best boyfriend ever but i want out...

[gypsy]

i have the best bf in the world. he is so kind and wonderful and i've never met anyone like him. he really has a wonderful personality and i adore him. i've never met anyone like him before... i also love his family and his dogs...

 

before we hooked up, i already knew i was going a thirdway accross the world and i left 6months into the relationship. i visited him 2 months after i left and we are now almost on our first year.

 

the thing is it hasn't been smoothsailing. i feel like i can't focus on my life here coz i miss him and think too much about him. meanwhile all he does is party and hang out w people. a few i don't like but he still hangs out w em.

 

i guess i have nothing to worry or feel threatened about. but we really don;t communicate enough as he's always out. and he doesn;t really tell me stories about him. everytime i find out he's done something that i don't know about, i feel sad and hurt. like he doesnt tell me enough or he hides things from me.

 

maybe, i'm just being selfish. but the point is, i love him, but i want to move on already. coz i dont want to be affected anymore by his life or what he does. i dunno why i feel this. am i jealous? left out? i'd rather postpone this relationship but he doesnt want to.

 

but i honestly feel in my heart that i just wanna be away and be by myself and not hear from him or anyone in my past and how great they are etc. i just wanna move on. i can;t do that if we're together. i really want a new life. he may be the best bf but i don't know if i wanna let go... i really get bouts when i just want out and wish i could avoid him until i forget.

 

why am i like this? what do i do?

[gypsy]

oh yeah, sometimes i wonder if our relationship is a delusion. like when you say your bf is johnny depp and you're so into him but never hear from him... you know...

 

coz we rarely talk. he may be out talking about me but he rarely gives me attention. i feel so neglected and i make him feel what he does isn;t enough. it sucks.

 

i dont wanna lose him, but i really cant find peace in my heart anyway. i am already away but i still feel like i havent coz im tied to him. i wanna be free...

[Mrocza]

i'd rather postpone this relationship but he doesnt want to....

 

but i honestly feel in my heart that i just wanna be away and be by myself and not hear from him or anyone in my past and how great they are etc. i just wanna move on. i can;t do that if we're together. i really want a new life.

 

You're in the midst of the stressful LDR.

 

Not only are you not getting the together time you deserve in a relationship, but you're not even communicating.

 

He may be the greatest guy you've met...but you haven't met every guy out there. Unless you're planning to move back home or he's planning to move out to see you- which are both unlikely as this relationship has no chance to flourish with your limited contact- it's doomed already.

 

He doesn't want to postpone the relationship.

You want to move on.

 

Who's number one?

[sparkler624]

From what I'm gathering he doesn't seem to be the best boyfriend. If he isn't telling you things until way after they have happened, it kind of sounds like he is hiding things from you. If he was the best boyfriend he would be thinking about you constantly and you would be talking to him all the time. But from what you are saying this isn't the case. He is always going on and you two are rarely communicating. It sounds like you already know what you want to do (which is get out of the relationship), it's just a matter of you taking the steps to do it. You sound unhappy with how the relationship is going and you want to get away from the past. And if he isn't going to be moving into the future to be with you, then you two choices: stick with him and be prepared to miss him and wonder what he is doing, or break up with him and move on. I think the second choice is what you want from what you have been saying. It'll hurt for awhile, but you will most likely meet someone who is the best boyfriend.

[gypsy]

thanks guys. i guess i feel miserable coz i feel like it's better if it was done. but i dunno. he's out surfing every weekend, too. sometimes i feel like our relationship is a convenience. like he'd say 'drop me a line if it's convenient, but don't bend over backwards and make an effort for me.' coz i've been making it a point to be home at least from 3-4pm to hear about his day and he's very rarely there. it should be his bedtime but he'd be out w friends and go home much later too tired to talk. he's happy but he can't seem to empathise w my misery. he says he needs to hang out w people so he wont feel bad about me leaving and all he does is talk about me to them, but then i'm already there waiting online for him and he's never there!!! except once when he went home coz he felt i was mad already.

