Eye Contact vs. EYE CONTACT

[Kyoshiro Ogari]

Say you are familiar with a girl but don't know her and have never spoken to her, but you two know each other exist because you are constantly in the same surroundings. Say one day you two lock eyes and stare at each other for... oh, 3-5 seconds. Say it happens twice over a period of time. Say this is a stupid question. What would you think, that there is something a' brewin' or that you are just a familiar face and the eye contact meant nothing?

[friscodj]

3-5 seconds is a long time...go up to her an introduce yourself...and maintain that eye contact...

[intrigue_]

If it happens on more than one occasion, I'd say there's something up. And I also read a post of yours about this situation, and I'd think the girl in question does like you. You should definitely talk with her. =)

[Markers]

If you got the feeling that "OH BOY!" when those happened, absolutely go and strike a conversation. If, however, you had to logically figure out that "hmm, she looked at me hmm. I hope she likes me", then it might have been that you looked at her, she looked back like "what?" and of course in that case you shouldn't assume too much. Personally I in most cases just know it when it means something.. 'cause I either get the feeling or then I don't.

[intrigue_]

I agree with Markers. Gut instinct is usually your best tool for figuring this stuff out. Although, I also have to admit that I have been hurt on more than one occasion because of it...I got the feeling that the guy liked me (and probably did) but then proceeded to ignore me or something...

[friscodj]

You should always trust your intuition...

 

If you have doubts though...it can't hurt to talk to her...even if nothing comes of it...you'll get some good experience talking to women in this situation...

[PassionatePices]

I would introduce myself.

[LiquidCherry]

Smile next time, walk over and say, "Hi," and introduce yourself.

[Siraf]

If it's 3-5 seconds, then it's a good sign. I regret times when I didn't do anything when me and a girl stared at each other all the time, but just didn't approach each other. Good luck!

[Kyoshiro Ogari]

Thanks guys. You have really helped me a lot.

 

If you got the feeling that "OH BOY!" when those happened, absolutely go and strike a conversation. If, however, you had to logically figure out that "hmm, she looked at me hmm. I hope she likes me", then it might have been that you looked at her, she looked back like "what?" and of course in that case you shouldn't assume too much. Personally I in most cases just know it when it means something.. 'cause I either get the feeling or then I don't.

I have had the feeling for a long time, more evidence than the eye contact though. But the reason why I doubt so much, more so than how I feel about my looks, is that we are in the same area all the time for about a half an hour, so she's bound to look at me eventually. And, I was in her line of sight. But here's the kicker: if it were an old lady who gave me the same look, is there something to it? That's what I am trying to find out, was it a look, or was it THE LOOK?

 

I have made a vow. The next time we make eye contact, I will smile and nod and see what happens. Introducing myself is a big step for this shybie but I have to start somewhere, so I will smile.

[friscodj]

That's what I am trying to find out, was it a look, or was it THE LOOK?

 

If the look she gave you gave you a little tingle or a shiver, than it was "the" look...even if it was from grandma...to each his own I guess...

 

Can't really explain what "the" look is though. If you're asking the question, "If it was 'the' look" though, then it probably was...

[intrigue_]

Definitely... but only approach her if you're attracted to her, of course. After reading your previous posts I assumed that this was the girl you were referring to who was around your same age. If you don't feel attracted to her (if she was around the same age as your grandma.. i'd assume not?) then don't approach her. If you were only asking that as a hypothetical, one can feel attracted to someone that age, but it's not likely...

 

I meant that I 'definitely' know what you mean about there being a difference between a 'look' and "the" look... and I think the above poster explained it well.

[intrigue_]

hmm. I just also want to point out, Kyoto, that even if you DO feel a "connection" (because ultimately that 'look' and 'tingle' feeling is that), it's not 100% that you're going to find her an amazing person and that she'll want to go out with you. I think that you should definitely at least introduce yourself, there's no harm in that (and indeed I have done this before in similar circumstances, most people do) so DO IT. But I'm just saying that I've done this and flirted with guys before, they've flirted back, gave me their number and then hurt me by ignoring me because they didn't think I was 'good enough' for them in the end (i.e. the guys turned out to be med students/Ph.D students & wanted someone older/more prestigious than I) or they already had a girlfriend. But they still liked me... but nothing could work out.

