People finding out

[Erk]

Hey,

 

People are beginning to find out that I am bisexual/gay. Today at lunch, one guy from my third class (which is right after lunch), came up to me and asked me if I was gay, like as if from nowhere. It was random. I then said, "No". He then said "Your not lieing?", and I started to become very nervous and quickly said, "Bi!". Then he asked me if he was hot. (He actually was pretty cute), and I said "No". Then he left and I was like "What the hell.."

 

Then, we took our exams in our third class and on a few questions, I started zoning out and thinking about what will people react if they knew. He told everyone at his table and he was laughing at me with this other guy from my first class who sits accross from me in my first class. Then he told his friend and everyone at his table started to find out. (One of them knew already, my friend.) Then the table beside them found out and I overheard the conversation. Nothing bad being said, thank god.

 

I could care less if people knew, I just don't want them to make fun of me or anything. Half of the class found out and I am anxious because I'm thinking about what my conversation will be with the boy who sits accross from me in the morning.

 

Does anyone have like tips on how to survive or how to act if someone starts asking you questions? I don't want to feel uncomfortable if more people find out.

[KIDD]

Well I see that your 14. School can be an awkward time for people at your age, especially for people who are finding out who they are. I think deep down it deals with being comfortable in your own skin & not caring what people think. It's hard I know!! Still at this phase.Unfortunately you can't control how everyone will view you. There will be some people who'll laugh at you (The immature ones!), there will be people who don't care & will still talk to you, & there will be people who will look at you differently. In all I think you should just focus on the people who won't laugh at you or judge you & focus on the ones that's going to be there for you. The ones that turn away & laugh aren't worth your time anyway. I think coming out would be a good thing. It's a load off of your chest & I find most people to be more accepting this day & age anyway!We still have a long way to go though! Pretending to be someone your not, especially in Middle School & High School can be so hard & I have alot of regrets. I wish I was comfortable enough when I was in High School to be honest with myself & let people know who I really am. I was too focused on what people thought about me... Still AM!

 

Oh yeah, one last thing... Maybe it's just me, don't look too much into this.The guy who asked you if you were gay & then proceeded to ask you if he was hot. It sounds like he was hitting on you. That's how I see it, I don't know if anyone else does. I find it weird for a straight guy to ask another guy if you found him hot..

[RayKay]

My brother came out when he was still in high school, after a few years of confusion and acting out, and he felt so much better (and was so much easier to live with too!). Of course, people would make comments at times to him however, since he was also very confident in whom he was, he learned to take it in stride and let them know that was not cool. Takes away their power when you show them you are fine with it...and heck if you were the one to come out, that just shows you are fine with whom you are.

 

Anyway, my brother had one particular retort-type for guys whom would say stupid comments. One instance was of a guy whom was saying as he was going by "ewwww, I think he's checking me out....gross". My brother put on his best "cliche impression" (which is really not him!) and said "Honey, you are definitely not my type...and I would not check you out if you were the only guy within a 500 mile radius". Shut him up pretty quick. Well, the antagonizer did, while his friends laughed at him.

 

I would just nip it in the bud, if you are FINE with coming out now, then do so. If anyone asks, say yes, I am, I just was not ready to come out to the world yet, but now it is here, that is fine. Or, if you don't want to discloce it yet, just retort with "are you straight?".

 

Bottom line is, if you are comfortable with whom you are, it does not matter what others say ultimately. I mean of course it does, but you realize that they are just being idiots, and that helps you get through it a lot easier. Of course, this does not happen overnight, takes some time, but just fake it until you believe it

 

Those whom are your true friends will remain true friends, those whom aren't will show their true colours, and you only deserve to have the best around you anyway.

[Prufrock06]

That's great that you feel you could care less about what other people think about your sexuality! It shows a lot of confidence and personal strength that are crucial for this period of your life, when you're starting to come to terms with who you are and accept yourself.

 

Now you're going to find out who your real friends are: those who stick with you and support you and don't really care who you're sexually/emotionally attracted to. The rest of them, those who laugh at you or whisper behind your back or blatantly make fun of you are yokels, and not even worth your brain power to care about. They were really only your friends because you conformed to some idea of what their friends should be like -- forget them.

