Lil R Posted February 1, 2006 Share Posted February 1, 2006 i love my boyf more than life itself and i was a virgin when i met him, i gave him my virginity...the thing is when we did it i didnt bleed...in his culture he told me they look at the sheets or something like that with blood on it...now i know he knows im a virgin casue we had so much trouble doing it cause it hurt me so much. When i was with my ex he tried it with me so many times i let him finger me and he lifted me up while it was in and it hurt me so much..when i came home i had brown discharge now im not sure it could of been anything else like i might of just come off my period but i told my boyf i bled. Now he says that he doesnt have my virginity my ex does and i hate my ex and i dont know what to do cause my boyfs exs gave thier virginty up to him but he doesnt think he has mine and he said that i mean so much to him like were going to move in together soon and i hate it that he doesnt think he has my virginity when to me i gave me myself to him. i dont know if im being so stupid but i feel so sad Link to comment
Tigris Posted February 1, 2006 Share Posted February 1, 2006 It's not you who's being stupid, it's him! It's his male ego! Take no notice of him. If he can't get over this minor problem then he's not the right person for you. Link to comment
DN Posted February 1, 2006 Share Posted February 1, 2006 Virginity is held by someone who has not had sexual intercourse. Not all women bleed because their hymen may have been previously broken through physical activity. The fingering may have caused it to break but that is not certain. The idea that a woman must bleed to prove virginity is very old fashioned and I think your boyfriend needs some educating to bring him up to date. I understand this is a cultural belief and it may be difficult for him to adjust but he is living in England and should make some adjustments and allowances for your culture as well as expecting you to understand his. Link to comment
annie24 Posted February 1, 2006 Share Posted February 1, 2006 Additionally, some women are not born with a hymen, or it may have broken earlier in life due to a sports injury. Or, the hymen can break with tampon use. Tell your boyfriend the medical facts about hymens. Link to comment
Relationship Coach Posted February 1, 2006 Share Posted February 1, 2006 DN is correct, you did not lose you virginity to your ex! If your BF really loves you, he will set aside these ancient cultural beliefs and accept the fact that he is your first. One question lingers at the back of my mind, do you hold his virginity? RC Link to comment
RayKay Posted February 1, 2006 Share Posted February 1, 2006 I agree, you should educate him about what virginity is, and how hymens being broken are not the definition of losing virginity. There are too many other ways they can be broken before you even reach your teens. There is also more to a sexual intimacy and commitment then being a virgin before you met anyway. It's seems to me a bit concerning he is so concerned about your virginity, when he is not one himself and has nevertheless "bragged" in a sense about taking his other ex's virginity. Makes me wonder really what his motives are and how much he truly believes it's important, or that it's more a control and ego thing for him. Link to comment
RayKay Posted February 1, 2006 Share Posted February 1, 2006 DN is correct, you did not lose you virginity to your ex! If your BF really loves you, he will set aside these ancient cultural beliefs and accept the fact that he is your first. One question lingers at the back of my mind, do you hold his virginity? RC I am guessing not if she said his ex's gave him theirs..at least that is what I read and commented on in my post above. cause my boyfs exs gave thier virginty up to him but he doesnt think he has mine Link to comment
DN Posted February 1, 2006 Share Posted February 1, 2006 DN is correct, you did not lose you virginity to your ex! If your BF really loves you, he will set aside these ancient cultural beliefs and accept the fact that he is your first. One question lingers at the back of my mind, do you hold his virginity? RC Apparently not since he claims to have had his ex's. I have to say that it is difficult for us as westerner's to fully understand that other cultures hold beliefs that we have long since discarded so I think it would be too easy to attack this guy for his upbringing. I would give him the benefit of that doubt anyway, although his statement about his other ex's virginity is a concern. Link to comment
Relationship Coach Posted February 1, 2006 Share Posted February 1, 2006 RayKay, I caught that, I was being sarcastic because what difference does it make because she is NOT holding his virginity. I'm glad you pointed that out though! I've heard of unusual collections before but this guy takes the cake! This seems to be an egotistical driven quest more than a cultural tradition. Puts a whole new spin on the swing group, Cherry Poppin' Daddies. Sorry I don't buy in to his crap. He needs to hold your respect more than anything. RC Link to comment
RayKay Posted February 1, 2006 Share Posted February 1, 2006 RayKay, I caught that, I was being sarcastic because what difference does it make because she is NOT holding his virginity. I'm glad you pointed that out though! I've heard of unusual collections before but this guy takes the cake! This seems to be an egotistical driven quest more than a cultural tradition. Puts a whole new spin on the swing group, Cherry Poppin' Daddies. Sorry I don't buy in to his crap. He needs to hold your respect more than anything. RC But, I agree. Link to comment
TheLegend Posted February 1, 2006 Share Posted February 1, 2006 it depends on how he defines "virgin". In those cultures, virgin is if the hymen is still intact. In this case the chances are your ex broke it. But in U.S., people define virgin as someone who didn't have sexual intercourse, not the hymen. Link to comment
