope so. I don't know. Im worried that if i'm not there he'll think that i don't want to see him so he'll move on and forget me

[Scout]

That's a common worry, but take my word for it: he WILL wonder why you don't want to see him, and that curiosity will drive his ego nuts. He may very well say to himself, well the hell with her...and then the next day he'll ask again...but why doesn't she want to see me? Has SHE forgotten me and moved on? Yikes, I better do something about this!

 

My dear...trust me on this one.

[xblondyx]

ok thank you! I'll stick with NC. Won't go to the party. Hopefully he'll come running lol

 

Anyone else got any opinions on the MSN convo n the analysation?

[xblondyx]

Just been thinking. I don't think he's going to want me back. i just think he's being friendly. the reason why i think this is because yesterday he said that he was happy being young free and single. maybe he's just being civil? oh gosh i'm so confused and can't stop thinking about it! someone help me!

[Scout]

Yes, but if you proceed with my advice, he'll be very unsure about what you're really thinking, too. And that will likely change his mind about a few things! Plus, it sounds like he misses you, too. But, he may still think he wants to be free. Let him have his freedom - without you in it. Give him a chance to actually miss you more.

 

Be patient.

[xblondyx]

i'll try lol sorry

[Scout]

It's hard I know. But think of this as an interesting experiment in human behavior, lol. Also, give yourself a little break if you can from worrying. Sounds to me like you've put so much effort into this relationship. Why not just step away from this a bit, and let the Universe do its work.

[xblondyx]

Just logged onto MSN. and my ex started talking again. Asking if i'm going to the party on sat. I didn't reply and he started going ???????? constantly so i decided to reply to shut him up (lol). Said i wasn't sure as i didn't know many people going but maybe.

 

He started saying all of my friends names asking if they were going and i said "A" might be going and he was like. "oh. well there you go. someone for you to go with. just keep her away from me though, she keeps giving me evil looks. don't know why though".

 

Is that his way of MAKING me come? Does that mean he really wants to see me?

[Diggitydave]

Blondy. I am a basketcase right now but once being a young man in my teens it sounds like your ex has a sligh case of "duh i'm an idiot". I don't think he realizes what happened nor has accepted it. I think he's keepin you on a thread.

[xblondyx]

so you think he thinks he's made a mistake?

or just saying things to keep my hopes up?

[Diggitydave]

I dont' want to get your hopes up. I am not really sure why he's doing it, i dont' know him personally. However, he could wnat you there for 2 reasons, because he feels stupid now OR just to keep you on back up.

[xblondyx]

Yeah. That's why i'm very confused at the mo.

[Scout]

Right. So go into No Contact! Look what happened when you didn't talk to him for a few minutes...he got persistent. Look what happened when you were vague about going to the party...he got persistent.

 

Do you see what's happening here? He is pursuing you because you aren't being desperate! Now, no more contact!

[xblondyx]

Ok. Lol. I won't speak to him this BETTER work

[Diggitydave]

Just don't turn it into a game. Don't do NC to make him run to you. Do it to get over it. If he wants you back he'll let you know. Don't get your hopes into any conversation he persists with. Be strong. I was for about a week then i gave in....again.....now i kick myself.....again... no it's not like you're giving up an addiction but sometimes there are things in this life that hurt us that if we don't starve them (well starve us of them) they won't go away without a fight.

[kellbell]

Hey xblondyx!

 

Do not use NC as a game or as a way to get your ex back. That is not it is for. It is a technique for YOU, as a way to heal, move on, and recovery.

 

I still push for hard-core NC. I would definitely block his name from your MSN IM list so there is no confusion about what he wants or what his intentions are. Confusion on your behalf will on hinder your recovery.

 

Hang in there...there are more fish in the sea.

[Scout]

Well...if she loves the guy and wants a reconciliation, in her situation NC can only work in her favor. It sounds to me like he's starting to waver a bit on his decision, and NC can only make him wonder more. Let's face it, if he sees her moving on with her life, it's going to make him question several things.

 

Now, I agree with the others that if you put all your hopes on NC getting him back, that kind of defeats the other purpose of NC: to rediscover yourself by putting the focus back on you. Sometimes, we kind of lose sight of who we are in a relationship...our interests, our activities...some of the very things that initially drew someone to us. And then we become this person who has become solely focused on our relationship. That's not really the wisest course and we lose some of the sparkle that attracted our boyfriends/girlfriends to us in the first place.

 

So, NC does help you get back in touch with yourself, so to speak, and it does help you heal faster from the sting of a break-up. And - very important here - it helps you keep your dignity and your head held high when someone has broken up with you. Take a look at some of the misery many eNotalone members have experienced when they absolutely would not stick to NC.