I just found out my boyfriend might be bi/gay and I don't know what to do.

[ehg228]

Deleted until I can figure how to actually delete thread.

[renaissancewoman101]

I have dealt with something like you and my heart is still hung up over him, although we are now best of friends. When I was in my third year of college, my friends set me up with a classmate of theirs. He was a cute guy, funny, nice, emotional, empathetic, dressed well, etc. I was a newbie to dating and had never dated before. I fell head over heels for him because he was the first guy I ever dated. We dated for three years and we did everything together, go out to eat, travel, did homework, etc. He seemed like he was into me but he was not sexual with me, not really. We never had sex, although he did sexual things for me sometimes (oral stuff)and I experienced my first orgasm with him. I found him weird but I didnt care. I just wanted someone whom I could hang with and who liked being around me.

 

The year I graduated, he asked me to stay out here and wait for him to graduate (he is a year younger than me) and I stayed out here for him. I thought that he would eventually marry me. The day after he graduated, he told me that he thought he could be gay and that he could be attracted to men. I was crushed and did not know what to do. Yet, he did not dump me. He still wanted me around because I understood him and I was the only one he could open up to. I was devastated but I could not let him go. So, I hung on. He eventually met a bf and I was crushed but he still was emotionally close to me. His bf hated my guts and wanted to push me out of their lives. Even though my ex loved his bf and was infatuated with him, he refused to put me out of his life and kept me in.

 

We are now all friends, although jealousy still exists between me and my best friend's bf, but it is a guarded jealousy. My best friend/first ex wants a life with his bf and with me there with them.

 

It hasnt done my dating life a lot of good. I have tried to go out and date because I want a normal, love relationship. I met my current ex about two years ago, and I fell in love with him, but I was still in love with my first ex/the gay guy, and I have never let go of him emotionally and that was a major factor in doing in my current relationship.

[ocrob]

The thing about the internet is that you can look up anything. Your boyfriend may just be curious about certain things and is learning about them in the safety of his own home. I know that I have looked up all kinds of crazy stuff on the internet. Sometimes you are just curious and want to investigate certain things. I would not use the history of someone's computer to determine what they are up to. I have researched many things that I was just curious about. I may look up drugs or sex toys or porn, but mostely out of curiosity and to see what other people are doing. Have you gone on to any forums on here that did not relate to you? I have gone to the gay/transgender forum just to see what people are posting.

[venus777]

well, it sounds to me you are sure that he posted it, perhaps you checked his email too?

anyways, it doesn't matter gay/bi/straight (sounds bi though) cheating or looking to cheat is still the same. doesn't matter what their sex is. the thing about the situation with renaissancewoman is that her boyfriend told her about wanting to be with men and they broke up.

if he posted that, then that's cheating or wanting to cheat, and that's wrong.

[Imaginary]

Moral of the story... no such thing as a perfect boyfriend. If someone seems perfect, buckle up for the ride. I'd say I agree with pretty much everything venus777 said, wanting to cheat is just as bad as cheating.

[AwdreeHpburn]

I disagree with what you did and how you used it against him. You knew it was wrong to "snoop" as you put it, but you did it anyway.

 

Well, now you know he's curious about gay sex. I bet everybody is at some point, on some level. Sorry for what you uncovered but I don't think he was ready for you to see that. If he was curious and simply looking, what's the harm? If he is gay or bi or about to discover that for himself, don't you think he would keep you informed?

 

I believe this guy probably does really care about you. I think you've put him in a real awkward place. Sort of like getting caught masterbating. Who wants to have to "discuss" that.

 

I don't think his looking or posting on the internet means he is leading a secret gay life. His posting could just be all part of the exploration.

 

I personally don't consider looking at porn on-line, gay or straight, cheating. Otherwise we are ALL cheaters.

 

My advice to you is give him his privacy and trust that he will not jeapordize your health. Don't call him a betrayer or cheater until or if he actually betrays you.

[novaseeker]

Proceed carefully.

 

What you really need to get to the bottom of is (1) whether he really is looking to hook up with someone else or not (and I agree with the others that going through the process of looking to hook up with someone is just as bad as cheating, really) and (2) where he really is at in terms of his sexuality.

 

If you have a healthy satisfying sex life with him, it's highly unlikely that he is gay. Most of the stories of women who have been involved with gay men are more like Ren's above, where there is very little sex, or very perfunctory and unsatisfactory sex. He may, however, be bisexual to some degree, and this is trickier to figure out ... he may not have it figured out himself. So I'd recommend trying to discuss it with him when his friend is not around so that you can have an open and honest discussion about where he is at.