Guy younger than the girl?

[Tolaria]

I'm curious as how you people look at relationships where the guy is about five years younger than the girl. Currently I'm together with this girl who's 25 and I myself am 20. She mentioned the age gap several times and does see it generally as a hinderance for our relationship to take the next step so to speak. How should I handle the situation? I'm trying hard to be more mature than I maybe am, is that bad? Do you girls think it's worse when the guy is younger?

[ShySoul]

As a guy whose brief glimpses into the possibility of a relationship has been all with older women, I find that it doesn't have to be a problem. If two people really care about each other and are willing to try and make it work, then it can work. The love and compassion you have for one another will get you through, along with honest, communication, and compromise. However, you both have to want to make it work.

 

It's also a matter of compatibility and how well you relate to each other. If your personalities click well, then anything can happen.

 

Why does she think the age gap is a hinderance? Has she communicated just exactly what her concerns are?

 

I think the biggest obstacles in any age gap relationship is where the people are at their life. With the difference being 20 and 25, is she out of school and working while you are still in school? Is she trying to get started on building a life for herself, while you are still figuring it out? Maybe she wants to settle down, and doesn't think you are ready for that?

[Tolaria]

Yes it's pretty much just that. I'm studying she's looking (kinda) for work and wants to settle down. I guess our relationship is doomed?

[arwen]

Tolaria, I think the problem is not the age difference, but the fact that SHE seems to think that the two of you are in different places. This could also be the case when there is no age gap. I had a relationship with a guy who was still in uni when I finished and started working. We broke up for other reasons, but I could feel us drifting apart. I think if both of you want the relationship, there is no problem. That is why I think you should open up to her and ask her if she sees a future, and tell her how you'd see a future together. You won't be studying for ever, and in a few years, you will be in a more similar lifestyle.

 

Ilse

[ShySoul]

Nope, not doomed if you both don't want it to be. You should though have a serious talk about this. Both express how you are feeling and what you think about it. Relationships involve patience and compromise. It's a matter of what you guys are willing to compromise on. Is she willing to have a long term relationship if it means she might not be able to settle down right away? Are you ready to stick with her for the long run and eventually settle down sooner then you may have thought? Can you work out seeing each other between work and school? Would you both be ok with her being better off financially since you are not going to be very stable for awhile?

 

Lots of issues to consider, and if one of you isn't willing to work through them, relationship isn't going to work. But if you are both willing to work at it, it can work. And if it isn't this girl, there will be other girls, maybe another older one as well. It's no so much the age, its what the person is willing to commit to and what they want at the time.

[shes2smart]

It's not the ages, it's the individuals.

 

My husband's 11 years younger than I am and it's the best relationship either of us has been in.

 

As long as one or both of you make age an issue, it'll be an issue.

[ShySoul]

My oldest brother was married to someone 10 years older then him. My other brother was in a long relationship with someone 10 years younger then him. Both relationships ended, but not because of the age difference. There were other issues involved. So it the individuals, not the age.

[southpaw]

I agree with the other two, it really isn't age so much as where you are in your lives and whether or not you want to make it work. My boyfriend and I have a little over three years of a difference, I'm 25 and he is 22, but it's not an issue. I was a little hesitant at first because I thought perhaps the age difference would matter but I've found it doesn't for the most part. It does help if you're in similar situations in life, he's a senior in college and I'm in my second year of grad school (living 2000 miles apart) but we're both students so we can empathize. There are moments where I notice the difference, just that he was taking the GRE's and I thought, ah yes, I remember doing that or I noticed some of the students in my office hours are his age, but the gap gets smaller as we're together longer, just as it is for any two people that date for a while.

[Giggles]

well, when i was younger i always told myself i would never date a man younger than i am... that worked fine until i fell completely in love with my current boyfriend, thereforeeee chucking my origional beliefs right out the window, he's 17 and i'm 19... he attends high school while i go to uni, it's weird, i mean im not too sure how to handle some situations, being the older one of the pair but i think we gnerally are very happy together

 

The only thing that i could possibly find an issue with my boyfriend is that i'm his first girlfriend, where i have dated one other man before him (and that man was 4 years older than me) it didnt work out, i feel way closer to my current boyfriend as we're more on the same wavelength.

 

Even though sometimes maturity is an issue, we deffinalty work out our differences and work in well together!

The age issue isnt a problem for me though, you cant control who you fall inlove with, it just happens, and like they say, age is just a number, it's really very petty to let something like that get in the way of a relationship!

 

well, anyways, goodluck

i hope my little story is of some help

[whatchamacallit]

I was going to post a thread about the woman being older than the man, but found alot of answers from this post. I guess what it all comes down to are the individuals involved and what they want. I am in a strained relationship with a man 11 years younger than I. We are truly at two different points in life, but have a deep love for each other that we can't let go of. He has two children 8 and 12. Mine are grown. It's a problem for me. There are several other problems that I won't go into now.

 

She's2Smart,

 

I would especially like to hear more about your satisfaction with your 11 year old age difference. Not too many times do you hear about that age diff with the woman being older. Did he have small children you had to deal with?

[shes2smart]

She's2Smart,

 

I would especially like to hear more about your satisfaction with your 11 year old age difference. Not too many times do you hear about that age diff with the woman being older. Did he have small children you had to deal with?

 

check your PM's.

[sbrew21]

I am 26 and my ex is 20 and he just broke up with me because I was getting "too serious" The age gap did bother me at first but then it was just a number. I mean I still want to be with him but we are at different stages in our life. I really didn't want to believe that age mattered but its a big difference.