She says she doesn't have the same feelings for me

[SadandConfused]

It has been 4 months since our split. We were together for 5 years and have a 15 month old son together. She broke it off because of my drinking problem, which I have fixed. I havent drank since then and am getting help with this. We have spent every day off together and have a great time. When we are together, I cant tell there is a problem. We had a big talk 2 weeks ago, and she said she is willing to try and work it out. She said her feelings are different for me now, but she is willing to try. I forced her to do this, she wanted to be single but still have me around. I said I was going to file for child custody and sell the house if she wasnt going to try. She said she was going to try. She told me the other day that she loved me. I thought everything was slowly getting back to normal. Then last night she came home from work and was a little cold to me. We then talked. She said she still cares a lot for me, but does not feel the same way. She said it is hard being with me and not being in love. I told her if this is true, we need to move on. She has a lot of stress right now. She is from the Philippines and we support her family. Her parents are really hard up for money right now and so is her other family, they are all asking for more help. She talked to them 2 days ago, after she talked to them I could tell something was wrong. I am thinking that all of that stress, plus us trying to work things out is causing her to be even more confused about us. She also brought up us going to the PI next year. Anyways, she said how can I live with her if she doesnt love me. She then asked "what if I meet someone else." I told her all families have problems and it is hard to keep a relationship together, it takes a lot of work from both people. unfortunately she was doing all the work before, and I was being imature and selfish. Is it selfish of me to have her try to stay with me and hopefully fix our problem. Is it possible for her to still love me, but be confused. Is it possible for her to fall back into love with me. I know that it is the IN thing now adays to leave when the going gets tuff, but I believe that a family (We are not married, but have a son) should work on its problems. We made a commitment to each other when we had our son. I have scheduled a conselling appointment for us. I have been reading Dr. Lauras book -- 10 studpid things couples do to mess up their relationship. I have learned a lot about us and myself with this book. I am so lost.

 

Sorry for making this so long.

[kdreger]

Maybe Dr. Laura gives good advice even though she's a *beep* (I'm not gay but I respect their choice - that *beep* thinks they are an abomination - well *beep* her). Sorry, getting off topic.

 

Anyways, I have to admit I do think it's unfair of you to put pressure on her. Honestly, do you want her to stay if she's unhappy? When you love someone, you want them to be happy, even if they're not happy with you. Wanting someone to stay with you because you want them around is wrong - it's selfish and it isn't love. I understand your belief that you should fight if it's important but as you yourself said, she's been fighting for your relationship for awhile now. Now she's tired. As they say, "if you truly love something, set it free...".

[raggamuffin]

It seems that the only reason she is staying is because shes afraid of what you will do if she leaves you. In a way this is emotional abuse and you shouldnt put this much stress on her or emotionally blackmail her with threats of taking your son and selling the house. If you love her tell her that you will support her no matter what she choses because you love her. Do you want to be in a loveless relationship? And do you want your son to grow up around parents who seem to have many problems?? You have a lot to think about, but let your gf come to her own decisions without the stress you are putting her under. Instead of focusing on your problems try and support her with any other issues she may be having at the moment. This is the best way for her to see that you arent sooo selfish.