can't see any other way out

[james21]

everything is wrong. i don't have any friends anymore, i am madly in love with a girl who is not interested, my studies have gone out the window, my drinking out of control.

i have chosen a reliable method and am just waiting for the right time, don't want to screw this up too. i'm just so empty.

[healinginnyc81]

hey, I'm so sorry to hear how you feel. Please give yourself a chance. There are always other options. Please talk to a counselor. They can help you see what you can't see right now because you're depressed. I've been there. I know you can't see that there's hope, but if you talk to a counselor and explain your situation, I'm sure they can show you that there is hope.

[Mrocza]

I think posting on here says a little bit about your situation that's perhaps not mentioned in your brief post.

 

You don't really want to end things. People are empty all the time. Heck, I go through depression on and off so frequently it drives myself and my family up the walls. Despite all I've been through- personal trauma and loss, drifting apart from almost all of friends, falling behind in my studies completely because of my depression, etc, I know that deep down inside, no matter how bad it gets there is no "reliable method" to fix it that isn't ME.

 

Maybe your life seems like it's in the dumps. You feel lost, unmotivated, lonely, angry, sad, all in one and it's over whelming. There is another way out. Do you honestly value yourself and your life so little to give up over a few rough bumps in the road?

 

Wouldn't you want to look back and be proud of your perseverence and strength and think "Wow, I was dealt a REALLY bad hand and I was close to giving up but I did pull through it".

 

In the end, you control your life. You can alter or direct your destiny. You need to help yourself first, then help your situation. Friends come and go, so do girls. A little bit of effort and your studies will come right back up and you'll realize alcohol is not something you want as a crutch because you are self sufficient.

 

I don't know what happened in your life but you just sound lost. You just have to fight hard to see beyond the thick cloud of grey- fight hard. If you REALLY want it, you'll get it.

[Relationship Coach]

James,

You are here for a good reason and that reason will save your life as well as your soul. Everything is wrong? Like what? What can be so bad in life that you are willing to give up the world's most precious gift?

 

No friends, sorry bad excuse, you just walked onto friendship lane. You will meet some of the warmest of hearts right here on ENA. We all care about each other and support each other without prejudice.

 

Unrequited Love? Look around, read, you are not alone. There are no mass suicides of ENA subscribers.

 

Bad Grades? Unfortunate but not the end of the world.

 

Drinking problem, pull up a stool, there are hundreds of ENA bartenders right here to listen to you and help you.

 

A reliable method of suicide doesn't prevent those left behind from hurting. People are dying every day in the course of a normal day. People are dying to protect others and what they believe in. Others are dying because their bodies have been ravaged by cancer and other terminal diseases. How many people want to live, raise your hand! Sorry James you are out numbered, we can give you more reasons to live than you can give us to selfishly tale your own life.

 

Hang around and wait, others will respond soon....wanna bet?

 

RC

[Tigris]

A couple of years ago I too had everything planned. I even wrote a note for my husband. I'm pleased I didn't do it now because i've met a wonderful woman and have asked her to marry me and she said, 'Yes!' I'm the happiest person in the world!

 

I know things are looking bad for you right now but try and focus on the future. Think of things you want to achieve. Places you'd like to visit. Anything that will give you hope.

 

It took me a long time to get out of the depression. I succeeded by taking each hour as it came until I could progress onto each day at a time. Eventually the days turned into weeks and then months. You too can do this it just needs determination.

 

Please take care of yourself.

[coollady1957]

James21,

I am sorry to hear of your troubles. I can see that you are lost and feel you have no where to turn but to end it all. Please do NOT do that. There is always a way to pull yourself up and out. Just curious what is your age James?

All of us here at eNotAlone, are you friends. Sure you cant see us in person, but regardless, we are here for you and will help you any way that we can. If you need to be here every hour for comfort and bouncing you feelings off of us, please do so. There are many available sources for counseling which I encourage you to pursue as soon as possible.

Feel free to talk to us in more depth about your problems to the extent you are comfortable to do so.

Many of us here have been completely at rock bottom , so we know how you feel on certain aspects. Keep telling yourself there is nothing in the world that could happen that you cant overcome, and that you are going to be ok.

You have come here because you have realized you need help and I truly dont believe you would want to end it all. We all encounter those times in our lives where there are alot of hurdles to overcome. Sometimes they seem to all fall on us at once.

