AFTER COOLING OFF & BREAK-UP, LIGE GOES ON…..

[cccube]

First, my girlfriend of six months told me she needed space.

To recap, she owns and manages her own bar and café. We have had threee major fights, all of which were caused by my jealousy towards her work.

As owner/manager, she meets different guys every night, from Monday to Sunday. At first, everything was like a bed of roses, things went smooth. Until one night in April I went to the bar and witnessed how she "entertained" her guests. She went from one table to another, sitting down with her guests.

Now, my point is she's the manager, not a mere hostess or guest relations officer (GRO) as we here in the Philippines call them. A GRO's job is to sit with guys, sing for them, make them buy them drinks and food from which they get a commission.

I told her to put some dignity to her work. She doesn't need to act like a GRO, right? AND ALL HER GUESTS AND ADMIRERS ARE MARRIED.

That night we fought, but made up the following day. I told her that if I didn't see how she "entertained" her guests, I wouldn't have gotten jealous. So I decided to limit my visits to her bar, or just go there when it's not too busy. And she assured me that she would never get involved with a guest.

Another month of smooth sailing went by. Until one night I decided to drop by. The place wasn't full, since it was a Thursday. We were so sweet with each other, and she even sang for me. I found out from her staff that the previous night, she sang a duet with one of her guests. Of course, I got upset. I confronted her, asked her why she had to stoop that low. She reasoned that it was her job, and I said it doesn't fit the job description of a manager/owner.

So we had our second major fight that night in May, and again, made up the following day. Again, she reassured me that it would be impossible for her to get involved with her guests.

The last Tuesday of June, I was on my way to her bar to see her. It was only 5pm, and her bar opens around 6pm. Guess what? On my way there she texts me and tells me that she already has a guest. I couldn't believe it! It's only 5pm and she already has a guest! Now, this guest (no, it's not the same guy she sang a duet with) is a regular, always goes there because he has the hots for one of her staff.

I got upset, reasoning out that it was supposed to be our time, since the bar opens at 6pm. She said she had to entertain her guest. I said, he's not your guest. It so happened that the girl to whom her guest has the hots for is on vacation. I told her it doesn't look good that all of a sudden she's the one entertaining this particular guest.

I told her what I told her before, to put some dignity in her work, that she's not a GRO but a manager and owner. I was so pissed off! She always blamed me for not understanding the nature of her job. I do, but given the circumstances I couldn't. I couldn't accept the fact that she acts more like a hostess/GRO and not as manager/owner, that she would sing for and with her guests. I told her she was selfish because she did not even consider my reasons to get jealous.

That was our third major fight, and Sunday that week, she told me that she needed space. So I gave in to her request.

The first few days were hard, because I truly loved her like I never loved anyone. I was hoping for a reconciliation. Our six months together were so intense. We were already renting a room, we even talked about living together before getting married, etc.

But you know what happened? After two weeks, she tells me she's happy already. I found out that she already has a boyfriend. And do you know who her boyfriend is? It's the same guest whom she sang a duet with. I couldn't believe it.

At first, I thought it would be hard to get over her. When she told me she had a boyfriend already, I thought my world came crashing down. But when I found out the same day that her boyfriend is a guest, all of a sudden, I lost my respect for her.

That same instant, my love for her just vanished. I lost respect for her because I realized what she has been telling me were all lies.

I don't believe that she truly loved me because it took her just two weeks to replace.

I don't believe that she wouldn't get involved her guests, because that's what exactly happened. She did get involved with a guest, and to make matters worse, THE GUY IS MARRIED!

After analyzing things, I realized we were not meant for each other. Sorry if I sound arrogant, but I think I don't deserve her, I think I deserve someone better. It's good that her true colors came out in the open, that she has no values and morals to begin with.

Such is life, and life goes on for me.

[notherenowhere]

cccube,

 

I totally agree with you. You don't sound arrogant at all because You indeed don't deserve her at all. What she did disgusts me and most likely some others as well. She was obviously cheating on you. She has no values or morals as you noted. She's helping that married guy cheat on his wife plus she was helping him commit adultery. She's not setting a very positive future for herself by doing these kinds of things. Her true colors came through as you said. Good thing you didn't stay with her then. Just move on and forget her if you can. If she wants you back, you shouldn't even consider it since you now know what kind of person she really is. Hope that helps you out a little.

[traeri]

Hi,

 

I'm looking for some advice...

I am nervous and scared because:

My boyfriend of 3 years just opened a bar. It hasn't even been a week yet, but he's been working ALL THE TIME. We have opposite schedules, I work early in the morning 'til 6PM and he works from 5PM 'til 3AM.

I don't have any reason not to trust him - YET. But I have fears in the back of my mind that he'll find something better or want something physical.

How should I deal with everything? This is so tough to be the bar owner's girlfriend. My friends say I should trust him wholeheartedly until he gives me a reason not to. That's fine, I understand that.

But, there's also the issue of never seeing him. I need to spend lots of time with him. Otherwise I'm afraid we'll drift apart.

Plus, he's schmoozing with all these high-ups.

Slutty girls will want him for his money...

Sorry, just unloading lots of uneasiness.

Anyone been through a similar situation and have any advice?