NC or NOT?

[Alperionce]

 

 

Just wanted to know some thoughts on when not to go for NC. Lets say that the person that broke up didn't do because they were cheated on, or anything really bad. What if the person couldn't handle the relationship.

 

I'm holding on to NC, because in my situation she needed time to better herself. She felt overwhelmed by not being good enough, college, and full time work and family. She needed time to stop feeling so different, so agitated at everything. I know that I need space, so I'm doing NC.

 

If this is true, then is using NC is a little bit selfish? Is it saying that If you don't want me, then you can't talk to me or be friends which is kinda childish? Agree?

 

However, for reasons that I want my ex back. I don't want to do anything stupid by being there for her, or trying to be, and then she would feel way too rushed, and then only think me as a friend.

 

I could understand NC for Abusive partner, cheating, nastyness, and others. I would appreciate your thoughts. I know that this is sorta of a goodcase scenario dumping, but just would like some thoughts.

[Relationship Coach]

NC is not the answer to everything in regards to break ups. It should be used to give each other space to heal. In your case I think she could use some support but with no strings attached. You need to make it clear that you are there to help her if she needs it otherwise you will give her space until she contacts you. This way you don't appear to be abandoning her yet willing to give her some breathing room. If you chose to do this, don't get your hopes up or try to read too much in to her requests for help or support. Good Luck,

 

RC

[Alperionce]

Relationship Coach,

 

Thanks for the reply, even if you are the only one. I made it clear that I would help her, but I wouldn't contact her because I needed time to adjust to myself and heal. So she knows that I'm there, but I think she can definitely tell that I'm still hurt and she doesn't want to be reminded of it. So thats why I get the distance. She needed time. I feel bad, sometimes, but I guess she didn't really care when she dumped me. Or at least her actions showed it.

 

I did what I could. It just sometimes I wonder if I could help her, but she doesn't want my help...she just needs a friend. So I guess I'm better of NC unless she contacts me. Shes her own worst enemy. Some nights I think positive thoughts toward her. Some nights I don't have that luxery to her.

 

Anyway thanks for the reply I appreciated.

[confusedashell]

My advise is to back off, but still show them you love them. Not by anything instrusive or pestering. the odd card, sms, or a bunch of flowers if its a girl. Of course that depends on them still having feelings for you and not the relationship. Been there myself. This works way better than all those idiotic phone calls and pleadings. but give them space