blender Posted February 13, 2006 Share Posted February 13, 2006 post deleted, wrong thread Link to comment
ocrob Posted February 13, 2006 Share Posted February 13, 2006 That is really hard. I am sure that if you contact him, then you will open yourself up to pain. But, I don't see him contacting you unless he really wants to talk. I am torn because if he really wants you back, he would or should go to more effort. He may feel guilty and is trying to not come on too strong since he was the one to break it off. If you can handle talking one more time, then call him and see what he wants. If it will make you spiral down hill, then don't. If you do contact him and he just needs support, then tell him you are not up for that and are moving on. Good luck. Link to comment
blender Posted February 13, 2006 Author Share Posted February 13, 2006 post deleted, wrong thread. Link to comment
cingularity83 Posted February 13, 2006 Share Posted February 13, 2006 Damn 8 months is quite a little bit of time.....the only advice I can offer you is to truthfully listen to yourself....to hell with that.., listen to your brain and not your heart. If you listen with your heart and things don't happen the way you expect them to you might end up hurt again...if you still have romantic feelings for him...( and from your posts, I think you do ) then reply to him and at least let him know that you can't really talk to him right now as you are concentrating on yourself, but there is a possibility that you will be able to talk to him in the future...I'm sure he'll understand your reasons if he really cares about you... Link to comment
blender Posted February 13, 2006 Author Share Posted February 13, 2006 post deleted, friend's story..asked to delete, her ex is on here now Link to comment
NR498E Posted February 13, 2006 Share Posted February 13, 2006 I think he could want a number of diffrent things.However until you contact him its all just speculation.If I where him I wouldnt say "I miss you" or anything like that either.He doesnt know what youve been up to and he doesnt want to look like a jerk. I say call him,ask him what he wants to talk about.You can usually tell what is on a persons mind just by the tone of their voice. Im sure he's leaving these emails short to make you curious.Thats what I would do. If you do contact him make it seem like this is no big deal to you and youve been sooooo busy you havent had time to get back to him. Link to comment
blender Posted February 13, 2006 Author Share Posted February 13, 2006 post deleted, wrong thread, friend's story.. Link to comment
NR498E Posted February 14, 2006 Share Posted February 14, 2006 I agree 100% that any man who has dumped you should have the courage to pick up the phone and call you.The way he dumped you was cowardly by the way.I think that when people say they need time away they are just dodging the real issues.I think any man or woman with integrity will be straight forward and about the problem or problems not hide behind the "I need time"excuse.Thats second to only "Its you not you its me".But not all people are as great as us.So anyway.. The reason he is using the email (in my opinion)is because he is simply scared to call you.He doesnt know how you will react and he is afraid of what you might say.I thereforeeee think you must call him.You must take the higher more mature road and not do this bogus email thing.To me thats the same as passing notes in middle school.I don't think that there is anyone out there that can understand why your apprehensive about calling him more than me.I know your risking a serious set back by contacting him.But I wouldnt want to go through life wondering "what if?". If you don't your going to wonder about this for the rest of your life and you may regret not having the courage that he obviously lacks.I once heard that when we get old and gray,and we know that death is right around the corner that the things we will regret most are the things we didnt do. Goodluck with whatever you decide.Let us know what happens. Link to comment
blender Posted February 14, 2006 Author Share Posted February 14, 2006 post deleted, wrong thread, friend's story Link to comment
NR498E Posted February 14, 2006 Share Posted February 14, 2006 It makes perfect sense that your afraid if being "further hurt".Like I said I know exactly how you felt after he left and how you feel now.(read my old posts) If your too afraid to call then do something.You said yourself you dont want to "wonder".It would be great if he'd show up at your door and declare is love for you.It has been 8 months he probably thinks you have moved on, or have a boyfriend, or hate his guts. This could either be the start of something great or the proverbial nail in the coffin.So do something,dont let it eat you up inside.And please let us know what happens. Link to comment
blender Posted February 14, 2006 Author Share Posted February 14, 2006 deleted, friend's story, asked to delete Link to comment
blender Posted February 14, 2006 Author Share Posted February 14, 2006 same as above..delete for friend Link to comment
NR498E Posted February 14, 2006 Share Posted February 14, 2006 Well if your not going to contact him then all we can do is hope he shows up one day.I unfortunately don't think that is going to happen.I really think you need to find the courage in yourself to contact him.You never know what might happen.I think your making a big mistake by not doing anything. Im telling you he's just scared and thats why he sent those emails.Put yourself in his shoes how would you feel?If he just wants to be friends then you can officaly let go and move on.If he wants more then weve got a whole new situation. I'm telling you to get a hold of this guy one way or another.It makes me cringe to think you could go through life wondering. Link to comment
malibuanpine Posted February 14, 2006 Share Posted February 14, 2006 Don't call. I am going through this exact...I mean identical thing. He lured me into believing his sad story when he came back...then he went back to needing his space, and pushing me away...then he would come back and make me feel sorry for him. At all times...four to five months would pass before he reinitiated contact in some way, and then I would call thinking he's really sorry this time, and he would say he would call me then not call me for like four or five months. I agree...if he wants you he will pick up the phone himself and call you tell you what's on his mind. It's cruel to make someone wait around for a phone call. Keep up your no contact. I don't think your heart will be able to stand it again if he disappoints you again. Remember actions do speak louder than words. Link to comment
