Should I chase or give him space to save our relationship?

[Goldie]

 

 

I've already posted on here a few times.. but I just need a little help.

 

I'm sat at work wondering whether to call my boyfriend of a year after he told me last night he felt it didn't feel right and he was thinking of ending it.

 

Is it best to give him some space or call him to see how he is?

 

I'm torn. Because I don't want to lose him and wonder if which of the above I should do to keep him.

 

G x

[raggamuffin]

I think you should definitely give him some space, he will respect that and really appriciate it. If you chase him he will feel pressured and more likely to end it.

[Goldie]

I caved in, some unknown force made my hand dial his number. And guess what! He didn't answer. So I left a bumbling 'i love you..call me' message. Doh!

 

Do you ever get one of those sinking feelings.. when things that have happened over the past couple of weeks start to make sense. When everything pieces together.

 

I can see this is the beginning of the end and can just feel him slipping through my fingers. I have never experienced so much pain.

 

You can hear it in my voice, see it in my eyes and all of my friends don't want to know anymore.

 

I have never felt so low, alone and unhappy. All I ever wanted was for everything to be good and happy.

 

He won't ring back you know. He won't call all week. I just know it's over and he loves me so is doing it the coward's way. Which kills me. I just want to get away from here.

[raggamuffin]

I know what you mean. Maybe you should take yourself on a trip just too give yourself sometime and so you arent surrounded of things that remind you of him. Hang in there everything is okay in the end so if its not okay then its not the end.

[Goldie]

I have been thinking of getting away for a couple of days.

 

I think with an action plan I may well get through the week a lot easier.

 

I may just pack a bag and when I finish work on friday just drive and drive and find a hotel wherever I end up and just chill out.

 

I can't turn to my friends because they're all his and even though I know I've still got them all no matter what happens I just think they've had enough of hearing about my problems. Which is fair enough because I'm sick of them too. So they must be.

 

I think a couple of days away and keeping myself super busy all week will stop me from calling him and in the meantime make him realise we are good together....

 

Sigh... All I wanted was a playmate forever.

[Alpar80]

WOW! This is like a mirror image of my situation! If you read my post on "breakup gettin me down" you will realize how similar the situation is. I feel your pain goldie. It is the late night temptations to call, the times when you drive past a place where you and him shared that special kiss, those memories that keep rambling in your memory.

Trust me he knows that you share the same memories as him, unless he suffers from severe memory loss! This is the hardest part for me to get over with my situation, the fact that we shared soooooo many great times together, but had some hard ones, and to realize that this may all be over really tears me up inside. She was my first "real love", there has been those in the past that have came and went but nothing has ever made me feel the way I felt with her, and I believe the same holds true with her.

I know that you are tempted to write him and call him and show up at his house and beg him, but we don't need to loose control of ourselves, this could be deemed as being "psycho" from the other. You are a very vulnarable person, like me, right now and as much as you do to get away from it, it just keeps swarming your head. I went hiking yesterday to clear my mind and it really helped. Doing anything you can do to keep busy and keep your mind off things for a while will help, and it will give him the space. It is never over, tell yourself that. Keep yourself confident that things will work out, but dont obsess over him, this is the last thing both of you need. I know that my girl needs her space because she has reached a point in her life where she is facing change; this could be exactly what your boyfriend is facing.

I guess my main point is to be yourself. You are a beautiful person and tell yourself that. Make a list of dialy things you need to do, even if it is cleaning the house. Blast some music and be free. Remain confident and most of all give him his space. It IS THE HARDEST THING TO DO!! But, in when the smoke clears you will have his respect and a chance to win him back! Love is a battlefield, sometimes these roadblocks come to us as tests, hurdles, for us to leap and get past. If we show weakness, it will beat both of us. Such a person who needs space shall be granted their space. In due time things will work out. Be yourself, do everything you can to keep busy, and shine-on.

[Goldie]

I'm sat crying as I type this. Because I'm so sad and have been bottling it up and also because you've made me feel human again.

 

Your words were very kind and made me realise a lot of things. I find comfort in knowing I'm not going mad and he still hasn't called me back.

 

I think I really should be strong and just leave him alone. If he comes back to me once things have settled then I know he loves me and we can try again. Which would be fantastic.

 

But if the smoke clears and he still doesn't want me then he wasn't worth it.

 

But I so want him to want me. I've realised chasing him will only make matters worse. So thank you again. And I'll keep busy and give him his space and hope that when his head clears he'll want me back.

 

I wish sometimes I could rewind time so I could make the right changes. And all this wouldn't be happening now. But it is. And I'm sat at work struggling to concentrate.

 

Big hugs and hope you get it sorted with your girlfriend. She's a very lucky girl xxx

[Alpar80]

Goldie,

Rock on!! You are a strong willed person and are just looking for answers such as myself. We will, in time, get these answers just not right now. Be yourself and do things that you like to do. I am taking avantage of the weather today here in Maine and am going to a lake to jump off a cliff into the water. I went her with my gf last year, damn! You know, everywhere I go I have been there with her and had some great times? That is so hard to deal with but, you know I am me and she is she and I am not going to let this bring me down and am not going to stay captive of my emotions. Read my posts if you will on this site, im sure you will find a great deal of refuge in them. You situation is identical to mine!! It is so hard when you find that someone and make plans to move with them in a few weeks and then BAM!! It goes to hell in a handbag!! Well these are the tests in life that will make us strong and carry on in life. Pain is only temporary and what wont kill us will only make us stronger. Goldie, what I have to say to you is remain confident, dont crowd him....like im not gonna crowd mine, and enjoy your moment. You cant look to the future right now, you need to stay focused on this minute, then the next one and the next one. Life is a complicated ride and all of your questions match identical to mine. I want to instant message her, I want to call her just to go out to get a bite to eat, I want her to call me but, most of all I want things back to where they were. I am a optimist and remain confident that even if we never get back together, it wasnt ment to be. We all have spritual guardians watching us and they help us in life. Mine right now could be saying she needs to find herself. As much as I love her and appreciate her, I still see a little girl hiding who is very scared and all i want to do is hold her and make her feel my warmth and compassion. Right now we cant do that and in due time if she wants that she knows where to come. So stop asking yourself these questions, go out and enjoy the day! Remain strong and if you feel like calling him write me an email at alex.kominski@umit.maine.edu I will do the same! We gotta be there for one another right now!!

Take care and like Bob Marley said:

Forget your troubles....and dance

Forget your sickness....and dance

Forget your weakness..and dance

[Emmylu]

Hi Goldie, I know how you feel. I've gone through that before (although I've stopped getting upset about break-ups after I've had a near death experience). Anyway, I want to suggest to you to be good to yourself. That does not necessarily mean splurging on material, and physical things. It also means not being so hard on yourself. You should just say, "I'm happy with myself, take me as I am (or not, whatever)". Don't analyze things, but rather give yourself a break and hold your head high and be proud of just being yourself. Other than that, there's not much you can do but to just wait it out.