I have a problem with mantaining friendship

[tkdmask]

First of all, i have many friends. I portray myself as weak and obedient infront of my friends. I listen to them to much. I take some of them out to eat on me. I do alot of stupid things like that. I think they could be using me because of my nice car, (2002 grand am se). For example. Yesterday i told my friend to wait for me in his basement, and that i was coming over at midnight. I went over to my other friends house and spent the night there. I did not have acess to a phone for it would be rude for me to use it at my friends house. Although my friend said "my house is like your house". My other friend who i promised to come over and visit, stayed up till 3 am waiting for me. he was mad that i did not show up we were supposed to hang out. i told him that i could not have access to a phone etc. He told me, "i am about to say that i dont want to have anything to do with you." Although i took him out for 2 nights cruising down first ave so he could pick up women, and i wasted a tank of gas doing that, never the less i took him all over cedar rapids iowa so he could visit his friends etc. He nearly busted the subs in my car when he played his cd's so loud, etc. He always takes advantage of me. Sometimes i take advantage of him, but now he takes advantage of me. He has a weak character, and is picked on alot, but he seems to be in control of me. He is making a lawsuit to sue mci worldcom. He told me last night, "if you want me to forgive you, wright me my prosecution letter to the courthouse." I said, "ok". you see i am stupid. i dont know how to be in control of friends. I feel bad all the time and stupid. how could someone with my very good looks and my nice cars, nice house, and populaur dad who is a big shot in the community belittle himself to his friends. I need help on this please! I am to god da'mn nice! I need to be a man. I really need help .

[foreverurz23]

what i think you really need to do in your case is to sit back and think to yor self for a while on this topic. you need to pick out the good from the bad and then relize who your real friends are. what if something were to happen, i mean something that would show you who your real friends were. take like a car accident, a real friend would stay byyour side through the whole thing and really know what you needed through the situation. you relly need to get out and find a group of friends that wont take advanage of how nice you really are becuase thats the way you are and there is nothing that is really going to change that. somewere out there that is going to be come really handy to you and you need to keep that. there may be a girl/guy out there that needs that support that you are willing to give, you need to put your foot down and say your not going to take sh*t like that no more.

good luck

~foreverurz23~

[tkdmask]

Thank you so much man. I am not gay. Just to get that out of the way. You make sense. If i got in an accident or something i know majority of them would come running to my side. But there is always those few people in life that put you through hell. They want you to take them places in your new car etc. For example. When i first got my car, a friend of mine who i just met that day said, "let me drive it, please!" I said, "i cant the insurance only insures me, plus you dont have your license, hell, you dont even have your permit, " he said, "just let me take it around the parking lot," so i let him. He started the car to long and i could hear the sickening sparking of my engine. That really pissed me off. Then he started the wipers on a dry day. then he drove like a mad man around the lot. Again and again he would go around. Boy was i mad. I told him to get out of the car, and he said, "come on let me drive it downtown." I said, "no man, you ruined my car, get out." my other friends backed me up. Later that day he said, "let me drive it, let me drive it, it was awesome" i said "no" he was persistent. then one of my friends yelled at him, "HE SAID NO!" so the guy shutup. Then he took out my binoculars from my car and started looking at houses and women jogging. I told him to give it back, but he took off. I got them back. but anyway he said, before you go back home, let me have either you car for 1,000 dollars or your binoculars. i said no.

 

i went home and he started making fun of me. I am to nice and i dont like it!

[secret_agent_man]

Sounds like you really do need to re-evaluate your friends. Sometimes even the closest friends can be disrespectful at times, but never all the time...

 

Don't allow yourself to associate with people like this. It's aweful for your self esteem, and it's just going to get worse. Take a stand and do it for yourself. There are plenty of people who could care less what kind of car you drive and petty things like that. Surround yourself with people like that.

 

8)

S.A.M.

[Lifeweb]

You need to reevaluate more then your friends. You need to reevaluate you. Why do you let yourself hang around with people who treat you badly? Where does that come from?

 

Is your father, a big shot in the community not around often? Does this lead you to seek approval from any other peer you can? Do you need to feel good through the approval of others? These are not healthy things and if not dealt with they are thing that will destroy any future friendship or relationship you have.

 

Ultimately that lack of being able to hang onto a worthshile relationship will also widdle away at your self esteem and self worth. This will make you want approval from others even more. As you search for more approval that you won't be able to get you will create more realtionships that are unhealthy and cause more pain for yourself. Before you know it you will be on a path to self destruction. So be careful.

 

It doesn't matter how nice your car is, how much money you have or how many friends you have... you are human. Same as someone with no money, a crappy car and no friends. As a human you have very human emotions and problems. Money offers you no protection against these things, neither does a high society father. In fact many times these things can add even more pressure.

 

Beware of people that use you. Beware of people who give you a bad feeling in your stomach when you're around them. You're body might be trying to tell you "this guy is bad", ignore it and you will pay later. Intuition is powerful.

 

Why are you so nice? You need others. You need to feel loved and you need to feel like you're worth something. You need to feel as though you're as good as your car, house, money and father. Young man be careful with your life... you only get to live it once. Don't waste it on others who wouldn't be there for you if you needed them.

 

If tomorrow were your day to die, your friends would not take your place. They would not die for you. So then why, today, on your day to live, do you let them live for you?

 

I suggest counciling for yourself, but if you are unable to do that because of your father, insecurities, etc. get some self help books and learn to build yourself up to be a better person without others. Learn to be a strong individual. If you learn that you will be a much better friend and a much happier person.

[glassbell]

Everyone in this topic has already said a lot of wise and useful things.

 

I would like to add that my intuition tells me that ultimately, you are afraid to be left alone (abandoned). In order to not have your friends leave you alone, you are trying to gain their friendship and love. Your fear to be left alone is so big, that you'd do anything to have your 'friends' stay attached to you. That is why you're even letting them walk all over you and make use of you and your belongings.

 

If this is true (it is just a guess, perhaps you think I'm all wrong), you'll need to realize that if a person does not truly care for you, he/she won't care for you a bit more even if you drive them around all the States in an MG! They will use you for a while and pretend to be your friend, but there is nothing you can do to prevent they'll leave you someday anyway.

 

So ultimately, like the others in this topic told you, you'll want to divide the real friends from the users. You don't need to be afraid that your real friends will abandon you, so you can be confident and relax in real friendships with them and at some point you'll notice you're actually just a real strong individual, with your own will, radiating confidence and without even noticing it, attracting new, true friends!

 

hope this helps. wish you loads of luck

~glassbell