NR498E Posted February 14, 2006 Share Posted February 14, 2006 Malibuanpine,That sucks!That really sucks, but that doesnt happen everytime.You never know what might happen.Maybe he will turn out to be a total jerk.Thats the risk you have to take. Link to comment
blender Posted February 15, 2006 Author Share Posted February 15, 2006 same as above, friends story, asked to delete it Link to comment
NR498E Posted February 15, 2006 Share Posted February 15, 2006 aagrhh...Im sorry to read that.Happy Valentines Day and I hope you feel better soon. Link to comment
blender Posted February 15, 2006 Author Share Posted February 15, 2006 friends story, asked me to delete.. respectfully I have Link to comment
malibuanpine Posted February 15, 2006 Share Posted February 15, 2006 When a man loves a woman or really cares about her he will show it, but at the very least he would not want to see her hurt. Blender, I wouldn't put too much weight on his not sending you anything for Valentine's Day since you haven't responded to him. To tell you the truth I would have been insulted if he sent anything on Valentine's Day...just like that as if nothing had ever happened. I think he is trying to ease his guilt big time. But I'll tell you something blender...your no contact will force his hand eventually. He will realize that he has to do something bigger to get your attention. Like you he is also wondering big time...What if? Let him stew in it, and let it eat him. Eventually, he will not be able to take it anymore, and will do something to see you. I think he will do an in person surprise thing. How do I know this? Well before this last relationship I was the dumper. Now, I wasn't your average grinch dumper...I dumped because he had hurt me very deeply and I felt used....so I dumped him in a big way. For the first three months I was fine, and felt I did the right thing. By the end of the third month I started to feel guilty and remorseful, and I started to hurt. During this time he never called, email, nothing. My actions started to eat away at me. I then emailed him to get a response. He didn't respond. All I wanted to say was I was sorry (although I was justified in dumping him, I wanted to say I was sorry for the way I did it which was very hurtful but that's a different story). Anyhow, he never responded and I couldn't tell one way or the other how or what he was thinking so I realized I had to up the ante. I had to get his attention, and get it off my chest. So what did I do? I caught him completely off guard in the parking lot where he worked and spilled my guts. I asked him if he got my email...he said yes, but felt there was nothing to say. I was crushed. And to top it all of I even tried to see if he still had feelings for me...missed me...and wanted me back. He said basically no, but the whole time he was saying this his hands were trembling. Anyway, he put up a good front of not wanting me back, but he ended up walking me back to work, and then we started communicating again (although we subsequently broke up again a few months later because his original issues arose once again). So blender...I say all that to say...I think it's his guilt. Let it kill him until his hand is forced and has to get your attention. Always be on your guard and prepared for anything jumping out at you like a jack in the box. Just be cool. I'll post again later on my most recent ex...and more on how that situation is so like yours. Link to comment
blender Posted February 15, 2006 Author Share Posted February 15, 2006 friend's story, asked me to delete.. respectfully Link to comment
JC3 Posted February 21, 2006 Share Posted February 21, 2006 i'm not defending him but I lost my jobs several months ago and have no job and feel like a low life and very depressed and down. I pushed someone away who I really liked but just didn't feel that I was worthy of him. Through the grace of god and the kindness of strangers, I got the shake that I need to get back to reality. When you are depressed you don't see things clearly. I think he is reaching out to you now and that you should open your heart to hear what he has to say. It is the ONLY way that you will ever know. You are strong enough to handle what he has to say because you've survived the breakup with him and have gone forward in life. You are looking for some kind of reassurance in his words but maybe what you need is closure that you need to hear him tell you that he screwed up and that he had a cloudy mind and couldn't see straight. Life is hard and never happens how we want it to happen but if there a piece of your heart that still loves him then you owe it to yourself to trust in yourself that you can handle it and to hear what he has to say. Link to comment
blender Posted February 21, 2006 Author Share Posted February 21, 2006 friend's story, asked me to delete, respectfully I have Link to comment
redhook Posted February 21, 2006 Share Posted February 21, 2006 As a man, all I can say is wow! If I knew someone felt this way about me I would want to know it. When I have acted this way towards a women it means I am to scared to call because of what she might say or do. He left eight months ago and knows how badly he hurt you and thereforeeee is to scared because he doesn't know if you want him to fight for you or not. I would strongly encourage you to muster the courage to call him and see what he wants. Let him know that if he wants you he should have been fighting for you. That would get me going if I were him. You bet your * * * * that if I wanted you I would get things going after being given a clear signal. I tell you what if my ex contacted me today and said I need you to fight for me, prove you love me I would. I would be sending her flowers as we speak now and doing whatever I could, but only after I get the go ahead. As a man I need CLEAR cut signals. It is the only way I am able to understand someone else's intent. What is the worst thing that could happen? He says he is sorry and doesn't want to try anything more? At least you get your closure and thus can start healing because obviously with the question in the air you cannot heal. Let him know you want a man to fight for you. Take a chance. You have nothing to lose here. You will gain one of two things here 1) Closure or 2)Or the chance at love again and that to me is worth the risk Link to comment
blender Posted February 21, 2006 Author Share Posted February 21, 2006 friends' story, asked me to delete Link to comment
queenofvalidation Posted February 21, 2006 Share Posted February 21, 2006 Hey there, I think you will live to regret not contacting him. He obviously is reaching out to you for a good reason. He may keep trying, but after 3 attempts most guys give up. I say forgive him and p-up the **** phone. Face your fear and it will disappear! *~!qov!~* Link to comment
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