 

So if someone asks you and you feel comfortable being honest: be honest. Don't make a big scene about it, but just answer the question as you would any other question like, "Are you fourteen years old?" or "Is it true that you live in Maryland?" etc. etc. The less you make it seem like a big deal through getting nervous and afraid, the less it will have that effect on others. In fact, they may be impressed by how casually and clearly you answered their question -- because in asking you, what they try and do sometimes is put you on the spot.

 

Good luck!

[FoxLocke]

People are beginning to find out that I am bisexual/gay. Today at lunch, one guy from my third class (which is right after lunch), came up to me and asked me if I was gay, like as if from nowhere. It was random. I then said, "No". He then said "Your not lieing?", and I started to become very nervous and quickly said, "Bi!". Then he asked me if he was hot. (He actually was pretty cute), and I said "No". Then he left and I was like "What the hell.."

 

 

lol, this part made me laugh a little. I went through this samething when I was 14. I was asked whether I was gay or not on a regular basis.

I think the guy in question was either...

A.) has a crush on you and might be up for "experimentation" or

B.) He might have been trying to set you up for humiliation or something.

 

Anyway, I would not read too much into it; However, I know that Junior High/Highschool can be hell. Everyone wants to fit in with their peers and etc. I think it is really COOL that you are so comfortable with your sexuality at this point. When I was 14 I was desperately trying to change my sexuality...

 

Anyway, if I were you I would look to hang out with other people who will accept you for who you are and not care about your sexuality. Highschool is such a tumultous time(I know from personal experience)and any cool friends you can latch onto that like you, regardless, cling to them.

[Meow18]

If you are comfortable with telling people, then tell them. That is totally up to you. If you don't want to answer them, just say "I don't think it makes any difference. Believe what you want, but don't judge me unless you really know me."

 

Unfortunantly people can be cruel. And I think high school is the worst time for that. Some people will be completely supportive of your sexuality, but there will always be certain people who don't "approve" and they might say things. Who knows why people do that. I mean, what difference does your sexuality make? Nothing more than it would if you were straight.

 

Some people just can't handle other people not being just like them. They can't handle guy's being attracted to other guy's because it's not what's "normal" to them.

 

The most important thing in your situation is to be comfortable with who you are. And it seems like you are. You are who you are and you can't help what you are attracted to. There is nothing wrong with being gay or bisexual. It doesn't make you a bad person. It doesn't make you stupid. It doesn't mean you should be treated any differently. What you are attracted to has little to do with anything. You are still you no matter what or who you are attracted to.

 

If someone gives you a hard time about this, then try hard to ignore it. The only people who's opinions matter are the people who really really know you. And the people who really know you aren't going to judge you off of what you are attracted to. They are going to see you for the real person you are.

[Max Jax]

It is hard to be gay in HS. I am Bi, I have many friends that are in the LGBT community.. I am not gonna tell you its not gonna be hard. HS always is, and for gay kids its just a bit rougher.

 

Hook up with your local LGBT center. They are awesome and can help you out a ton!!

 

They have this site about coming out. It is helpful.

link removed

 

Be proud and confident to be who you are.. Seriously look into local gay centers near you. They can hook you up with people that have been there and know how to handle stuff when its rough, and with people that are going through the same thing. It really helped me a LOT through HS.

 

One thing I do gotta say is I dunno if your out to family.. But tell them FIRST. They are the hardest to tell and the ones most hurt if they hear it through hear-say. Then tell your close friends. I had one friend that I just couldn't tell because her views.. She found out, and was really hurt I didn't tell her.. And the good thing is her views have changed now too.

[Erk]

(I am more headed towards gay then bisexual. I know that I am not in denial of myself, it is usually easier to come out as bisexual, and I sort of feel guilty for that but I had to make some kind of lie so that I could remain with my girlfriend. After that, I did know that I was certainly more gay.)

 

Thanks all for the comments, too.

 

lol, this part made me laugh a little. I went through this samething when I was 14. I was asked whether I was gay or not on a regular basis.

I think the guy in question was either...

A.) has a crush on you and might be up for "experimentation" or

B.) He might have been trying to set you up for humiliation or something.

