Its all coming down at once

[XxxMUAHxxX]

I'll start off with our ages.... I'm 17 and he's 21.. Not a big deal, right? Well it wasnt until tonight. We met at work about 4 months ago and sooner or later I got up enough nerve to ask him out, and luckily he said yes. We've been "official" for about a month and a half. He's the greatest guy I have ever been with in my life. He respects me, does whatever I need to be happy, wants me to be successful... you name it, he does it. He just treats me like a little angel. He never forces me to do anything sexual.. or even suggests it. He's just like.. my angel- and he has yet to make me think twice about our relationship.

 

Thing is, he's 21. My parents both seemed to like him until tonight. He and his friend went to the bar after work for ONE drink, and my mother happen to be there. What do you know, she's quite angry. All he did was go in, get something to eat, and had one drink with a friend. My mother went up to him and said "I thought you didnt drink". He explained that it was a once in a while thing, and that he was pritty much only there to eat. She just said "well... you better treat my daughter good..". That was the end of their conversation and he left. When I got home from work, my mother called and flipped out. She started saying he was too old, he was worthless, its time to get rid of him or she will. It made me break down..

 

My parents are separated and my father's opinion of him has not changed a bit. He says that everything will be ok, and that he didnt do anything wrong..

 

But what am I supposed to do? I cant just tell my mother to f off... she's still my mother. I just want her to understand that I really care about this person, and he never influences me to do ANYTHING wrong. He's done so much good for me in the past 1.5 months that you could almost call him a hero!! How am I supposed to react with my mother? I want to be as calm as possible and somehow make her understand...any ideas?

 

PS- I know all she is trying to do is do whats best for me... but I dont know how to show her that he is whats best??

[CarnelianButterfly]

All I can say is what was your mom doing there in the first place. It's not like he was sloshed, be calm and tell her how you feel. She needs to understand how you feel about him, don't let her anger get you worked up. Just stay cool and be the adult.

[Raven44]

Wow...I totally agree with CarnelianButterfly. Dont let what your mother said upset you. She doesnt know all of the details and she really has no right telling you to let him go because of one drink. Im sure she is just scared that he could somehow lead you on the "wrong path" but seriously...Life is a learning curve and if you feel that this guy is right for you right now..go for it! Follow what your heart says...and if you have to ignore your mom for a little bit then thats how it is....

 

If she keeps up or tries to interfere...sit her down, possibly with your bf as well, and discuss it with her; let her tell you what is going through her head and tell her the situation between you and your bf.

 

All in all...stay calm and dont make any rash decisions. If you care about your bf and he cares about you, this will be a very minor bump in the road.

 

Good luck and blessed be

[spunkykatt]

I have the exact same question...why was your mom in a bar to start with? Secondly isnt that giving him a double standard, I mean it wasnt like he was caught in a bar underage and drinking.. come on now. How can she be mad at him when she in fact was in the exact same place, probably doing the exact same thing. You know its kinda weird...If I was in a bar, and I saw my daughters bf come in, I would do my best to duck out unseen, let alone go up and confront him..I wonder what he thinks of your mom now? I wonder if she has even thought of how bad that looked on her, coming up to a guy eating having A beer and jumping his **** in a bar. Wonder who made a bad impression on the other patrons of that bar...yes, your right your mother. If she is going to go into grown up places, she should act grown up.

[miracle29]

First of all let me state two things. Your mother and your boyfriend are adults and if they want to go to a bar they can. So the "why was she or why was he there question in my opinion is irrelavent to the real fact of the matter! Because who says Moms can't go to a bar once in a while? No offense to the other posters who felt this way...but I don't think her being in the bar or him for that matter makes either one of them "guilty" of anything. She's a grown woman...if she wanted to go to the bar every week...she could. Being a Mother doesn't make you un-human or a person who now automatically can't ever go out and let off a little steam. If there is a rule on this..someone let me know...

 

Now on to your question:

 

If I was you...since you're mother seems so adiment about this...i'd find out if there was something more perhaps she saw. there may be more to this story..then meets the eye. I think she just loves you and doesnt want you dating someone who is in bars drinking and that whole scene. I don't blame her...although I think there was perhaps a better way to go about confronting him about it.

 

She should have layed back and watched him to see if he was really only having one drink..or if he was up to actual trouble. But she lost her cool and blew her own cover. that was my only issue with this.

 

But please listen to your mother. Sometimes "Momma" really does know best. Do you trust her and her judgment? If so..take her words to heart and think a bit and take things slow with him. Because she may be right. I know my mother was many times!

[Serendipity1607307077]

As you can appreciate, your mother is concerned about you and doesn't want you to get hurt.

 

When I met Luke, I was 17 and he was 21 as well. I was fortunate, because my Mum actually knew Luke through work. However, she was still concerned about me seeing him mainly due to the age. I know it's only four years, but 17 & 21 sounds worse than 20 & 24, know what I mean? It's a tricky subject.

 

Sit your Mum down and let her tell you how she is feeling, make it clear that you don't want your head blown off but that you understand her concerns.

Let her talk to you about it. Parents can get very anxious when their children start dating, they don't want their child to screw up their life.

[WildChild]

I'm almost wondering if her reaction has an underlying reason. That maybe this doesn't have anything to do with you and him, but herself. Maybe something (since your parents are separated) triggered her reaction because of something in her relationship(s). That was my gut thought.