BREAK DOWN after discovering "new girlfriend"

[Hunny1607307342]

Okay, I don't know how many people know about my story, but I was with a guy at college for quite a few months, although nothing was ever official, he told my friend he was going to surprise me for Valentines Day etc. etc. it was really amazing I thought. Then we had this "what his this" talk, and he was going round in circles telling me how special and amazing I am, but that he can't have a full on relationship at the moment (after being hurt last time). He suggested an open relationship, but then next day he told me that all this isnt fair on me and that we work better as "just friends".

 

I have to see this guy everyday, be in a room with him every morning for about half an hour, and also having him flirt with me with no strings attached.

 

I was getting through my break up, slowly, but I thought I was UNTIL.... my friend told me that he bumped in the guy, COMING BACK FROM HIS GIRLFRIEND'S PLACE. I was like what?! What girlfriend?! GIRLFRIEND?! Everything is now 10 times worse and I keep thinking SINCE WHEN HAS HE HAD THIS GIRLFRIEND!? Since he was seeing me?! Afterwards? What is she like... Help me please I'm so crushed beyong words! xxx

Plus if you can tell me the likely hood of SINCE WHEN has he had her then I'd like to know thanks

[octopus]

sounds like an A'hole to begin with.

Don't waste your time. Find someone more mature who'll treat you the way you deserve to be treated.

[RayKay]

Aw Hunny, I am so sorry you found this out - I know it hurts.

 

I really could not tell you how long he has been with her, or even if the information from your friend is correct...but I can say that this was likely to happen eventually as you both move on.

 

At least he did put an end to the "open relationship" and did not lead you on past that bit of dilly-dallying he was doing.

 

It will hurt, but it can also help you by not having that "hope" anymore that holds you back. I suggest maybe you make it clear you are not interested in the flirting anymore, by distancing yourself from him as well.

 

You are better off having someone whom can give you a "full relationship" and is less wishy washy about it.

[arwen]

Hunny, I think no one can really give you answers here. Maybe it wasn't his girlfriend. Fact remains that he and you are not together, and you should really try to focus on your own life. From what I have been reading, it appears that he was never really committed in the first place. Try to stay away from any information about him. I know college can be a very small place after a break up, and words spread easily.

 

I heard my longterm ex was with a new gf from someone who we both know. It was totally unexpected and I have felt very weird. It was the girl he was 'friends' with when we were going on and off in the relationship. Go figure. I was lucky that I heard over a year after we broke up. I am not in contact with him anymore. It's not worth it.

 

It will get better, hun, really. Is it possible to maybe take a few days off and go to your parents? Just to be away for a while?

 

Ilse

[Echo]

First of all...what you heard was "hear say". I say don't believe ANYthing you hear..and only half of what you see.

 

Second..is the fact that he STILL doesn't want a "relationship" with you. It hurts..but he was honest at least.

 

Try to ignore what HE is doing or not doing. You will get through this much faster!!!

[Hunny1607307342]

Hey guys thank you so much for your support!!!!

 

It's just we only broke it off a couple of weeks ago... so I don't get how he can find someone so soon, and after telling me he doesn't even want a serious relationship, so why is he going around calling this girl his girlfriend? I know 100% this was a girlfriend because it came out of his own mouth apparently.

 

But all this time I've been so innocent and naive, and agreed to be friends with him, putting up with his flirty attitude only because I had no reason to be angry at him. He's been so sweet to me in how he explains things, I can't just suddenly be off with him. But I'm looking for a reason to be off with him...In his eyes, do you think I have a right to be angry at him after he realises I found out about his girlfriend? I'm planning on asking him how long he's been seeing her for, because if it was while our "thing" was happening, then I can call him a liar, and BE ANGRY AT HIM TO HIS FACE for once! Finally prove to him I'm not a naive innocent girl... It will make me feel more satisfied... What do you think?

[Echo]

I don't think showing him you're "angry" is going to make a difference honestly. He will still simply see you as being hung up on him.

