Men and Women - friends or not

[running gal]

you know the argument about whether men and women can be friends

 

you've heard the reasons that you can be friends

if

a) one or the other is gay

b) neither of you fancy the others. ie. there is no attraction.

 

Now for arguments sake you become friends with a member of the opposite sex, but there is a definite attraction on your part. (maybe on their part too) but you find out that this person is married.

 

Is it possible for the two of you to remain friends, knowing there is an attraction between you or is it just not possible

[CarnelianButterfly]

I was very attracted to a guy who turned out to be married. He was a total sweetheart and to be honest I wasn't really shocked when I found out. We're still friends and talk all the time, he's still a great person to be around even if I can't date him.

[Scout]

Is it possible for the two of you to remain friends, knowing there is an attraction between you or is it just not possible

 

I think the real question here is, is it possible for two people who are attracted to each other to be platonic friends only without giving in to their tempation?

 

Well, anything is possible, I guess. But I think this kind of situation is just a recipe for disaster if one of the parties is married. I wouldn't even go there.

[Mrocza]

If both are content with being just friends and have no ulterior motives, yes.

[Slagar]

Two people of opposite sexes can be friends, of that I have no doubt.

However, two people of opposite sexes that are attracted to eachother? Maybe after the attraction has died off for whatever reason, but I don't think it is necessarily a good idea to pursue a "friendship" with a married person that you're attracted to. Why? The friendship would be a sham. However much you tell yourself that you're just friends, you're still interested in that person for the wrong reasons.

If you just see eachother casually because of a social group of some sort, sure that's fine... but getting to know that person exclusively, is IMHO a bad idea.

 

Best of luck

[novaseeker]

It's playing with fire, in my opinion. Friends are not generally attracted to each other like that ... think about it that way, and you'll see why it's not the wisest move emotionally.

[Shadow Diver]

I am the spouse of a husband that has a woman as a friend. When we go some where and are in a group she spends more time talking to him than I do. Even to the point of rubbing his back and saying that she is his other wife. When I say something to him he just says what do you want me to do? If I say that I'm going to tell her to keep her hands off he says that she loves me and that it would break her heart if I said something like that to her, but she never calls or e-mails me only him.

[Shadow Diver]

link removed[/i]]I am the spouse of a husband that has a woman as a friend. When we go some where and are in a group she spends more time talking to him than I do. Even to the point of rubbing his back and saying that she is his other wife. When I say something to him he just says what do you want me to do? If I say that I'm going to tell her to keep her hands off he says that she loves me and that it would break her heart if I said something like that to her, but she never calls or e-mails me only him.

Unless you are faithfull in small matters you won't be faithfull in large ones

Luke 16:10

[running gal]

Thank you for your replies so far.

 

It is what i expected all along, Avoidance is a bit difficult as our social paths do cross, so although i am attracted to him but don't want to be the other woman i reckon i should just remain my normal friendly self when we do meet

 

If i was to change my personality when he was around surely he would suspect something.

No i haven't told him, nor am i going to

[Derek]

I don't think men and women can be truly "friends" in the sense of sharing everything, emotionally bonding.

 

Sure you can have guy/girl aquaintainces that you can see a movie, move furniture, go golfing with.

 

But when you start to talk about your disappointments with your boyfriend/girlfriend with your friend and you start to talk about life's goals and really deep things. Emotionally you become attached. You have an "emotional affair" with a member of the opposite sex. And it can be a stepping stone to a physical affair but even the emotional part can be bad. Now your emotional connection needs are being met by someone other than your partner. So less "connection" time is being made with your partner and so you are slowly drifting apart... chipping away at the bonds you've had. Eventually it will completely break down. Interestingly an emotional connection can be more devastating than a physical one, especially for a woman. It's an affair of the heart, not just the body.

 

For men and women? friendships sure but close friends or best of friends is troublesome. Your partner should be your best and closest friend.

 

 

 

[Mrocza]

I 100% agree.

[friscodj]

Now for arguments sake you become friends with a member of the opposite sex, but there is a definite attraction on your part. (maybe on their part too) but you find out that this person is married.

 

Whenever there is romantic attraction, there can never be true friendship. You might be able to fake it or resist it for a while, or you could even become acquaintences, but as far as becoming friends...

 

...I say no way...

[Bethany]

link removed[/i]]I am the spouse of a husband that has a woman as a friend. When we go some where and are in a group she spends more time talking to him than I do. Even to the point of rubbing his back and saying that she is his other wife. When I say something to him he just says what do you want me to do? If I say that I'm going to tell her to keep her hands off he says that she loves me and that it would break her heart if I said something like that to her, but she never calls or e-mails me only him.

 

I would be uncomfortable with that happening in my relationship. And so should he. He should have rebuffed the touchy-feely thing as soon as she started it. I think she, if not both of them, are playing a game in which you are not included. He should be holding her at arms length not encouraging her to rub his back and you should keep reminding him of this.

[jurupa]

It is possible for females and males to be friends on any level, the only thing that has to be held up is bountries and be able to up hold them. Without them things will go down hill.

 

I think it is best when you know that your partner/lover/etc has friend(s) of the opposite sex to know how long the friendship has been going on for, how they met and what grounds the friendship is on.