I have no idea what is going on with this girl...

[MooseManWisconsin]

And I'm really not that good at even BEGINNING to understand what may be going on. I don't date frequently and reading the mind of women has been my difficulty area for years. I'm positive this probably makes no difference, but I'm 27 years old and live in Wisconsin. I met this girl through the Internet. I didn't really think it would be any big deal at first but it turned out that we had so much in common (it wasn't a dating website) and we eventually started talking about meeting. Through the course of the four months we first started talking, she would tell me EVERYTHING about her family and other friends (as I would her). When we met, neither of us were shocked (we did know what each other looked like through pictures) but we really didn't have a whole lot to say (which I'm beginning to agree with others on the philosophy that we had already spent four months talking about EVERYTHING so it was just sort of a laid back dinner). She is pretty busy (with education and everything) so the amount of time she spends sending me messages, etc, are off from what they may have been during the Christmas holidays. Where we used to communicate daily, we now communicate maybe two times in a week (and I have started to pull back). The other night she sent me a message where she said she was sad and sorry that she no longer got to send me longer messages and missed not talking to me more often. And she had called me up last Sunday (but I missed the call) and I decided not to return it and in the message she was like, "just wanted to say hi and see that you had a good weekend." She occasionally tells me about her other friends and I know for a fact that her roommate knows about me. I consider it decent that, at times, she will tell me about some of her thoughts and problems (being single and stuff). About three weekends ago, I sent a message and basically told her she could forget me if she wanted (because I felt like I was being a bother and all) and she sent this message back about missing when she doesn't get to talk to me and stuff and I decided not to write her back for about four days and when I did she seemed pretty happy in the e-mail and said that she was afraid I wasn't ever going to write her back or call her again for her neglecting or taking so long to respond or whatever. So the other afternoon (the last e-mail I sent and maybe the last one period) I sent her a message and complimented her on how beautiful she was, etc, and she said all the things I mentioned earlier (about feeling sad and missing when she didn't get to talk to me more or send me longer messages) and said she probably didn't deserve the compliments because she didn't feel like she had been a good friend to me lately. I know she has several other guy friends (which may be a point I need to get accross, I'm not really sure...). This is my first time posting and sorry to ask... but guys, what do you think is going on here and what should I do? Should I run and stay away (as I'm thinking about) or go back? And what should I say now... I wasn't intending on sending another message...

Marcus

[Msnak]

I'm not exactly sure what your reasons are for running away. It seems like you need her to show more interest, and that maybe you're confused.

 

I understand she's not in touch as often, and that you weren't able to talk much in person. How many times have you seen her? Can you get together once more, just to see how things go? I bet she won't say no.

 

It sounds as if you two may have built up such anticipation and excitement, that when you finally met after all that time, both of you were a bit disappointed.

 

Were you attracted to her? Does she have time to date? Does she complain much about being single?

 

Could you see yourself with her? You might have to do some serious analyzing to figure out if you really want to walk away or stick around.

[MooseManWisconsin]

I'm not exactly sure what your reasons are for running away. It seems like you need her to show more interest, and that maybe you're confused.

 

I understand she's not in touch as often, and that you weren't able to talk much in person. How many times have you seen her? Can you get together once more, just to see how things go? I bet she won't say no.

 

It sounds as if you two may have built up such anticipation and excitement, that when you finally met after all that time, both of you were a bit disappointed.

 

Were you attracted to her? Does she have time to date? Does she complain much about being single?

 

Could you see yourself with her? You might have to do some serious analyzing to figure out if you really want to walk away or stick around.

 

I'll agree. I'm not really sure how much time she has to date (being a full-time student) but I was attracted to her and I don't necessarily feel as though I ran her off. I'm not a rocket scientist, but I believe anytime you can get a hug right before the date, a hug right after, and then a phone call and an e-mail following up that say "I enjoyed it", it wasn't ALL BAD. I could see myself being with her. Let me sum things up. I don't drink or do any kind of drugs (and I also don't preach against anybody who does). This may be wrong, but if anything can make you feel better I normally say all for it (and that includes alcohol). But I can say, from my point of view -- being a few years older than her -- that it's often an uphill climb. And she has spoke with me many times about the fact that I'm a "good guy" and she likes my qualities. I think I honestly may just be a bit disappointed that she doesn't have all the time for me that I would want her to have.

[Msnak]

Wow. You have analyzed this. You seem to have received good signs from her verbally and physically--but they don't match up with her availability.

 

I don't drink or anything like that either, but I'm not sure what you mean by referring to that. Is it that she makes you feel good, a natural high, if you will...except when you consider not being with her? Does this mean you like her but think it won't work out?