 

Not saying this to disappoint you or anything but just to caution... if she doesn't automatically ask for your number or something don't get all heart-broken and think that this means no women wants you (your posts in the past indicate this type of pessimistic thinking.) I just want to say that there will be some women who may be shy/have a boyfriend or for whatever reason may not act on those feelings of mutual interest. That dosen't necessarily mean that she didn't feel that connection and attraction but just that now might not be the right time.

 

In your circumstance it's probably different, but if that is the case, then don't give up. As you told me there is plenty of fish in the sea. I just don't want to see you get hurt like I did if sparks don't fly or something like that. BUT you only truly fail if you don't try. Then you'll be wondering 'til infinity, right? So DO IT. lol

 

Take care.

[Naomi]

Most people will not make eye contact with a stanger unless they are intrigued by them. By all means, it is a good sign - make a move KO!!!!! Smile, approach her!!! Good luck!

[Markers]

we are in the same area all the time for about a half an hour, so she's bound to look at me eventually. And, I was in her line of sight.

you can just tell the difference between someone who's just happening to look at you (in line of sight), and someone who's making eye contact with you. Just see how most of girls look at you, they might be looking but not making eye contact. Then you can tell the difference between eye contact that means nothing and eye contact that means something. Just catch they eye with someone really awesome looking girl who seems shallow etc - you'll get the platonic eye contact. Then you can tell the difference - besides, for me, my gut just tells me when it's good anyway. You can make the difference in the distance too, and it has nothing to do with being in line of sight. Why are you in her line of sight in the first place? Because something on that line interests her, I bet.

[OceanEyes]

This comes up so often! If you're interested in a girl, please, PLEASE don't rely on her looking at you to assume that she's interested. Just go make some conversation! Nothing will be more telltale than having a conversation with her, and possibly getting to know her a bit. I look at guys - hundreds of them - every day of my life, some I know I look at longer, for no other reason than they are wearing something that I just saw in the American Eagle store.

 

Don't rely on eye contact alone. If you're interested, you're going to have to approach her eventually anyway.

[intrigue_]

I agree with what OceanEyes suggested -- that you can't tell for sure if you'll even like her unless you talk with her. But eye contact is often telling. Studies show you can usually tell within 3 seconds whether a person is attracted to you or not. Although attraction often develops once you get to know a person as well, so it's definitely worth talking with the person. But if there's even an initial 'vibe' you get -- that's almost ALWAYS a good sign. Usually that 'tingle', gut feeling I get is right, and worth exploring.

[OceanEyes]

Studies show you can usually tell within 3 seconds whether a person is attracted to you or not.

 

Oh, I agree completely. But, there's no way of knowing whether or not that attraction is REAL until you have an actual face-to-face conversation. Until you initiate some kind of practical interaction, it's really just a case of finding another person attractive.

[orangecounty]

Yes and no. It's hard to tell. There's this guy who works in the same place as myself but we don't work together. I always run into him, or look over at the wrong time. He probably thinks I'm checking him out but I'm not interested at all. So that's one example of it meaning nothing. Though the other day, I was taking my drawing class and saw a very handsome man sitting accross the room from me. I shifted my eyes up once and he did the exact same at the same moment in time. I could be wrong, I think he was checking me out. But who's to say, he could have just looked up at that moment and it may mean nothing. I guess what I'm trying to say is that while it could mean something, you can't possibly know without actually getting to know someone. And I agree with the other posters, often you'll fantasize and dream about someone from afar, then you meet them and they're nothing like you thought because that's reality.

[Kyoshiro Ogari]

Thank you again, everyone.

 

Yes and no. It's hard to tell. There's this guy who works in the same place as myself but we don't work together. I always run into him, or look over at the wrong time. He probably thinks I'm checking him out but I'm not interested at all. So that's one example of it meaning nothing.

