No Future

[TheHighwayMan]

Last night, (just in time, no ?) my "girlfriend" said that she doesn't love me and our relationship has no future.

 

I've lived in many differenct corners of the world, but she is the one girl that I have truly cared for. Noone else, not even anywhere near close. I mean I loved everything about her, too many things to mention right now. She seemed perfect to me, the only person I could possibly be with. When we got into the relationship, to be honest even then it was obvious that chances were it wouldn't work out. It's because she is such an extremely busy person, and it's like she wants to do everything before she leaves to study abroad in the summer . She pretty much never has time for me...and yet, in the short time we do get together, we spend it wonderfuly...which I thought really meant something.

 

So last night, after almost 2 weeks had gone by since we last saw each other...we talked about these things...and the situation become clear. Once again I told her how much I liked her and how I was willing to wait for her if the feeling was mutual, to which she replied that it was not. She said that she likes me, but to a certain degree...nothing she would consider "serious". And once and for all she made it clear that whatever we have will end in a few months, because she is leaving and I can't follow.

 

I could tell it was hard for her to tell me these things...but I guess it was for the best that she said the truth. She proposed we continue doing what we had, see each other in the rare occasions that she has time, and just have as much fun as we can have for the remainder of our time together...to which I agreed. Yeah, I know, big mistake will say most...but I don't know. I guess I just want to make the most out of this, cause I seriously don't see myself being with anyone else. She was like the one and only exception it seems.

 

But it's true what they say - it hurts. BAD. I mean I've been in some nasty physical pain before...but never like this. And combined with all my other problems, and to top it off today is Valentines.....I feel like I've hit rockbottom.

 

Sorry for the whining, but I just had to type this out somewhere.

 

 

[Blue In Texas]

Highwayman. I really feel for you. The day after is pretty rough, especially when it's vday. Don' apologize; hang in there and keep posting.

[Mrocza]

That really sucks

 

But you know, atleast she was honest about her feelings and didn't let it drag on to hurt you.

 

Time heals all.

(My Best Friend's Wedding) : "This too, shall pass"

[valenski]

Hey,

Highwayman thats a real sad post but look at it like this, she repects you enough give it to you straight up, yeah its hurts like hell but its better than being led on. She still wants to spend time with you so maybe there's a chance she still thinks of you, she might have told you this thinking its unfair for you wait around for a girl that cant give you the attention you deserve. If your going to wait on this girl just consider what you might be forfeiting and that things can change, give it some thought first man and keep posting sometimes it helps to just talk it out.

 

Good luck man.

[dishrag]

Hearing those words hurts right to the core, my friend. I know how that feels. I think you're doing the mature thing and remaining on good terms. My advice to you is to bite your lip the moment you think you're going to break down with sadness, anger or anything else. Don't press her for details, she needs to not feel smothered. She may reveal to you what's going on and it might be something that's not quite so bad and you two might be able to work through it. Keep us posted.

[shamus]

My heart goes out to you.

but at least this lady was straightforward and honest with you about things.

the fact that she is moving is the major concern.

I can see how she'd want to back off, it seems you both do care, and it's easier now to break things than continue down towards an eventual separation-at which time both your feelings would be deeper and more difficult to let go. on the flip side, you could've hung out enjoyed what time you have left.

there is never an easy answer, but at least things were left amicably, so who knows?

i know it's a tough day, a lot of us are hurting

[TheHighwayMan]

Thanks for the support guys.

 

Unfortunately, I've got some bad news. The relationship came to a pretty nasty end today.

 

We talked on the phone, and she informed me that once again she was leaving for a week somewhere. That, to be honest, was a bit too much for me to take. I've been patient long enough, but this was just crossing the line. I told her that I really didn't see any point in trying to continue any sort of relationship, because the way things stand I'd be lucky to see her 2 times a month (if not less). She pretty much agreed and then proposed that we remain friends, to which I told her that I really didn't want to continue anything with her for the time being (I was (and still am obviously) really hurting at that point. And then she said something that really annoyed me. She said that although she had fun with me, I "looked a bit too serious or unhappy" whenever she saw me. Which is so damn wrong. Ok, I admit, I'm a person who on first glance doesn't seem to be bursting with positive energy, but especially when I was with her I tried to be the complete opposite of what she accused me of...and I was pretty confident that I was succeeding. But I guess not, eh ? I don't know...I really tried my best. I really did.

 

I then told her that if she ever was in some big trouble, I would be the first person to help her, but we should end any other communication. We said goodbye and that was that.

