BFs Mother

[PersonalGrowth]

I found this site a few days ago and I think it's just awesome. It makes me appreciate my bf even more when I see some of the posts here and I love seeing mens' perspectives on things.

 

I could use some advice on how to discuss a touchy topic. My bf adores his mother and this is one of the qualities I love in him. She has been ill quite a bit lately (colds and flus), having migraines, and unable to get out of bed and he has spent the little bit of time that he has available tending to her for the last couple of months (prior to that, this kind of thing happened every couple of weeks rather than ongoin). I understand this as a short-term kind of thing but am concerned that she may always be the priority, even when she is feeling well and even if we were to marry. She seems to be sick a lot and I am sometimes suspicious that she may exaggerate her ill feelings in order to get him to cater to her. Again, my concern is with the long-term potential of the relationship.

 

Thanks in advance for any ideas on how to broach this very touchy topic. He so loves and adores his mother that I have to tread carefully.

[Dako]

Is your BF's mother single?

[keenan]

I don't know if I would bring it up at all. If he loves and adores his mom, you may not be able to say anything against her without him reacting defensively. What's your goal? If he's a total mama's boy pushover and it's going to be a problem, then be very gentle and have a specific point, and don't belabor it. If otherwise, just be as cool as possible and hope that he sees through any antics on his own. Good luck.

[PersonalGrowth]

She is not single but she is in her late sixties and his father, her husband, is away on business more often than not (CEO).

[NJRon]

Hmm... you may just have to come to terms with the fact that his mother will always be first... I mean, I don't know how long you have been going out. If you have only been seeing each other a little while, I don't see it as odd. If you were pregnant with his child and he had to skip out on you because his mom had a sniffle.. yeah, I'd be concerned.

[Dako]

Mama's boy here.

I'm the kid that takes care of my mother. Since my father died, I feel responsible for her welfare as a duty to them both. My siblings have too many problems to be of much help. She doesn't run my life and I don't run hers.

She's a daffy old broad, and I love her dearly.

 

That said, I'd never let her mess up my personal life.

[DN]

It does seem odd to me that when a woman has a loving and caring relationship with her mother that is seen as a good thing and yet when a man has exactly the same kind of relationship with his mother he is seen as a Mama's boy and not capable of a good relationship with his wife. I spy a double standard here.

 

But my own observations are that the way a man treats his mother is very often indicative of the way he will treat his wife. Providing she doesn't try to start a competition with his mother that is.

[PersonalGrowth]

I've been able to indirectly address my concern and am happy with the outcome. I let my boyfriend (we've been together a year) know that I need some more time with him. I've only been seeing him for a couple of hours a week lately, and when I posted, I hadn't seen him for two weeks while he cared for his mom. He set a couple of hours aside to see me saying, "my mom's still feeling sick but I'm going to come out to see you tonight anyway."

That told me all I needed to know. He is willing to make me a priority when necessary, and as I said in my first post, his love for his mom is one of the things I love about him.

 

Thanks all for taking the time to weigh in.

[keenan]

Glad to hear this. He sounds like a good guy, and you sound like a patient and understanding woman.