Hope...?

[Slagar]

Well, my first LTR came to an end on the 1st of January this year. I had had a very short relationship with someone else before I met the girl I was with for 22 months. She left me for someone else, and I found out she'd been leading me on (and treating me like crap) for quite some time...

 

Now I'm mostly over it, we're "friends". When we were together, we hardly ever fought, and the whole relationship was a fairytale to me. I really would have done anything for that girl, and I was willing to plan my life with her/for her. Boy am I glad I didn't do more for her than I did! My life would be a _real_ mess now if I had gone ahead with some of the plans we had thought about. Anyway, now I'm getting a much greater picture of what that girl is actually like, and I'm not sure if I like the type of person she is. Now I realise, I was willing to plan my life around her, and she wasn't even willing to cut her hair for me, lol.

 

Anyway, now I'm doing fine on my own... but for some reason I just can't see myself falling in love again. Not in an emo "wah, I loved her and she's gone" kind of way, but... now, when I look at girls, mostly all I see now is a lot of flaws. When I met that girl, and beforehand... I truly saw females as something greater than thou. I guess the last of my childish hopes/beliefs have been destroyed and now I truly see the world for what it is.

 

I'm not even sure if I _want_ to fall in love again... I'm still *looking* but, I don't really have my heart in it. At the moment, I can't see giving someone all my love and trust as a good idea at all. I feel that I'll certainly be much more wary next time around... but also that perhaps even if the right person *did* come along, all these feelings would keep me detached, and I just would not allow myself to fall in love with them. Perhaps these feelings would even prevent me from treating a girl properly and correctly, certainly as well as I treated that last girl.

 

But yet, I really don't want to go through life alone. I want to find someone new, to spend my time with, and share my life with...

 

I'm just wondering, will these feelings go away eventually? Am I just not ready to fall in love yet? When/if I fall in love again, will it all go back to being another fairytale, or will I stay much more objective? Is that childish part of me that had so much hope simply destroyed forever?

 

Will time really fix these issues, or am I just simply going to have trouble truly trusting and loving again for the rest of my life?

[Dako]

I can't believe what I'm going to write here, considering your post mirrors my current outlook about love, word for word. Here goes:

 

You'll probably fall in love even harder next time because your extra caution will weed out the flakey ones. You'll only let yourself go bananas over a really fine person worth the risk, and she'll rock your world like never before.

 

My first big heartbreak made me swear off dating for years. When I met the next one, I held back a bit and dated her for 2 years before we were married. It was incredible, and lasted a few decades.

 

Right now I'm terrified of dating.

[healinginnyc81]

I'm feeling like you are right now, like I'll never see a woman that I don't critique or distrust. I haven't had your same experience, but I have always had a fear of trusting people and I was very guarded with my heart. I thought I would never fall in love and strangely I was okay with that. I didn't have my first relationship until I was 21. It lasted until last December. It took a few months but I fell in love so hard with her. Unfortunately being my first relationship I made a lot of mistakes and so it's over.

 

But I think it's natural for us to feel like we'll never love again. We need to heal first and it's not a good time for us to be in a relationship anyway. I think once you feel better about yourself and take all the lessons you can from this relationship, you'll be open to the possibility of love again.

[Slagar]

It's true bkjsun, but I'm just not sure how long it will take, or if more time will truly help...

 

Well Dako, I hope you're right... I just hope I can find love again

 

Thankyou both for your replies, I appreciate it

[Hunny1607307342]

I feel to an extent like you, but to another extent not. I was sort of with a guy who I never had one fight with and we had all these plans. Then suddenly he said we should be 'just friends' and is dating again. But funnily enough, after I discovered he's not even the guy for ME, I felt the opposite to you. I felt like I WANTED someone else, as in "the one", someone who is crazy about me too (or in your case, will cut their hair for you lol), and I have this perfect idealisation of a guy...and I just can't wait. I know they wont be here soon though, because all the guys I know and have recently met (and there are tonnes), they're not that person. So yes, it will take time. A long time. I'm imagining a year or two which is sad but I have to be patient.

As long as your personal characteristics and mindset stays the same, which they will, there's no reason why it wont be another fairytale

[gratefulpain]

Dude I know how you feel. I went out to the mall and I couldnt even make eye contact... I felt like "less than" .. 0 confidence... but I went to a party last week , it was my sister birthday.. so I got tons of introductions... could not have been better for me.... all the girls were super nice and gave me hugs... I think my sister told them I was bummin....

 

I dont have any great words of wisdon but man I am in the exact same boat.. Im 3 weeks into the new me.. without her.....

 

SOMEWHERE OUT THERE THERES A HOT , LOVING, CARING ,SENSITIVE, GOOD HEARTED , UNSELFISH, GEM OF A WOMAN... who dosent know it yet but is gonna look you in the eye and say.... "thank god you broke up with her"