 

The BEST thing you can do..is IGNORE him. If he talks to you, be polite but short. You don't really owe him more than that...if he ASKS what's wrong then you can tell him..otherwise I wouldn;t waste my breath.

[RayKay]

I don't think you will feel "satisfied". I don't think he will react to that how you hope he may - how would you feel if all he did was remind you that he was free to do what he wanted and shrugged it off?

 

I say you ignore him and carry on...the best revenge is living well.

[Hunny1607307342]

Thank u Echo & RayKay!... I will be living it up infront of him and having a good time, but if I ignore him wont it look like im bothered about his new girlfriend.. and thereforeeee that I am mad at him? I dont know, I think I'll just be polite like you said and try and say not much else... but I dont kind of want to know if I was someone he cheated on with... see... it's a right that I have... OKay okay how about "Hey?! how was your half term blablabla oh I met up with matt blabla oh yeah and sam said he saw you just the day before coming back from your girlfriends - since when did you have a girlfriend you dark horse?!"

 

Can I say that?

[Hunny1607307342]

thanks keenan yeah its the freak who prounces on me with hugs haha... my God I just keep asking myself all these questions like where did she come in... was it before or after he told me THIS or THAT...and it kills me because he had exams for the first few weeks, and I remember him he kept on reassuring me to WAIT WAIT for his exams to finish and THEN it we could make official, he kept telling me to wait JUST A COUPLE OF WEEKS - I did witness his crazy amounts of studying so I knew he wasn't lying... and I just think, so where did she come? Would things have been different if he didn't have those stupid exams? Because we would already be official right? Dont worry I'm not expecting you to answer all of these questions, I'm just expressing my thoughts for the sake of it!

Thanks for advice x x

[keenan]

i feel you. i'd be right there, too. hug.

[OceanEyes]

Consider yourself "the lucky one" in this situation, although it's not a nice situation to be in. He's obviously an underhanded, selfish person to begin with, his girlfriend has to live with him and his cheating ways, and for these reasons, I'd say that you're "the lucky one".

 

Letting go of a jerk like this should be a relief!

[maya1002]

i say rise above it. by getting angry at him, you'll evoke a response you don't want. you are too good to stoop to his level.

[healinginnyc81]

Hunny, I'm sure you are very hurt and angry right now. I hope you can take time to yourself to heal instead of confronting your ex.

 

I go to the same college as my ex. she started talking to her new bf while she was with me but she swore to me that she was just being nice because he didn't have a lot of friends. For a month after she broke up with me she swore that she didn't leave for another guy and that she wanted to be alone. Well, I saw them together and I got angry and gave her a piece of my mind - I called her a liar and a cheat and I told her I never want to see her again. She just smiled and she told me that this guy makes her happy. Then she told me I was being too intense. I couldn't believe it, she didn't even feel bad about lying to me. It did not make me feel any better. I looked like a fool and wondered how she could not feel guilty at all and how she could blame me for being angry.

 

I still see them all the time together and it hurts, I have a couple of classes with her too, but it gets less painful every time. Try to just cut him out of your life completely and find things to do with friends and by yourself to help get your mind off him. I hope you feel better soon.

[Hunny1607307342]

Thanks guys! And bkjsun, thanks for sharing the story...made me think a little. I won't be shouting at him. I'll keep my pride, but I might be dropping in a little light-hearted comment mid-conversation in order to find out how long he's been seeing her, whether it clashed with us... I just NEED to make sense of the past few months of my life. That's what it is...I need to know what I've been living. THEN I will move on.

[arwen]

I think that it can help you to KNOW, yes. I told you about the ex, right?

 

When I finally found out he was with that girl, and knew the when and how, I soon got peace with it. I think subconsciously, uptil that point, I was still wondering if he and I would still get back together, even though I had decided to never let him back in my life a year before that.

 

If this is what you need for closure, talk to him, and ignore him from that moment on.

 

Ilse