 

So now that it is officialy over and all hope is lost...I don't know what to think. I mean yeah, it hurts majorly, but atleast now the guessing game is over, which is a bit of a relief. Like many others...at the moment I really don't know how I am going to get over this...but I've got no option but to try, eh ?

 

Listening to my favourite song (Guns N Roses - Sympathy for the Devil) is alteast getting me through the current moments...so that's good.

[dishrag]

It sounds like you believe you are better off. Not coming home to someone like her would be a relief. I'm sorry it didn't work out. But, you do sound like you're taking it well. I was that way at first as well. Now, I'm grieving pretty bad. But, I wish you luck.

[whatchamacallit]

Highway,

I grieve with you. I feel your pain, as so many of us do. I am in a similar situation where I am confronted with losing someone I love so dearly, but due to difficult outside circumstances can't have. I have put alot of time, energy, and money into this relationship. The problem is me, though. He wants a committment from me that I can't give without suffering great consequences like losing the respect of my grown children, actually my whole family. There's pain no matter which way you look at it. Pain with the person, pain without the person. Just have to figure out which pain you can live with.

[shamus]

whatcha...i agree completely. similar situation as you. i love my ex dearly but theres so much bs. i wish i could forget her and move on, like she did with me, but it hurts too much. I feel spent emotionally, physically, and spiritually. thank god for this site, it helps me to know i'm not alone

[whatchamacallit]

shamus, it's just a very sad situation isn't it? Kinda like a Romeo and Juliet scenario when you love someone so very very much, but can't have them for whatever reason. Or, if you did, there are too many consequences. I cry everyday.

[shamus]

yeah I'm hurting too...

my ex ended it after we got back together, she said i seemed distant. if i gave her space, i was distant, if i didnt i was clingy. before we got back together, we fought all the time. in the few weeks we were back, we still fought, but i was much calmer, she even called me once and said why am i not cursing her out? i told her i dont want to fight, so i'd back off and let her cool. there were a few moments where i did fight back and got angry, but immediately apoligized and tried to work it out. sometimes it cant be fixed

she didnt want to spend vday with me, and that hurt a lot

she wants to move on, and that's her choice. i dont like it

 

i cry everyday too. it hurts loving someone so much. but i love her so much that i am letting her go. its the only way, as painful as it is

[whatchamacallit]

Shamus, Sometimes when there's alot of frustration in the relationship, there's alot of fighting that comes along with it. It does hurt to love someone so much and to realize at the same time it's an unhealthy relationship. Sometimes it hits me hard that I risk losing the man I love forever because he wants what I can't give him. He wants forever with me. It hurts to the core. I would feel so alone without him, his phone calls, his presense. But, I am facing that. You have a good attitude about loving her so much you let her go. It's hard to do and accept. A part of you wants to pull the other back. I feel for you.

[TheHighwayMan]

Yeah, the frustration is just too much at times.

 

I'm not sure how I'm doing right now. There are parts throughout the day when I try to convince myself that it's not that bad and I can get through this...but then a new wave of mysery hits me and I just stop functioning. Moment by moment is how I'm trying to go on.

 

There is something that is a major setback though - I can't do the popular No-Concact thing. I mean yes, I'm done calling her and have deleted her from any chat programs...but every Monday night we have an acting class together, and at this stage there is no possible way to get out of this. I can't begin to describe just how much that is going to suck. On one hand I'm angry at how things ended up and I just can't deal with seeing/talking to her, yet at the same time I'm not the kind of person who plays the ignoring game. Now I'm starting to imagine all the things I want to say, try and find some way to fix this between us...and yet I know very well that she's not interested in this continuing and I'll just end up looking like a desperate idiot. And in the same time, if we just engage in the formal "Hi, how are you?" talk, and at the end leave like strangers that barely know each other, it is going to be even more frustrating to me. There really is no way out of this...no matter what happens, whatever I do or say (or don't)...every Monday night I'm in for one hell of an emotional * * *-kicking.

 

I was never much of a sleeper...but now I rarely sleep at all. It's cause for me when I try to go to sleep all defences I've build up during the day suddenly disapear, and all I'm left with are these thoughts that I can't get rid of. It's a nightmare. And I don't know what to do about anything.

