I admit I have a problem

[princessdi75]

...........

[Steven1607307306]

You're not insane. He is sweet to you, but he has a busy schedule. Did he tell you why he can't see you tomorrow? Honestly if he is in a bad mood, and he doesn't want to see you, that just sounds a bit iffy to me. Try and explain to him that sometimes you need to see him, just don't be too strong about it. Tell him how you feel, but don't let him manipulate you, and tell you that you are too insecure, and dependent.

 

You need to be able to get up in the morning and get yourself busy. If you are busy while he is, then time will go faster, and you won't be thinking about him all the time. Maybe then you'll figure out that you don't ALWAYS have to see him. If you keep yourself busy, it will help you to be independent.

[Steven1607307306]

Nah, you aren't selfish. If he wants you to stop by and see him then great, stop by and see him! If you just wait it out, things ar sure to settle down and all this anxious waiting will pay off, when you guys finally get the alone time you have been longing for. Just try not to live in llimbo counting every minute till you see him.

[xmrth]

I do the exact same thing with not making plans JUST in case my boyfriend can see me. Here's another example= he called me just a little bit ago from work, and I know he will be working all day long and rest tonight or go to the gym. He asks what I'm doing and I have class. But I have to be up there on campus at 11 and I'll leave around 3:00. I told him I am only going up for an hour and will be out by 1 in case he wants to do something, he'll still call and think I'm available.

 

But it's things like that where you really have to let it go, and keep those plans, and mention your day ahead to give space, to show you have a life, and I imagine after a while developing more independence, but it's hard.

Just keep trying.

[NJRon]

I guess I just feel like if I'm not available when he is available (which he usually doesn't know til the last minute what he's doing) then I will be too busy to fit into his busy schedule, and then where will we be??

 

You will be in the land of mutual respect. By you not waiting for him to give you a last minute call, and always being available for whatever, you will show him that your time is valuable to you. That is a part of being independent, that you respect and value your *own* time. There is no incentive for him to try and respect your time by making arrnagements to get together, because he knows that he can, at his whim, give you a call and you will come running.

[princessdi75]

...........

[NJRon]

Do you have other friends to hang out with? Or is your entire social life currently wrapped up in your boyfriend?

[princessdi75]

.................

[NJRon]

It's good to have your hobbies and sounds like you have a couple of friends. However, I think your social circle is pretty lacking. If you started to work on expanding it, it could help counter the obsessiveness you are feeling toward your boyfriend.

 

You need to focus on some of *your* needs independent of your boyfriend. If he wasn't in the picture at all, how pleased would you be with your social outlets?

 

When you focus on a very few people to give you social interaction, small changes in that interaction can feel large. For instance, my ex and I used to text message each other all the time, wherever we went, we were always with each other... it was like carrying each other around in our pocket.

 

When she would fail to respond to a text message within 30 minutes I started to obsess... why wasn't she responding, did she dump me? I was relying too much on that interchange.

 

Now, I have about half a dozen friends that I communicate with right now, still growing it. I don't get all bent out of shape when one of them is being unresponsive, I just move on to another one. Eventually it all evens out. I don't bug out wondering why someone doesn't get back to me, because I know they will if they want to and it is no reflection on me.

 

Anyway, these are just some thoughts that I have had and what I have done for myself to help, because I have been in a similar boat as you...

[princessdi75]

................