I'm not shy, but serious

[venus777]

I think I'm pretty attractive. But, when it comes to running into people on the street or at parties, I don't know what to do.

 

When I lived in spain, i was pretty flirtatious, and i would use my eyes to get guys to approach me, but now that i'm here it's different. lots of guys aren't even looking around them at all it seems like and it seems that usually the guys i'm attracted to are totally out of reach (artists, musician types with huge followings) and I'm usually attracted to guys of different races and they seem to not always even give a girl a chance at all themselves.

 

So, what do I do? Sometimes I see cute guys on the street and they say hi to me but I never respond cause I don't want to meet guys that way. Hmmmm... what do you think?

[Relationship Coach]

Venus,

 

You never know where love is going to come from, don't reduce your chances of finding it! If a cute guy says hi to you on the street, respond! OK, if that is where he lives I understand your hesitation but what is the difference of meeting someone at a party or walking down the street? Sounds like a great story someday for the kids and grandkids! I met my wife on yahoos personals site and I'm glad I did! Take the blinders off and find what you long for!

 

RC

[wlfpack81]

...and I'm usually attracted to guys of different races and they seem to not always even give a girl a chance at all themselves...

I can't speak on the other issues (I'm not experienced in the world of dating at all) but maybe I can on this one. Assuming your white and me fitting into the category of other race (black or African-American if that suites you) it could be that these other guys (outside of your race) may be a bit nervous about starting a relationship with a white girl if they haven't done so before due to all the negative stereotypes and energy associated with non-whites dating a white girl. I'v seen attractive women of all races (not so much anymore since I now live in Oklahoma and not much diversity here) before but in my mind I think (if I weren't shy to begin with) would it be even worth trying to strike up a conversation with her. If it turns out she's into dating many different types of people/races then the relationship would still have a hard time getting going just b/c of all the BS she'd probably get from her family/friends/race and me receiving the same BS from my side as well as her side, especially if it were a white girl who I happened to be interested in.

 

Of course then again it depends on what particular race outside of your own you tend to be attracted too (Asian, Black, Hispanic, Middle Eastern, Native American etc.). Some interracial relationships aren't looked down as bad (Asian male with a white girl) as others (black male with a white girl).

 

Sorry to go on and I hope this doesn't start a flame war but since you mentioned you like those in other races I felt I need to give my opinion on the reason why these guys may be ignoring you and not making any active moves. If you're not white then my point isn't as good but still applies somewhat b/c it takes a lot of courage for people to date interracially and some just don't think it's worth the BS they'd get from society.

[venus777]

hey wlfpack81, your point is well taken. i know that there are lots of issues with interracial dating. i am white. the last guy i dated was black. we were having issues already (i really think that he did not consider me relationship material because of my skin color, but was o.k. with using me) but it really exploded when the sister of a friend of mine (they are black) mentioned something to HIS brother because i am white and then his brother got on my case and the guy i was dating. long dramatic story, but it does make me fearful of dating another black guy because either 1) he might be dating me because i'm white and there are rumors we are weak and submissive or 2) he might not let himself get close to me because i'm white or 3) black girls will get mad about it. you see, the sister got all mad cause she was crushing on him before me and she doesn't like to see black guys date white girls cause in her opinion black guys don't like her, they like white girls, but my experience is very different. i think black guys tend to be wary of dating white girls, but if they do, you don't necessarily know what the motivation is.

isn't it sad? it's so sad, cause i feel like i'm reducing the chances of meeting a soul mate a whole lot if i can't even date people cause of their skin color. it's ridiculous.

sigh.

and it sucks because there is so much cultural b.s. where people can't even hang out and have friends of different colors, even though i live in one of the most progressive areas in the u.s.

sigh, i met the cutest guy from georgia, black guy, that visited a clinic i volunteer at... he seemed sweet and had the sexiest accent. sigh. but i directed him to where he needed to go... and that was it.