 

my other girl friend said he doesn't even look at other girls and all he does is talk about me. and i believe that girl. but some of the ppl he hangs out w are not trustworthy anyway coz the circle of friends are full of infidelities and swapping bf/gf. i asked him to stay away from that particular crowd coz it strains our relationship and i don't like it. and i get mad each time i find out he's been drinking w em. i'm sure he won't get influenced by them but i still don't like the idea... i dont want those kind of friends in my future. and that's when i find out he does hang out w em coz i see pictures of them partying together. that he does not tell me about.

 

i don't get it. i don't wanna worry or care about him anymore. when we're in the same city it's wonderful, but away from each other it really sucks. i really love him and i'm sure he loves me back, and i keep asking for his time. but now i don't know if i even want a minute of it...

[Mrocza]

Ofcourse you miss him, you're living separately.

 

But unless thats going to change, nothing else is going to change.

 

It seems not only like a convenient relationship but a one-sided one. You go home early to talk to him- he's not there. The effort should be both ways. He says he has to go out because he misses you too much- if he missed you he would be right there on msn to talk to you whenever he could.

 

I think it's pointless to continue it if you WANT to move on, if you WANT a new life and if you WANT to let go. I mean sure, you may liek the guy, but what do you know about him? Like you said, he's the dreamy Johhny Depp. You see him once in a while in a movie, but you never know WHO he is.

 

 

My point is, if you're not satisfied with this relationship, if it doesn't fulfill the requirements for happiness for you, if you are constantly struggling with feeling neglected and angry and annoyed- why waste energy? It's easy for you to break up with him and move on with your life. All you have to do is Do It.

[skyjuice]

Hi

 

Some guys are insensitives. They really do not know how to care about their girl friends.

Many of my female friends occasionly compliants about how insensitives their boyfriends are. How they don't hold their girl friends when she wanted to be hold and don't help their girl friends when she is tired.

 

Yet, these female friends still remain with their boy friends because they know that he is not perfect and he has to be guided and learn how to care for them.

 

Have you try telling him that you need his attention and you want to feel to be loved by him?

Have you ask him to give you a virtual hug or send you something inexpensive like his T-shirt? And when he gave it to you, you express that you are very happy and would like to reward him with something.

Some guys show they care by asking how is your day.

Some guys show they care by helping their girl friends to do housework.

Some guys show they care by showering their girl friends with gifts.

[gypsy]

you are all so right.

 

yes i have talked to him about my feelings. and i try to understand him, too. but i don't know why he can't seem to relate to me. he said he understands but i don't see any improvement. i don't know what's happening. maybe we both feel the other should compromise? i know he doesnt wanna give up. but i wish he'd put in more effort. he said a relationship shouldn't feel like an obligation. what does that mean? and if it's not, then what's the point then? do we live on delusions? thoughts and no actions?

 

i'm confused. coz i want to end it but i can't coz i love him and im scared of making a mistake and im really testing my patience... like what if i just pretend he's not my bf anymore and let him think he still has a gf if he can deal w lack of communication... except i cant lie and tell ppl i love them if i resent them...

 

anyway i already cried to him and said my heart hurts and why does he keep stuff from me and how we'll probably end up lovers but not friends if we don't talk and keep stuff from each other and spend more time w friends rather than each other. and i said i don't see the point in being in a relationship like that and how can he do it. how can he last not talking to me and just rushing to another party w/o checking or dropping me a msg.

 

he said he's sorry but he also said i only see the negative side and i compare him to other guys and i shouldnt. he said he understands me. i dunno if he really does. sometimes i do get tired and waste so much time worrying.

 

which is why i'd rather be just friends if we can't communicate everyday. i asked him already what he seeks in a relationship anyway etc. he just said sorry and he said he thought i understood him and i dont mind if we're like this. i said i dont know anymore and all i know is i need constant communication and trust isn't enough. i can idolize a person but not be his bestfriend. i dunno what he thought of that. i guess i'll find out.

 

i really want our relationship to work and it sucks a loooot but i dunno... sometimes i really feel like throwing in the towel. but maybe i am dating a little boy. we still have a long way to go...

