Gone Away

[Gone Away]

My boyfriend and I have been together about 2 years and lived together a little more than a year. He was always so in love with me and so great. I never loved him the way he loved me. I'm just not that kind of person. Things ended up turning bad and he cheated twice and I think when that happened I wanted to be with him more than ever. So, I tried to get past it. But I ended up becoming very nasty and mean. I guess because I'm not really big on expressing myself. We lived together for about four more months we didnt even sleep in the same room anymore. About a week ago we talked and decided I was going to move out. I guess it was more on his part than mine. He was really mean after that and that's not really like him. Thursday were on the phone and he comes over that night. Friday I went to our old place to pack and I ended up spending the night with him. Saturday He helped me move out and saturday night he ends up sleeping at my place. Sunday he ends up spending the night with me and we decide maybe we'll try to work things out. Then on monday he's telling me he's not sure. Then he showes up monday night and loves me and wants to work things out. Our whole relationship I've been in charge of everything. I always thought he was lucky to have me and I treated him like crap. Now today is Tuesday and my head is all messed up about this. We have never been happier and the sex is great but we broke up. I still want to be with him I just dont want to live with him. I feel so weak and that's not me. I love him more now than I ever did when we were together. I hate that's I'm even on this site lol ... I just need to understand. He's back to loving me and I'm sure I love him but I feel like maybe he doesn't know what he wants.....

 

 

We've spent more time with each other broken up then we did when we were together

I'm just hurting so much and have no clue what to do.

[NJRon]

You stopped loving him because you took him for granted and didn't respect him. Now that you are "broken up" you can't take him for granted. Now that he is standing up for himself, you are gaining respect for him.

 

This is a good thing, but you went about it in a messed up way.

 

I don;t understand why you would go out with someone that you always felt superior to. I mean, sounds like you're settling.

[kadvati79]

Woah, lots going on there! Pain, hurt, and trust takes a big toll on emotions and also the ability to communicate honestly - because u develop a fear of getting hurt.

 

Have you tried counselling? Together and apart maybe? When my ex broke up with me it really got me reflecting on things, in a way I could never reflect on while in the relationship. Time and space can do that.

 

I'm not really sure what advice someone could give you, other than an effort to try and improve the communication + trust.

[DN]

Sounds like neither of you knows what you want. Why don't you talk to him and agree to go no contact for one month and then get together and decide what you want to do?

 

Take that time to reflect and think - see if you miss him or if you find it easier without him.

 

If after a month you do decide to get back together, make a mutual effort to put the relationship back on track - a good way to start would probably be couples counselling.

[Gone Away]

You stopped loving him because you took him for granted and didn't respect him. Now that you are "broken up" you can't take him for granted. Now that he is standing up for himself, you are gaining respect for him.

 

This is a good thing, but you went about it in a messed up way.

 

I don;t understand why you would go out with someone that you always felt superior to. I mean, sounds like you're settling.

I truly don't think I'm better than him but I acted like I was. I always put him down and picked at him.

[ocrob]

You seem to want him more now because it is a challenge and he is not available. It sounds like you could have treated him better, but him cheating on you was completely wrong. If you don't want to live with him, then just take things slow and see where they go.

[Gone Away]

And what's the deal with no contact I keep reading about it all over this site

[newts]

You both seem very confused about the relationship and it's causing you more confusion and hurt than it's suppose to.

 

No contact is a way in which both of you have time apart from the relationship to really decide what you want for yourselves and your relationship. If after a month of no contact you are still confused I suggest another month. When you are in a healthy relationship you should be clear about the direction of your relationship - not confused or hurt.

[Gone Away]

So, he called and said he wanted to come over ........ should I just go with the flow and see what happens or what?

[ocrob]

Do what works for you. If you do see him, I would not have sex with him. Unless, that is something you want and does not complicate your feelings. You have to do what is right for you. If you know what you want and he is not willing to give it, then you have to move on. If you are unsure, then maybe you can hang out and see where things go.