He doesn't understand, do you?

[SLMitchell918]

My husband and I have had a rough few months. Things recently started getting better after our daughter Savannah Marie came into the world Jan. 18. For those who don't know what happened he had a emotional affair with a woman at work while I was pregnant and I was very upset but chose to forgive him.

 

The woman there put in a transfer when he kept ignoring her so she is working in another department and hasn't talked to her since our baby was born. So that isn't really the problem.

 

Our newborn has not figured out that nights are for sleeping. So yesterday morning, I told him to stay home and get some rest instead of going to work. When I went to work, he was at home and he watched some porn & I found out about it today.

 

I guess him watching it has always bothered me. Mainly because our sex life was never what I wanted it to be for awhile. The porn issue never bothered me when we did it together but that was in like the first year of being together.

 

Before I was pregnant he didn't seem all to interested. Not nearly as much as I. We haven't had sex since the first week in december. Well, I haven't receieved anything. He receieved oral ( sorry, just explaining lol) since I was pregnant and he didn't want to do anything else. It wasn't that I didn't want to, but he didn't.

 

Now its almost march and I've been willing for a week or more but when I saw where he ordered the porn, it hurts. After him talking to another girl, seeing that and me having a baby and not feeling "great" about my body right now, It honestly hurts.

 

I made a joke about it. I wasn't acting mad at hime at all but the first thing he said was " why you checking up on me?" when I honestly wasn't.

 

He doesn't understand why this would hurt. Am I overreacting? I wouldn't be so upset maybe if the other girl thing happened, but it use to bother me before.

 

I, for some reason, feel like its has something to do with me. If he doesn't find me attractive then why in the world is he with me??? I mean, come on, when you are attracted to someone, you want to have sex with them. I just don't feel like he feels that way, EVEN though he says he does. I'm at a loss.

[77streaks]

oh dear, hugs.

 

its common to feel bad when your partner has a porn thing and had an emotional affair, but it may not be you.

 

perhaps you guys cld consider going for marriage counselling?

 

is he stressed about somethings else?

are you having post natal blues? I'm not an expert, but i am wondering if there are other underlying issues.

 

Good Luck, and remember you are beautiful in every single way and always treat yourself well.

[SLMitchell918]

Thanks 77streaks. Im not unhappy at all. I've really been doing well. I was more unhappy during the pregnancy after finding out about the affair.

 

I dont understand why. Im for watching it with him and doing that stuff together. I dont understand why he would want to watch it when his wife is perfectly more than willing - all the time. It makes you wonder why and look towards yourself for the answer.

 

I tried to explain how I felt to him and he said he loved me regardless ( so does that mean he doesn't find me attractive???) and we will get freaky just be patient??????

 

It makes me feel like going on a starvation diet or something ( jking but serious lol).

[RayKay]

Hey sweetie,

 

 

Is it possible he is somewhat embarrassed about it? His view of you as a sexual being may have changed when you became "mother to his child". Not only can pregnancy change that view, but so can delivery. It's not terribly uncommon for this to happen.

 

He may not even know himself why he feels this way, and if he does, does not want to hurt your feelings either.

 

As for him not understanding your hurt....I am not sure about that. I certainly can! Maybe he does not see how you are still a sexual being, when he does not feel that way himself right now....

 

I really think you should not put off counselling much longer hon...I know you have delayed it before, but I really think it's important you manage to get into it somehow together.

 

I think working on your own body confidence may help a lot right now too so that you do not take his lack of interest as a reflection on YOU - start working out for YOU. There are a lot of "mommy & baby" kind of classes - baby yoga, stroller walking, and so forth out there too to make it a social thing as well as a child bonding thing. Or make it "you time" and go on your own while he watches baby for a bit.