 

anyway, i really appreciate your help, you guys. i mean, it's funny but it does help. thanks so much. it makes a difference to me.

[skyjuice]

Hi

 

Frankly, life is really sucks. It is never a smoothsailing.

You have told him how you feel. It is good that he at least has some sort of understanding.

 

In my opinion, relationship require constant effort to nuture the feelings we have for each other. It is like a relationship bank, when you care for each other, you bank in some points; when other care for you, you cash out some pionts. Though it is not an obligation, it require two person commitment to make it alive.

 

Does your boyfriend have difficulty in expressing personal feelings? Is he an introvert that does not communicate a lot? If he is, that explains a lot.

For me, it is hard to express love feeling verbally. So I prefer to write it down.

 

Does both of you experience trust issues? Is it important to you that he told you everything he did on daily basis?

 

Well, sometimes our own mind is deceiving. When we are sad all those negative thoughts and experience come out and discounted all those good things that your boyfriend did for you.

It is good to keep a journal on the good things he did for you. It is important, especially both of you are in a LDR.

[gypsy]

i dont know. i think we're both ok on the trust department. but its the communication that sucks. he says he dsnt like writing or emailing. we could skype but he's always out or asleep i dont know which. i just wish we could communicate or even just email everyday. even if it's just a short note or something. coz it frustrates me to look forward hearing about his day n it feels like he doesnt even care. he's done many great things for me wc is y i say he is the best bf. and he has very many amazing characteristics and i love his personality. but if we can't communicate everyday or hear from each other everyday then i don't see the point in sustaining a relationship. i'd rather not just have one otherwise it all feels imaginary to me. i can't make him put in effort obviously but sometimes i cant help feel that his friends are more important than me which is why he'd rather be out with them. why cant he tell me about his day? even in writing? im feeling very sensitive right now w him and i dunno how to deal w it anymore. i dont think we're even bestfriends at this point since we dont communicate.

[skyjuice]

Hi

Sorry for the late reply.

I understand that communicating everyday is very important to you.

IMO, I agree that communication is necessary. Sometime, we are busy with our life and we could not allocate time for our love one.

For example, my boyfriend is having examination and coursework to pass up in the same week. I understand that he is busy and stress out, so we did not talk in msn.

I just message him asking his day and what I am doing. He did not reply me until he finished his coursework and tell me how many words he wrote; and until one hour before the exam start to tell me that he is anxious about the exam.

Sometimes he reply me immediately and sometimes he reply me much later. Haha...sometimes he forgot to take his handphone out.

I am happy that he reply me even though it is much later. Because we are in different time zone, at my local time is morning 7.30am , at his local time is 11.30pm. So we may have something to deal with and we could not reply the message immediately.

 

We did not wait for each other to get online or set a specific time. When we want to talk in msn, we message each other if they could get online. Or we sometimes meet each other online.

 

Because both of us are quiet person and our lives become a routine, in msn, we would occasionally run out of topic.

 

I remember once, after I told him a lot of things and say it is his turn to talk. He simply does not have anything to talk. It is not that he does not want to communicate with me. It is because he really does not know what to talk about because nothing much happen in his life.

 

I normally will message him greet him good night every morning, when it is time for him to sleep. He will read the message, but will not reply me. I only know this when there is one time, when I intend to send a message to tell one of my colleagues to go first not wait for me. I mistakenly send it to him. So he reply me immediately and ask why. Haha...

 

This shows that he care for me, but he did not show it everyday.

 

Everyone express their love differently. Your boyfriend love you, may be he express it differently. May be through touching, or sending gift or just a simply how are you.

[sunny28]

I read an email recently about love and it reminded me of the saying that if two people are meant to be, fate and destiny will conspire to bring them back together. If someone loves you, he/she will set you free because he/she wishes you happiness. If he can't set you free, he is being possessive. True love is not about possessing the other. If he can love you the same way he did before you were even committed to each other then that must be unconditional love. Partners should wish the best for each other. I think you are not happy anymore, but you are scared to lose something you might regret. So many things can happen to each of you whilst you are apart. But if you are meant, then you will find each other again. Just be honest and take care of your friendship during the distance.