Compliments and Relationships

[Solange]

I'm curious to get some opinions here. Anyone feel free to reply!!

 

What are your opinions on compliments, in relationships. Specifically when your partner is always showering you with compliments. Constant praise.

 

Also, do you think that people really change THAT much in relationships? Like for instance, at first being sort of closed-off and distant in the beginning to being overly affectionate and borderline clingy, say, a few years later? What causes this?

 

I'm primarily interested in knowing what others would think if their boyfriend/ girlfriend was constantly complimenting and praising them. Not at all a complaint, but a conversation I had with girlfriends last week ...

[RayKay]

Really depends on how genuine they are...

 

There is such a thing as too many compliments - when they feel artifical, contrived, generic.....undeserved.

 

But when they mean it, and it's "personal" I see nothing wrong with a few compliments! They definitely need to feel real and heartfelt though...

 

I WOULD be concerned if they tended to try and put me on a pedestal though (long way down, and easy to fall off!)

 

Is it possible to change that much...sure, especially if they lose their sense of self and individuality, where they become dependent on you to excess.

[the yang to the worlds yin]

i know i surely compliment my companion too much.. actually i compliment everyone too much. people need to hear whats great about them though, they deserve to hear it from their friends and family, and on a regular basis. true, sometimes it comes out a bit phony sounding, but if thats the price to pay for people knowing their appreciated, then why not?

[Solange]

Oh I agree about the compliments, and that more of us should tell those we care about that we love them, WHAT we love about them, etc.

 

I guess I just wonder how genuine it can be to compliment someone constantly. Could it really be?

 

I think pedestals are great. I really want to be in the type of relationship where we both place each other on one.

 

The deal is this: A girlfriend of mine is in a relationship with a guy who was a bit of a jerk for the first while they were dating. He was rude, distant, and pretty immature. Now, there is absolutely nothing that he won't do for her, he's constantly showering her with compliments and praise, wants to be with her 24/7, etc.

 

I just wonder how people change so much in relationships, and what inspires those changes.

[RayKay]

I think pedestals are great. I really want to be in the type of relationship where we both place each other on one.

To me not being on a pedestal does not mean there is not the respect, admiration, partnership, love...what it does mean though is I see so many couples whom worship the ground their partner walks on to a fault.

 

They lose themself, or they become blind to issues...ignoring them even when their partner is trying to communicate them. And when there is a conflict, it comes crashing down....people whom put people on pedestals tend to believe in the "honeymoon" lasting forever, and don't stick around for the work and the real love that follows.

 

I prefer a relationship where we recognize one anothers shortcomings too, and work with them. Where we are equals in the real world, where real life won't so easily knock us down.Where we respect and love and laugh and cry together. That to me is what "not being on a pedestal" means at least.

[Solange]

^ LOL ... I agree about the whole "worship" aspect. I didn't really look at it that way to be honest, but in a much gentler/ less stalkerish way.

[RayKay]

That makes more sense then....

 

As for your friend's partner...whom knows what the turnaround is about. Maybe he really fell for her, maybe it's guilt...maybe he was being distant before as he was trying not to fall too fast....could be many things!