i feel guilty, confused. help...

[surf85]

Hi guys, i just need to pour out my feelings and hopefully someone can advise.

 

i am a 20 year old from singapore. I am embarking on my medical studies in melbourne, australia in end febraury 2006. however, my family met a financial crisis in august last year...and since then, my decision to continue my medical course have been thrown into jeopardy.

 

the medical course for an international student is really expensive..about AUD$38 000 per year, excluding living expenses. the financial crisis has made me think really really hard if i should switch course and stay in singapore to study instead. if i do stay in singapore, i cannot take medicine, since i was not selected for medical school here. many times, the same question hits me, whether i should spend so much for my education...and after much thought..i do want to continue...but after some time, the same question hits me again...because i really feel guilty about using so much of my parent's money.

 

i tried to apply for a scholarship...but just now, i just received an email saying i was rejected. I feel so low...its like...i am always mediocre...i cant get into medical school in singaopore, i cant even get a scholarship in my university. i feel that i am always second class..i know i am not the worst..but i am always just second class.. i am a very ambitious man, but i wonder if i am ever up to it. this rejection of scholarship really brought me down...and the same question hits me now..whether i should spend that money to study medicine.

[LostInMyThoughts]

If your parents are offering the money; I would take it the opportunity. They are providing for your future.

 

The guilt is a normal feeling, but it really its your parents money, and they want to use it to pay for your education so that you can live a better life then they did.

 

My parents did the same thing for me, as thier parents did for them.

 

Losing out on a scholarship is rough, but doesn't make you mediocre. Neither does not getting into the medical program in singapore (I know that like Malaysia, Singapore has very limited number of seats for university).

 

Do you know if there are banks in Austrialia that offer studen loans? In the USA, student loans are a very common and practical way to pay for college.

[arwen]

Surf, I think your parents will want you to pursue this career. It opens up all kinds of possibilities which also will make things easier in the financial department. Your parents seem to think in the longterm, and so should you. They don't want you to waste your talent, which you have. My parents are poor as well. I have felt guilty but it stopped once I graduated and have my mastersdegree. They are so unbelievably proud of me. I am pursuing a career in linguistic research, not the best paid option, but it's what I want in life.

 

Do what you WANT. If you drop out now and start working, that is a shortterm solution to a longterm problem. Money is an issue for a lot of people. Keep applying for scholarships as well. I have had rejections for phd positions and of course they made me feel bad. However, you know you have talent, and you should just KEEP TRYING!

 

Ilse

[surf85]

thank you so much for the advice. its really heart warming to hear about people who have taken the route, look back, and smiled without regrets.

[arwen]

You're welcome! Did you talk with your parents about the issue you're having with them spending this money on your education? I did several times as I felt so very guilty. They'd always reassure me that it was worth the investment and to see me being educated for the field I am so passionate about.

 

 

 

Ilse

[surf85]

hey ilse,

 

i did speak to my parents about it as i felt so guilty too. they mentioned that they will be sad if they could not support me thru my education. but also...deep down, how they wish that i would have studied locally. so i guess, their sentiments are not as clear cut as your parents'.

actually, i do know that they love me alot, and would do their best to see that i am happy.

 

another thing, did the guilt distract you or affect you while you were studying?

[arwen]

Yeah, it did. In fact due to other factors in my family and my past, I got into a severe depression. Which only made me finish later. My parents were very supportive, and said that if I finished later, they'd still love me and be proud of me. They didn't want me to force anything when I was so depressed, and all turned out very well. I am healthy and not depressed now, I am applying for PhD positions to become what I wanted in the first place (researcher in Linguistics).

 

Just stick through it, you will be able to I am sure!

 

Ilse