IN my own situation, I have never contemplated ending my life. But many times I have wondered why in the world my life seems to be such a mess. I take a day at a time, and sometimes an hour at a time. I went through the sudden death of my husband, I lost the business we had, my children grew up and left home, my son deployed to Iraq, I lost my home and most of my possessions, filed bankruptcy, just came out of a relationship with a cheating BF, am fighting high blood pressure and cholesterol, and the list goes on and on. I wake up some days and feel like just going back to bed and hibernating.

But I get up , and my brain thinks, OUCH !!! ,,Life is really sucking for me right now. You are feeling that OUCH, in life right now. But you can heal and get your life back in order. Please message us anytime here. Take care and keep in contact with us here.

[valenski]

I think there is no reason for one to take their life, no matter how bad things get. Whatever hole you've found yourself in you can dig yourself out of but you have to be willing to fight, giving up is how cowards deal with their failures, learn to use frustrations to motivate you. As for friends, there are lots a ways to find friends especially on the net, people who think no one cares most times overlook those that will miss them darely.

 

Taking flowers to your grave sight cant make up for you not being here.

[1babylove]

James,

 

I am sorry that you feel so lost and lonely. I too have moments of depression. I've at one point in my life had to have my stomach pumped because I tried to overdose. No one is worth it. truly, you are worth so much more. You mentioned studies, at a university? Having recently graduated and worked on campuses, there are outlets. You came here for help. Now the next step is to go there. To not only reach out here but reach out to the resources right in front of you.

 

Pleas feel free to contact me. I really would like to talk to you more about your thoughts. The world would be a loss if you were to do act on your thoughts.

[james21]

i was studying but i am dropping out of my course but mentally i can't do it, my motivation is shot. i've tried, believe me, but then i think, oh have a drink and start tomorrow.

 

basically i am not a nice person, when it comes down to it. this girl, sometimes i think i would be happy if i could just hold and squeeze her with both of us be lovey together, and then i imagine holding her down and giving her a beating for all the pain shes caused me. if i could get away with it i probably would. this scares me, what i could become.

 

i can't think of any good points of myself, i'm very self centred and vain and i don't want to grow old and end up like a sad, old caricature (spelling?) of meself. and yes i'm a coward, which is probably where the violent and suicide tendencies stem from- if i can't do it why should anyone else have it.

 

i think everyone should be euthenised at 60 and i don't care what my family think about me- i won't be here after all, the ultimate in cowardly self centredness.

 

thats it- all in the open now. i'm here to be shot down, somebody tell me to go ahead.

[Mrocza]

You know I think you're focusing too much on the negative aspects, which is often easier than trying to look up (This I know from experience)

 

Yes, you're unmotivated but only you can change that. Make some goals for yourself, get some ambitions. I know it's easier to sometimes procrastinate and delay doing things because I've done it times too, but you need to get up off your * * * * and start DOING.

 

Drinking is a problem. You've realized that, but you still continue to turn to drinking because it's a comfortable escape to you and it's EASY. It's your crutch and it's working to help you escape your problems but at what price? Isn't it worse the morning after when reality sets in? You need to face reality- you have to accept it. Drinking will only further handicap you.

 

Your relationship with your girl and your family sounds strange but there's obvious a lot more behind the story that can explain the anger, tension, aggression and abusive tendencies. You need to figure out whats going on or what went on and figure out who you are.

 

Perhaps you have done some stupid things in your past that make you hate yourself but it's not reason to punish yourself now. You are not your mistakes. You're self centred and vain? People who are so don't realize they are, or won't admit to it. These are all excuses, or you trying to change the direction of your own personal truth.

 

You want a reason to be shot down? LOL You'd have to try a lot harder.

[Relationship Coach]

James,

We are not here to shoot you down or dare you to end your life. Why do you think this site offers a forum that deals with suicide? We are here to help and we also understand that those that are threatening suicide are not often in the best frame of mind to listen to reason. You can list all of the excuses in the world as to why you should do this but none of them are justifiable. You have multiple issues that need to be addressed your anger and drinking are at the top of the list.

