Is 10 years too much of an age gap?

[fishrrshortae]

Hey everyone

 

I was wondering if you all think a 10 year age gap is too much. My friend is 22 (she will be 23 this year) and working on her master's degree, and she is interested in a guy who is almost 33. Both are single, and neither of them have ever been married or have any kids. My friend met him by interning where he works, and although they do not see each other there frequently, she does shadow him sometimes.

 

They hung out yesterday all day, had a great time, and he made tentative plans to see a band some time (nothing definite). One problem though, is that when they were hanging out, he kept mentioning the age difference, saying things like "when I was doing this, you were 9 ..." and things of that nature.

 

So for you good folks, I have a few questions:

 

1) is the age gap an issue

2) should she avoid dating a guy she works with for ethical reasons

3) does it seem that he's not in favor of the relationships b/c of the comments he made

4) if they do start dating, should they tell their coworkers?

 

Thanks guys!

[melrich]

The age gap is OK. A huge number of people meet their partners at work. Yes they should tell co-workers, it's when they don't that problems can occur.

[ElektraHere]

1. She is going to do what she wants to do. Like it or not

 

2. 10 years is not a big age gap. I think thats fine

 

3. Work and romance is a tricky thing. If it doesnt work out you are pretty much stuck with them unless you transfer to another department or find a new job

 

4. Some companies don't like co-workers having relationships because of #3. Some companies have policies about it.

 

5. I wouldnt spread it round the office because there is always that one gossipy person that cant keep to their own business.

 

Hope this helps.

[PassionatePices]

ElektraHere gave great advice!

 

"3) does it seem that he's not in favor of the relationships b/c of the comments he made "

 

That's hard to say...he might overwhelmed that a younger girl has taken interest in him and in the process he is not thinking before he speaks.

 

He sounds excited to me!

[friscodj]

Here's what I think:

 

1) The age gap in-and-of itself is not an issue I think. She seems to be mature and intelligent, pursuing graduate studies. Now his comments may or may not mean he is concerned. He may just be joking about it, which might be good, showing that he is comfortable with it. Plus you never know how things will shake out in a more serious relationship. Will he feel superior to her because of his age? Will feelings like this develop down the road? Things like that can only be found out through giving dating a try...

 

2) This one is very personal. I know couples who have met at work and have great relationships. I've also known people start dating co-workers, one gets promoted, they break up...you get the picture... So be careful with this one...

 

3) See (1). It all depends on the tone of the conversation...

 

4) Another tricky one. Could somebody resent them for dating? Maybe someone else is interested in one of them? Perhaps a superior? This one would depend on the atmosphere of the office. Is everyone friendly? Small and tight environment? They'll probably find out eventually in time anyway...so why hide it? All things to consider and all the more reason to be careful with dating someone at work...

[newts]

From personal experience I met my ex husband when I was nearly 23 and he was 31. We had a fantastic time until I hit my 30's and realised I hadn't really experienced my 20's and thought there was so much more waiting for me now I was in my 30's, hence, we divorced. I don't regret meeting him or marrying him, we just grew apart and we both wanted different things as we got older.

[friscodj]

From personal experience I met my ex husband when I was nearly 23 and he was 31. We had a fantastic time until I hit my 30's and realised I hadn't really experienced my 20's and thought there was so much more waiting for me now I was in my 30's, hence, we divorced. I don't regret meeting him or marrying him, we just grew apart and we both wanted different things as we got older.

 

Very good point...thanks for sharing that...

[ShySoul]

1) I know all about 10 year age gaps. My oldest brother was married to a women 10 years older then him. My other brother was in a long and serious relationship with someone 10 years younger. So the age factor itself doesn't have to be a problem, so long as the two love and care for each other and they connect well.

 

2) Seeing someone you work with can have its problems. But it all depends on if they believe they can handle it and if they agree to work through any issue that might come up.

 

3) Don't think it means he's not into her. Just think he has a habit of remembering things from when he was that age and keeps bringing it up. If she has a problem with it, she should mention it and he should try to stop.

 

4) Well first, is there a rule that they can't date? In that case, they have to keep it a secret. Otherwise, I wouldn't say anything. Keep your work life and your personal life as separate as possible. Could avoid a lot of problems at work.

if they do start dating, should they tell their coworkers?

[fishrrshortae]

hey guys thanks for the replies

 

I don't think my friend knows if there's a rule against not dating .. I'll have her try to find out (somehow)

either way her internship there ends in June......... so the work thing shouldn't be a problem for too long, anyways..

[ElektraHere]

Fish

 

Don't worry so much over your friends choices. Worry about your own. Unless this "friend" is you? Then I woud suggest get the internship done and move on with your career.

[fishrrshortae]

Don't worry so much over your friends choices. Worry about your own. Unless this "friend" is you? Then I woud suggest get the internship done and move on with your career.

 

 

I'm not "worried" about it. I am trying to help a good friend of mine, and I thought this forum would be a good place to post. I was hoping for some input from unbiased 3rd parties. If it was me, I would have said so. Please refrain from assuming anything I have not written in my posts, as I would not do that to you or anyone else on the board.

[ElektraHere]

Thats fine to be a caring friend but remember it is her ultimate choice not yours. No one can change someone elses mind with their suggestions. She will do what she wants and no amount of advice you get from here will sway her either way.

 

As for the assuming I wasn't I just asked I didnt assume!

[fishrrshortae]

Actually, I think that people can very easily have their minds changed by suggestion. It happens all the time.

 

Either way, obviously her relationship with her coworker isn't my business. And ultimately it makes no difference to me whether or not they get together, per se. Thanks for the advice though. Good ideas, as always.