Should I accept this date?

[Celadon]

I just got asked out and I don't know if I should say yes.

 

He's a nice guy, and I wouldn't mind hanging out with him as a friend (which we've never done), but I do NOT want to get his expectations up. For a couple of reasons, I don't see us ever getting together. We don't have any chemistry, for one thing.

 

Should I e-mail him back and tell him no? Should I say yes, but tell him I only think about us as friends? Should I ask him if he means this to be a date, or if he's just wanting to hang out?

 

Advice please! THANKS!

[musicguy]

I would tell him the truth and say "So and so, thanks for asking me out, but I just like you as a friend, but I would still like to hang out with you"

[RayKay]

Be compassionate, but honest and firm and let him know you are not interested in him romantically.

 

Let him decide whether he is fine being "just friends" or not, and if he is, be very careful about leading him on...meaning no solo dates, or date-like things.

 

Treat him with respect and care, but don't go out with him just because he is a nice guy, if you already feel that you are not interested and there is no chemistry.

[DN]

It is very difficult to remove all hope that a romantic relationship might develop. Unless you feel you really, really want him as a friend and are sure you can express that without hurting his feelings about not wanting a relationship, I would decline as gracefully as you can.

[Celadon]

You guys are completely awesome. Thanks for responding so fast, I really appreciate it. I definitely don't want to hurt this guy, so it sounds like being clear and upfront -- as gently as possible -- is the best approach.

 

The dating 'waters' are so tricky to navigate aren't they? It's easy to create hard feelings by being unclear. As I've grown older I've started feeling more comfortable just talking with guys one-on-one, but I guess I need to be aware that it might encourage someone's expectations if I'm not careful.

 

Thanks again.

[Relationship Coach]

KKool,

Reverse the roles here, how would you want to be told? Be honest and very much up front with him. Tell him you would love to hang out with him but only if he understands that it is as friends. You are not looking or ready for a relationship right now. If he understands fully, then go out have fun and get to know him. Good friends are hard to fine and sometimes come from the strangest places.

 

RC

[Celadon]

Yup, it's true, RC. You never know where your good friends are going to come from!

 

So I e-mailed him back and let him know that IF he meant to go out as friends, I'd enjoy hanging out with him. But if it's a date, I would have to pass. I asked him to let me know if he still wants to go out as friends. I think I was as kind, compassionate and honest as I possibly could be. patting self on back

 

Thanks again for your help and advice!