[wlfpack81]

...1) he might be dating me because i'm white and there are rumors we are weak and submissive or 2) he might not let himself get close to me because i'm white or...

Ah the stereotype that black guys like white women b/c of the submissiveness? I thought white men liked to date Asian women b/c of that same reason (not that I believe this but I'm making a point, or at least trying to)? Yet seems when that is brought up it's denied yet bring up my first point about blacks w/white women and seems everyone (non-whites) want to accept that as fact. Now you see why some (at least speaking for myself) would be very cautious about dating a white girl? Usually w/black males the first thought that comes to many minds (even older blacks) usually contain some sort of negativity. To me beauty if beauty and if she happens to be white or whatever so be it but then again the negative aspects which you just mentioned would make me want to forget even trying. Not really worth it.

 

...3) black girls will get mad about it. you see, the sister got all mad cause she was crushing on him before me and she doesn't like to see black guys date white girls cause in her opinion black guys don't like her, they like white girls, but my experience is very different...

 

Some black women may feel threatened by white girls (or any non-black dating a black male) b/c they may think the best of the best so to speak are being taken away. Of course on the opposite end of the spectrum you have some white males getting upset at white girls w/black men b/c they feel we're of a lower class and that the girls are selling out or maybe they don't want the bloodlines "tainted" as they say.

 

isn't it sad? it's so sad, cause i feel like i'm reducing the chances of meeting a soul mate a whole lot if i can't even date people cause of their skin color. it's ridiculous. sigh. and it sucks because there is so much cultural b.s. where people can't even hang out and have friends of different colors, even though i live in one of the most progressive areas in the u.s.

Yep it's very said but again it is what it is unfortunately. For those who can date outside their race I commend them b/c they are obviously putting up w/so much crap from their race, family and their partners family, race. I just honestly don't know how they do it. I've seen a few interracial couples here in Oklahoma (very conservative and no diversity) that were white male/black female, black male/white female and often think to myself what they must be going through. Especially given the make up of this region. And I know what you mean about even having friends of another race. Usually people make excuses and just mention interracial dating but in honesty they don't even interracial friendships if it involves a male/female.

 

I wish you luck in the future though in whatever you do. Just curious what part of the U.S. do you live in since you mention progressiveness? I'm assuming it's either in the northeast, west coast or northwest. At least you're not stuck in the Heartland/Middle America like me

[venus777]

yeah, i know what you are talking about - the whole white male-asian female combo, my friend (she is from sri lanka) dated a white guy for a while and he told her he always dated asian girls and she saw that as a huge red flag.

well, the thing is about the stereotype, everyone perpetuates, including black people, in fact, the brother of the guy i was dating posted something real nasty about white females dating black guys and it had all sorts of nasty stereotypes. go on any interracial site and it's all over the place... you see, that's enough to make a white girl real nervous about dating a black guy as well, but nor do i believe it entirely. any black man that decides he's interested in dating me has to know that i'm strong (any white man, any man of any color) because i have a sort of intimidating personality, i'm bold and direct, i'm not scared. but i have to admit, the stereotype makes me more cautious dating a black man cause i'm afraid he might be dating me cause he thinks i'm clueless of black culture and can't see the warning signs as soon as a black female could, you feel me?

i'm from the san francisco bay area. one of the most progressive areas in the country. and it's still hella racist in messed up ways. this one girl wears this tee shirt at this cultural center i frequent that says "i never date white guys". i mean, how can we ever know what the skin color will be of a person we fall in love with. and everyone has the will to step out of any roles and stereotypes that society perpetuates, despite the skin color.

yeah, it'd be really heard to be stuck in oklahoma. i couldn't imagine...

[wlfpack81]

Ah San Fransico. I was actually out there last May for a month due to my current job (company was in the final stages of moving to OK so I had to train out there). Loved it and wouldn't mind getting back there in the future (once my earnings increase to the cost of living standard there LOL).