 

You are fairly young to be giving up on life so easily and what is at the basis for your hatred for those in their 60's? You paint a bleak future of yourself because you are not happy right now but that does not mean happiness will never come to you. Not that you would consider it but a counselor could really help you deal with some of your issues. I don't think you are a coward, I think you are simply misunderstood by those closest to you and that hurts you. How long have you felt like this?

 

RC

[james21]

i don't hate people over 60, i just think old age and all the deterioration with it is depressing. i have seen enough elderly relatives die in hospital, usually lonely confused and in pain. i don't want to fall apart like that.

if i had kids i would not kill myself, no way, but i'm not good enough to be a parent so its not an issue. i dont feel i owe anyone anything. i have been depressed for 9 years now, a long time for someone in their mid 20's.

 

i have chosen a quick painless exit but if i change my mind i can stop halfway through in case i'm wrong. i don't fancy blowing my brains out, quite apart from the 5 year stretch i get if i'm caught with a gun. if i lived in the US, i would definitely be dead by now, thinking about that. land of free choice!

[coollady1957]

You mentioned that your studies are suffereing and I wouldnt normally agree with dropped school, but you said that you cant handle it right now. So the dropping the studies might be best for now, rather than flunking out. That takes one worry off you. I dont see anything , unless i missed it, about whether you work or not. If not, maybe you can find a job, which will give you something to do , and also meet new people. Who knows you might meet a nice woman out there. Try and get yourself some help on the drinking. It can destroy you. I feel you have some much potential for your life, if you can just find a way to see that you are worth something in this life.

Do you have any family that can be of support to you and help you out of this hole you have gotten yourself in?

I have told myself so many times and I firmly believe that even the worst scenario of problems in our lives has a solution. There might not be a quick fix to everything, but working on it day by day will get you there. I hope you can starting thinking more positively about yourself and the future. I sincerely feel that you do not want to leave this world just yet. THere is too much fun out there to be had.

[Relationship Coach]

James,

My parents are in their early 70's and my grandmother is 95, all are in great health and very active. The fact that bodies wear out is a part of our life cycle. If you could take a pill that would keep you 100% healthy and let you live forever and never age past 60, would you take it? How we live our lives often dictates our rewards as we grow older. I never thought when I was your age that I would ever want kids. I knew the hell I put my family through when I was in high school and college. Today, I have a 4 1/2 month old son and a 12 year old son who is the focal point of my life along with my wife. Seeing them grow, progress and develop their own personalities along with some scary similarities they share with me, it's an amazing thing. Don't sell yourself short on missing out on parenthood.

 

Your depression is something that many deal with on a daily basis, some more severe than others. Suicidal thoughts are normal at times in bouts of depression but many realize suicide is not the answer. In research I have done on suicide, many give themselves an out but often that out backfires. There is nothing wrong with changing your mind and deciding that you are going to take control of your life rather than taking your life. I'm here pretty much everyday and if you prefer you can PM me anytime. I can swap stories, scars and lessons learned in life with you whenever you feel the need. Take care.

 

RC

[Dako]

i think everyone should be euthenised at 60.

 

If you become king of the world, could you bump that age up a bit? From my point of view that's a bit early, and I'd like to meet a new lady someday who may just be over 60.

 

As you get older you really do value life more, not from a desparate fear of death, but the world actually seems richer. I'm coping with divorce at 53 and narrowly escaped ending life 5 months ago. I had such a powerful rush of feelings I just couldn't cope with living.

 

5 months later I'm still sad, but with this forum's help my life has improved a lot. When you're down, come here, vent, and listen. Nothing helps more than talking to others who've been there. This forum is full of experts on heartbreak.

[MI_Shell]

When you feel bad about yourself it is not because you are actually a bad person but because there are things about yourself that you don't like and want to change. Part of finding the true you is to work on those things so that you can actually become the whole and true person that you were designed and destined to be. Inside you know that there should be so much more to your life than what you are experiencing now which can be very frustrating but it is a journey that requires patience to discover the truth of yourself. It is a lie to believe that you are not worthy of life and learning from your troubles.

You may be under too much pressure and need a rest from your studies. Do some things that relax you and give yourself time. Don't put your mind on self destructive things because this is just allowing you to be robbed of good things that you can have if you stay open to possibilities.

I am saying these things because I care. As I know how painful life can be but how we must stand up to depressive thoughts and refuse to take this lying down. YOU deserve to live and have a good life.