Need help with my girlfriend.

[SkyFire]

Hello.

 

I am here asking for help, not for myself, but for my girlfriend.

 

My girlfriend and I were together for about 3 months now, and I really like, maybe even dare I say, love, her.

 

Anyways, she has some problems. She has low self-esteem and worries alot about what others think of her. She thinks everyone will think bad of her, etc. She also doesent have alot of friends, and that worries her too.

 

I used to be at a stage like this in my life so I know how she feels, but I've changed and my life has only gone uphill from it.

 

She is a really good person though, very supportive and caring. She is also quite different from the rest of the girls, but in a good way. That's why I like her so much and that's why she's my GF.

 

I'm getting really worried about her, however. I want to help her. But I don't know how to approach her about it; The truth is is that SHE will have to do something about her self-esteem, not me. I just need her to realize it.

 

What can I do to help her?

[shelbymustang_fan]

I'd take her out somewhere where she feels comfortable. Is she a regular at any business, restaurants, clubs..etc? Is there anything she does well that she also thinks she does well? What about having her do whatever is worreing her in front of you, and only you? Have you re-assured her every step of the way? give her lots of compliments...with caution... I used to be shy and unconfident, and It felt awkward when somebody complimented me. Also, what about volunteering? When volunteering, people only notice the good things coming from a person.

 

Hope this helps.

[locolady]

Its great that youre thinking so carefully about how you can help her and while youre right that she needs to find a way to feel good about herself, for herself, you can definitely help. Give her lots of compliments, make sure she knows that youre proud of her and proud to be seen out with her.

 

Volunteering was a really good suggestion above - i dont have great self-esteem and following a nasty break up lat year, i was at an alltime low - i went to Nepal and taught english in an orphange - it was so humbling and it has certainly helped me on my way. Thats obviously pretty dramatic but im sure there are lots of charities in your area she could get involved with - if shes shy you could start off going together, but make sure you take a backseat once she gets comfortable. Achievements are also good - maybe take up a new hobby or evening class - art or photography or aromatherapy absolutely anything - she will then feel like she has more in her life, more to talk about and its a great way to meet new people.

 

Ultimately she will have to do this for herself, but if you can be patient and caring as you clearly are - you can help her! good luck x

[SkyFire]

Thanks for the advice guys.

 

Yeah, Im going to take her out somewhere really fun and show her a REALLY great time. That used to always work for me.

[ShySoul]

I was in the same place. And from the sound of things SkyFire, you are on the right track. The hardest thing to realize is that you can't fix it all for her. She has to make the final steps. All you can do is be there for her and be supportive, guide her along the way until she is ready to walk on her own. That doesn't mean baby her and shield her from things. But it means to be extra sensitive to her feelings and needs.

 

The fact that you have gone through the same things is good. It means you will be more understanding then most guys would be. You will be more patient with her and understand that its a process that takes time, not something that can happen overnight.

 

For what to do with her, its simply to treat her well and be supportive. When she feels down, cheer her up. Compliment her. Take her places and do things with her so that she has fun and doesn't get depressed. Volunteering is a great idea. For me personally, knowing that I made a difference in another person's life always makes me feel better about myself and helps my self esteem.

 

Also, keep an eye on you. It's easy to fall into the trap of wanting to be there for the person and trying to be the strong one all the time. But there will be time when you have your own problems or get frustrated with her. Then it is important to make sure she knows that it isn't her fault and that you still love her. You just need a little time to calm down. Always try to have open, honest communication about how each of you is feeling.

 

Good luck. I hope you can help her.

[darkblue]

I think, with time and effort (from both parties), she will realise what a considerate person you are.

These self-esteem problems could be deep routed in her experience, and may take some time to overcome - but you sound as if you can work through them, and I hope you can.

 

Best of luck.

[Darketernal]

You need to tell her that if he loves herself then she doesn't need any justification from the outside world. That she is loved by you for who she is and doesn't need to proof or change anything to receive that love. Tell her that she needs to start believing and supporting herself. That she should look more at the successes in her life. And that she should push harder on the pedal to give some resistance into other people's negative comments, and that because she can't satisfy everyone, she at least needs to start supporting and loving herself.