[whatchamacallit]

Highway Man,

 

I know what you mean by seeing them. It hurts enough without having to see the person on a regular basis. Well, just think about this! I met my guy at work and WORK with him! I know this is a big no-no, but too late now. My only saving grace is that he now works shift work and I only see him at work 5 days out of the month. But, in April, I will see him EVERYDAY! He will be back on dayshift. You're right...this sucks. And, it's hard to play the ignoring game. It's hard when you're trying to dissolve the love relationship and see that person on a day to day basis. When we see each other at work, that just makes the feelings flow and we want each other all over again. I wish I or he could change jobs, but looks like that won't happen for I don't know how long. It hurts to see them and not be able to have them like you would want. I KNOW!!! I don't know what the solution is for you...or for me.

[TheHighwayMan]

Final update on the situation :

 

Yep, Monday went just like I thought, only worse. After the class we spent probably an hour talking about the situation and at the end it was just completely obvious that it will not work.

 

She says that she likes me and that she does realize that I have done everything that I possibly could for us (and she is damn right)...but she truly does not love me or have any deep feelings for me. She said that the problem isn't me...that she finds me attractive, has fun with me, etc,....yet she can't describe why, but she just does not love me. Which is so ironic really, as I like her so damn much, more than anyone I've ever liked or probably will like...and I'm in the same situation - I can't describe how or why I feel this way, I just do.

 

But if that wasn't enough, she pretty much pulled the trigger and shot me dead on the floor when she said that she also has "feelings" for another guy. Nothing serious she assured me, and nothing would happen between them, but she "liked" him the same way she "likes" me.

 

Then she proposed again that we remain friends etc etc, but as you can imagine, I was quite pissed off at that point. So I acted quite negitevely, I must admit. I mean here I was, telling her how much she means to me, giving her everything I can give her...and this is what I get in return. I'm not angry at her exactly, more at the situation and how things turned out. I did my best, and it just wasn't enough. So at the end we agreed to stop having contact for awhile (everything I have of hers, phone, e-mail, cards, w/e is going bye-bye, no questions asked) and said goodnight.

 

I don't know what to do anymore. With her it's over, that's for sure...but right now I'm just very confused, tired and sad. I'll write more later, as it really does help a bit. Again, thanks to anyone who reads/replies to my ramblings.

[dishrag]

Highwayman - just checking on you. Hope you are staying busy. Hope you are healing!

[whatif]

I tell you Highwayman, that's when most girls say they don't feel the same anymore. It has to be the feelings for this guy that caused her to feel the way she does to you. My girl friend did the same to me and we took a break, and after two months, she started going out with this new guy.

 

Don't let her make you wait around buddy. The friendship crap is just a support for them and to feel less guilty.

[ggoman]

I feel for you Highwayman. I went through something sort of similar at the beginning of December. My ex dumped me and within a week or so (if not before) was already with someone else. She then (unprovoked) sent me an email a few weeks later saying that this guy has made her happier than she's ever been before, etc., etc. I got an emotional * * *-kicking like I've never experienced before. Couldn't sleep, couldn't eat... felt like I would never get any better and that eventually I would just be forced to kill myself. BUT... after about 3 months I can honestly say that I'm pretty much fine. It really IS true what they say -- time does heal, but there is no quick fix. Just hang in there. Try to stay busy, and if there is any feasible way, get out of that acting class as soon as you can. No contact

really is the way to go. Good luck.

[TheHighwayMan]

The thing that sucks is that it's too late...we're doing a small play and I have one of the main roles ("Midsummer's Night Dream", I play Oberon, who has the power to make people fall in love....the irony, eh ?), we've been preparing for it for a long time...too many people depend on me and I can't quit.

 

Unfortunately, there's more. Now that the premiere is just a bit more than a month away, we're starting to see each other more and more for rehersals and everything. The last couple of days for example I've seen her here and there in different parts of the day. This hurts more than I thought it would (and I knew it'd be pretty bad). She seems like she doesn't have a care in the world......while I can't stop thinking about her. Whatever I do, wherever I go....I can't get her out of my mind. 24/7 I'm in a state of anger, frustration and sadness. It takes a lot of mental energy just to get through each moment.

 

But I have hope that eventually things will get easier, as I do hear a lot that time heals things....I just want it to happen sooner because I hate feeling like this

[TheHighwayMan]

hey, another little update on myself

 

I'm happy to report things are going well. I've really dug deep and found the will in me to get me through this. I won't let this crush me, I won't let it bring me down. I just refuse to do so.

 

Seeing her is still hard, I won't lie...but again - no choice. I just have to keep my composure and carry on. I don't know how long this new-found "strength" of mine will last...but I'm just happy that now I know that I have something in me to help me.

 

So yeah...to anyone who's been in the same waters as me - keep on fightin' and it is possible to get through these hard times.