I am so glad you said that. I was in the same situation years ago, and thought our looking at each other was either coincidence or something more. Since my esteem is low, I figure I am just catching her looking in my direction and she just happens to look my way. That puts my mind at ease on that chapter, thanks O.C.

 

As for this other girl, I am thinking the same thing, a big deal over nothing. Won't hurt to try, but I definitely won't be torn asunder if she says no because I expect it. So what have I got to lose?

 

Then again, why is it so hard?

[orangecounty]

You're welcome. I wouldn't completely disqualify the chances of it being nothing but it's good that your head is open to the possibility that it isn't. It's often easy if someone is looking your way to naturally pick up their gaze quickly because they're looking in your direction. It is hard, for anyone. But go ahead and just say hello. You don't have to walk up to her and ask her out right off the bat. Just get to know her better and in time, you can ask her out if you feel things are heading that way. I asked out a guy this last year whom I really liked and who flirted with me for a few months. Well guess what? He said no, he had to "work" on himself. I was shocked. But I'm still glad I did it, I would have forever been wondering what could have happened, had I not asked him out.

[Kyoshiro Ogari]

There is an ironic twist to this story that I amazingly forgot to post.

 

It is not so much that I am attracted to her. Believe me I am. But the story gets deeper. Much deeper.

 

I always wondered if the feeling I got from her was a romantic vibe... or a familiar one. Was it mutual attraction, or was it the fact that we have seen each other before? A few weeks ago I began to wonder if she did indeed look familiar. And out of the blue it hit me that she may be the older sister of the girl I had a crush on in high school. I can't remember what she looked like then, except that she had brown hair. I remember her younger sister though. I had it bad for her all throughout high school. There was this one incident where my crush's sister was walking down the hallway arm in arm with her boyfiend, and we made eye contact for about 3 seconds. Did this eye contact ring a bell for me? I mean I had a flashback a week ago involving my childhood, but could that be a flashback too?

 

She and her sister (my crush) were in the same English class at one point. My crush was the same year as me while her sister was a year older. What made me think it was her was when I heard her talking the other day, a week before the eye contact incident. I heard her talk with a slight lisp, which is exactly how my high school crush talked. The only thing that's throwing my theory off is that I believe my crush's sister had blue eyes. This girl has green eyes. But everything else is starting to slowly fall into place.

 

Now I'm at the point where I just want to know if she is indeed the sister of the girl I had a crush on, which would make for a perfect novel. Forget asking her out for a drink or coffee, I am more intrigued by this mystery. Did we go to the same high school? A great conversation starter, but I don't want her to think it's some cheesy pickup line.

 

Oh what to do what to do what to do?

[intrigue_]

It's not a pickup line. I frequently have guys come up to me and go "hey, aren't you in ___ class?" (even if I'm not, in most cases it's true though.) It's a good conversation starter, and I don't think of it as a pick-up line at all. I've seen people who went to elementary school with me and they've come up and gone "hey, didn't you go to __ school?" (and they're girls, not even guys so it's not like they were trying to pick me up. It's just a NORMAL thing for friendly people to do when they see someone they think they might recognize. So GO FOR IT. She won't think anything badly of you. And soon enough, who knows, tomorrow, she may just leave the job and you'll never see her again. If you want to solve the mystery, then do it soon...trust me. =)

 

And if she says no, then say that she looks like someone familiar, and carry on the conversation by like 'what are you studying here?' or something like that...it's up to you. Hell, I've had guys come up to me in the library and just been like "hey, what's the time?" and then try to hit on me by that... even though I wasn't interested I'd still chat for a bit.

 

So just do it... and let us know how it goes. It's honestly nothing, I talk with people all the time in the library/public places, without thinking of whether the person is trying to 'pick me up' or not... you only start to wonder that later, once you get to know the person.

[Naomi]

Its time to look inside yourself and see all the wonderful attributes you possess and say to yourself how this girl should be so lucky to have you approach her..don't let your fear and shame control you..you can live with rejection but regrets are a lot harder to overcome. Good luck!

[Markers]

just make sure you don't start pouring all those stories to her the first time you talk to her, which you will do very soon, won't you?