annie24 Posted February 1, 2006 Share Posted February 1, 2006 But see, that's dumb. Some women are born without a hymen. So they are born not being virgins? Link to comment
TheLegend Posted February 1, 2006 Share Posted February 1, 2006 it might be dumb or not, that's the culture, I know girls who were born without hymens who cut themselves n make themselves bleed to the bed sheets to show their mother-in-laws that they're virgins. And in this situation, if the guy is brought up like that, it's not only him but it's the peer pressure. That's why I find it hard, intercultural relationships. Not always, but usually.. Link to comment
annie24 Posted February 2, 2006 Share Posted February 2, 2006 Gosh - but they are 17! Not even married. He is upset that he is 17 and this girl that he hasn't even proposed to "might not be a virgin?" Yuck. Link to comment
TheLegend Posted February 2, 2006 Share Posted February 2, 2006 oh yeah, 17, I just noticed that. Yeah, plus the boy said his ex's gave him their virginity.. That sounds stupid and not fair because in those cultures you wait until you're married to have sex also.. That means he's not telling everything and just using it I guess? I say watch out because there might be a chance he's looking for fun and nothing in long terms. That's what *I* think anyway. Link to comment
annie24 Posted February 2, 2006 Share Posted February 2, 2006 Yeah, maybe he just likes to collect girls' virginities. I don't know how much of a long-term prospect this man is. Link to comment
Lil R Posted February 2, 2006 Author Share Posted February 2, 2006 im 17 but hes not hes 23! we've been together for 2 years..i know that sounds so wrong but he doesnt or act like a 23 year old and i dont think marriage has anything to do with us loosing our virginity or whatever..but he just mentioned the culture thing when we did it...i dont really know what to say now Link to comment
Lil R Posted February 2, 2006 Author Share Posted February 2, 2006 oh and yeah hes not into his culture but he was wondering why i didnt bleed we've had so many arguments because i dont have his and he exspects me to deal with it when hes the first guy ive slept with and he wont except it Link to comment
RayKay Posted February 2, 2006 Share Posted February 2, 2006 If he won't accept you for whom you are, and trust you, it may be a good idea to walk away from this guy hon...I have a feeling he may use this against you many times over and over. Rather hypocritical you have to "just deal with (him not being a virgin)" but he can't accept that your hymen was broken NOT through sexual intercourse. Why can't he "deal with it" too? Link to comment
Lil R Posted February 2, 2006 Author Share Posted February 2, 2006 i know i know thats so true we've spoken about it so many times but he never has thrown that in my face its when ive mentioned it he just says i never took it your ex did and stuff like that he trusts me and everything were very close hes living with my aunty at the moment so my family are very close to him too. Link to comment
dax321 Posted February 3, 2006 Share Posted February 3, 2006 He is in the wrong and it is sad he is brain washed by culture beliefs.. If he means that much to you the only thing I can think of(hate to tell you this) Take him to his Church and tell him there that he took you virginity and that you need him to love you.. If he does not give you the highest repect after that then u know he is not worth much! Link to comment
sleeplessin1977 Posted February 6, 2006 Share Posted February 6, 2006 Lil R, When I lost my virginity, I did not bleed either. Instead my inner skin bled when I was experimenting when I was being fingered way back when. And believe me, when I did have intercourse for the first time, It hurt like the * * * *ens. I couldn't sit down for a week. I immediately called my best friend up whom had previously lost hers. She told me that she bled and how much it hurt her.....A whole week.....just like with me. She told me that medically a woman does not lose her virginity until she has intercourse. But now onto that boyfriend it sounds like all he is interested in getting is females virginity ..... is he really worth all this worrying about? He seems like a creep to me. I wasn't a virgin when my fiancee first met me, but he loved me as tho I were one. He is the first person to whom I gave something more precious than virginity to, I gave him my love....my heart.....and a son. He respects me for me, not because of my physics. Link to comment
TheLegend Posted February 6, 2006 Share Posted February 6, 2006 She told me that medically a woman does not lose her virginity until she has intercourse. Medically speaking it's when the hymen breaks that the female is considered non virgin, doesn't matter if she has intercourse or not. But as far as beliefs go, it's usually when you have intercourse that you lose your virginity. He is the first person to whom I gave something more precious than virginity to, I gave him my love....my heart.....and a son. He respects me for me, not because of my physics. I agree, and I also agree that, that guy doesn't seem like he's worth it. Link to comment
Frajhav Posted February 18, 2006 Share Posted February 18, 2006 hes a moron,dump hem -.- to love you is to love who u are not by virginity or who u had sex withbefore hem Link to comment
Mr. Jones Posted February 18, 2006 Share Posted February 18, 2006 this guy is not worth your time...what right does he have to confront you about your virginity? when he has apparently already lost his I also agree with many of the other posters on the issue regarding him as a "virginity taker"...I'd say dump him and move on. Link to comment
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