When does it end?.....

[troublegal05]

It's been exactly 3 months today since the break up with my ex, and I still find myself crying at night...I dont know what the hell is wrong with me..I've been trying soo hard to just let it go and to rid him from my life..it just seems like everywhere I go and everything I do reminds me of him...and i'm soo sick of it. Is it normal to still feel the pain so strongly after 3 months? I feel like i'm only getting worse and I've tried everything to better myself...I got rid of everything I had that reminded me of him, got out of the house so I wouldnt dwell too much on what happened, called my friends, journaled my feeling, I even got a new haircut and some new clothes to better my self esteem...But no matter what I do I feel sad... I mean, what more can I do? I just feel so helpless...I find myself spiraling down hill... Has anyone been through a simlilar situation as myself? and how did u get through this sad situation...Its just I'm a very private, guarded person and he was my first b/f who I shared everything with...He became my best friend and now its like..life is empty w/o him.. I dont know how much longer I can keep this whole no contact thing...I'm afraid I might break nc and end up hurting myself even more with a simple phone call...What should I do???

[Peckle]

I've had a kind of similar situation. This girl who used to work at my movie store I was stongly attracted to, for a reason I still don't know. Then, when I went to rent my weekly movie (which started happening when she worked there) she just wasn't there. I went back later that week, so unless she missed a week a of work, since the days I went on were the two different shifts, then she doesn't work there. I was really sad for a couple weeks, and then all the sudden it's like she drifted out of subconscience, she hadn't came to mind for about a week until I read this. So, I think, that eventually, you'll just naturally get over him. Sort of like how when you're sick, when you get better you don't really realize it until someone points it out.

[sweetheart230]

You'll be ok. I kind of know what you're going through. I had a tough time getting over my ex. It was very rough for me and I thought about him a lot and cried a lot. I didn't even know I had that many tears! But, it does pass. For me, it came in waves. But the thing is, I didn't want to be stuck in a perpetual state of sadness forever. I started making new friends, picking up new hobbies, going to bookstores. I focused on myself at the moment and improving myself. I focused on my classes at school (I took an acting class in college and that really helped get some emotions out). I focused on my artwork, also. Long hours in the studio helped pass the time and helped keep my mind off of him. I read a lot of books and snuggled up with my dogs. I learned to enjoy the moment I was in. I havn't forgotten the past...I think its important to learn from it. But I know there's a lot of life ahead of me and I knew it would pass me by if I kept crying in bed (which I did an awful lot of).

 

What do you enjoy doing? Do you do volunteer work? Are you in school? One thing I've learned is EVERY girl has one guy that they lose their heart to...and most of the time make a fool out of themselves for. You are not alone. And it takes some time to get over. But it will get better with time if you make the decision to move forward. The thing about feelings is that they go away, even the really bad ones.

 

So basically focus on yourself. What are some things you have wanted to try? Try them now. What are hobbies you enjoy doing? Do them. Be absorbed in the world, because there's a lot of great stuff happening out there. You take small steps, keep your eye on the ball, look forward, and one day you turn around and realize how much progress you've made on getting over him.

[deejay74]

First of all, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. we all feel this way and it's the toughest when it's your first love. it took me almost a year to completely get over my first love. so know that you're not alone.

 

take pride in trying to cope, you've been doing everything you can think of to better yourself, but if you feel that it's not working, i encourage you to see a therapist. they are professionals and they can help you get to the root of the issue and to help you out. don't be embarrassed if you do go to one. many people on here do, including myself, and i am so happy that i am seeing one. she has put new perspectives and new techniques on my situation that i wouldn't have thought of before, so please consider it.

 

hang in there...

[LiquidCherry]

I've been exactly where you are. I cried every day for 8 months when my high school sweetheart broke up with me. He was my frist love too and I was just so hurt. You're doing some really good things though. Taking steps to get over someone is progress and you're doing everything you can. Keep doing what your doing and I promise you, eventually you will come out of this feeling not only better but stronger as well.

[troublegal05]

thanx everyone for sharing your advice and experiences with me, it's really helped me to realize that everyone does go through similar situations that I'm going through now and that hopefully It will pass with some time....

[Relationship Coach]

TG05,

 

I'm very sorry you are hurting, we all feel your pain and the majority of us know it all too well. Time will make a difference and 3 months is a great start! The NC needs to continue, you certainly don't want to go back. You see you have started healing, you just don't see it yet. It's hard to notice the positives when we are stuck longing for what has hurt us so bad. Now understanding what has caused you so much pain is actually more important than trying to figure out why you miss him still. The usual things we miss and long for are obvious but what you need to realize is that you don't want him back because you would always be leery of him hurting you again. The relationship would not be the same, the innocence has been robbed from it and you would be looking for something that is no longer there. Trust me, many people here have moved on once they realized that they were hurt in the past and it's not worth going back there. The future is full of happiness, get beyond the past and you will see. You are being mean by denying the men out there an opportunity to get to know you.

 

RC

[troublegal05]

RC,

 

thanx for your advice, Its really made me think alot about why it is we broke things off....and I guess i'm slowly starting to relize that things arent all that bad...

[Hunny1607307342]

I personally find mornings hard as opposed to nights. I find that throughout the day I can gather my thoughts together, make sense of everything, accept, forget, and somehow come to a fuzzy conclusion. But then I wake up again, and everything starts all over again. I have to go through the same process. Over and over and over. It'll go away though, I know it will. That's what makes everything ok. So you'll be fine too. It happens to ALL of us, and don't be scared that it's been 3 months and you're still not over him, because U will! U cry a river, build a bridge, and walk over it - yours is just a big river