 

The last line you wrote speaks volumes. But can you get confirmation from her, just to make sure it's true? Try asking her directly if she'd like to honestly try and spend more time with you.

 

If she says no, that's your answer. Is she close to being done with school?

[brandypgirl37]

MooseMan,

 

I think I can help. It might be nice for you to have the opinion of a woman on this! I'm not psychic, but I think I can tell you (for sure) that if you can get a response from her (in which she states her enjoyment for talking with you and expresses a concern over the lack of time she has) that you have a pretty good standing with her.

 

That's not to say that you two guys are headed for a marriage - but it's not to say she has no interest either, because she does. It is probably up to you to determine how much interest she has in you.

 

Many on this board might disagree with me, but I think the fact that you two guys met online (discussed EVERYTHING and met) has to be to an advantage to both of you (especially if an interest -- possibly even a mild one -- exists). I feel this way because it SEEMS as though you two already have some sort of "trust" in each other. Don't be stupid (lol), not even a girl will tell you she "isn't thinking she's a good friend" and feels as though she's "neglecting" you by not responding as quickly as she'd like to your messages.

 

Think of it like this (and I was a young girl once)... She has had every opportunity to LEAVE and is sticking around (by returning your e-mail or calls when she can). First, you "pulled back" for an entire week (and for several days a few times before that). If no interest existed, I would be forced to believe she would have simply never responded to any of your attempts to communicate with her thereafter. After you guys met, she could have simply never returned any calls or e-mail. AND SHE HAS!

 

I think what I'm trying to say can be summed up simply. (And this may hurt feelings of other guys who are reading this). Simply, A GIRL WILL NOT RESPOND TO ANY ATTEMPT TO COMMUNICATE IF SHE HAS NO INTEREST. Again, MooseManWisconsin, it could be that she is interested in just a friendship or possibly even more (I'm somewhat forced to believe just a tad more than a friendship exists).

 

My best friend sent you a private message asking for more info about this relationship and you forwarded a e-mail message that she had responded to (but more importantly, you forwarded the message you had sent after a week of waiting to communicate with her). Let's be straight, making a comment that states, "you are going to make some man very lucky someday. I just hope that if I don't fit into that equation that you will somehow think of me. I understand that you are busy and don't want to occupy so much of your time that you are no longer to live your life in the manner you desire and I want you to do your best at everything." Those statements said a lot. Number one, I don't think you meant anything too personal by the first two sentances, but she could have taken that for exactly how it sounded (thoughts of future) and WALKED QUICKLY AWAY if not interested. Next, by basically telling her she could leave if she desired, you were giving her the perfect opportunity to NEVER have anything to do with you again. Last, I think you showed true character by expressing your desire for her to do well at all things she attempted. ;-) I like you and I think if this girl is wise, she'll keep you around. And her response said a great deal to me: "You make me smile." "I really want to talk to you more tonight and am going to try to but I have a lot of reading to do." "I just wanted to tell you hi." I think this is positive.

 

I would like to know what more people think about the possibilities of this relationship (or how it sounds to them). I guess this was just my little take on the issue!

 

Brandy

[Msnak]

If no interest existed, I would be forced to believe she would have simply never responded to any of your attempts to communicate with her thereafter. After you guys met, she could have simply never returned any calls or e-mail. AND SHE HAS!

 

Simply, A GIRL WILL NOT RESPOND TO ANY ATTEMPT TO COMMUNICATE IF SHE HAS NO INTEREST.

 

Brandy

 

Brandy, this was a very refreshing post, I had to respond!

 

I agree! You brought home the main points and I think Moose has a chance with her. So, as long as there's some interest, it would be silly to walk away.

 

I had a similiar situation, where the interest was there, but shyness, work and schedules got in the way. But you do have to see what's there, to keep from wondering!!

[Markers]

to sum up what Msnak and Brandy said, a girl might respond out of politeness if you contact her. However, she will not try to initiate any contact with you. (Which she has).

[becallamjr]

If you have a thing for her, I say pursue it, but be honest with her and see where it goes from there. At worst you will have a great friend.

[brandypgirl37]

Exactly...

 

And I think another problem here is that she doesn't always respond (or he doesn't) to ever piece of communication. But the main points are in place (she calls just to say hi) and I think the fact that she will tell him she misses not being able to communicate with him as often (because of her schedule) is a big point. And the deal about telling you about her friends... that's another positive point. I kind of think she WANTS you in her life. It's almost as if she may think you are a permanent fixture but doesn't exactly have the time to pursue a real relationship.

 

Brandy