 

Yes, immediately after he asked me if I thought he was hot, I started to think that he was gay, and people started to think that he was. Especially since he hugs a lot of guys [friends, nerds] and I don't know if he's doing that for pleasure of some sort, or that he's playing around.

 

When my crush had first found out that I was "bi", when he was over at my ex-gf's house on msn messenger, he started making fun sort of that I was bi, but he told me he was "bi" the next morning in an email. This could be the same thing happening with him.

 

I am comfortable with people knowing, it's just I am a nervous sort of person at first.

[Imaginary]

I am comfortable with people knowing, it's just I am a nervous sort of person at first.

 

Well, me too, but I still didn't haven't taken that step... when people ask me, I just flat out lie, and that's it. I sorta admire you... I guess .

 

(Hmm.. he kinda outed you, didn't he?)

[Erk]

My parents do know. My mother doesn't believe completely that I am. They told me that they don't want me to tell people, otherwise they would take me out of the school. Well, they wont know that people know, and I am okay with people knowing, so they shouldn't find out

 

Oh and Max Jax, I don't know if my parents would take me to something like that, because they don't want me out to the public "for my safety", which sucks, unless I did find one in town, but I doubt it. =P

 

(Hmm.. he kinda outed you, didn't he?)

 

Yeah lol. I didn't know he would spread it like that.

[FoxLocke]

I don't know what it is about guys in Junior/Highschool, but they seem to have this weird Lust/loathe thing when it comes to their gay peers.

 

I remember I used to be picked on in gym class...But sometimes it all bordered on sexual harassment. I remember once this guy--in private--cornered me and showed me his penis. I was floored to say the least. He didn't do it in a teasing manner either...The look on his face was absolutely serious. I never told anyone about that...But now I thinking about it I wonder was he trying to make a pass at me.

Plus, some of them would say suggestive things to me and even blow kisses at me. Mind you, this was when I was trying not to be gay...

 

Of course you had your overt haters who would say, "Oh you f@g, you Qu$$r, punk!" and etc...but there were two other guys who borderline sexually harassed me.

When that guy asked you if he was hot my mind automatically went back to those moments.

 

Anyway, Erk, just hold your head high and be proud of who you are. Now that the cat is out of the bag they have nothing to hold over you. Just be careful of homophobes...Some people will probably try and react with ignorance and violence just to prove their masculinity.

[Erk]

I don't know what it is about guys in Junior/Highschool, but they seem to have this weird Lust/loathe thing when it comes to their gay peers.

 

I remember I used to be picked on in gym class...But sometimes it all bordered on sexual harassment. I remember once this guy--in private--cornered me and showed me his penis. I was floored to say the least. He didn't do it in a teasing manner either...The look on his face was absolutely serious. I never told anyone about that...But now I thinking about it I wonder was he trying to make a pass at me.

Plus, some of them would say suggestive things to me and even blow kisses at me. Mind you, this was when I was trying not to be gay...

 

Oh wow, that must have been very scary for someone to do that 0.o

 

I remember last year, when I went to catholic/private school, there were two guys who liked to say sexual things to me like, one of them whispered, "I'm going to lick your ahole", and when I was getting confirmed, one of the guys had been partnered with me to walk down the isle in church, and he asked me, "Have you ever f'ed someone" or something like that. He even pulled down my pants on gym days, where we would wear sweatpants. I remember the day he did that, I was shocked out of my mind.

[KIDD]

I remember I used to be picked on in gym class...But sometimes it all bordered on sexual harassment. I remember once this guy--in private--cornered me and showed me his penis. I was floored to say the least. He didn't do it in a teasing manner either...The look on his face was absolutely serious. I never told anyone about that...But now I thinking about it I wonder was he trying to make a pass at me.

Plus, some of them would say suggestive things to me and even blow kisses at me. Mind you, this was when I was trying not to be gay...

 

 

 

Wow, sound like we almost had the same high school experience.I never was really teased. I just had instances where people would come up to me & ask me if I was gay. I also had moments where it seemed guys would hit on me back in middle school or high school. Even blow kisses at me like you mentioned Foxlocke.There was alot of guys that did this. Made me wonder if basically my whole school was just about Bi/gay or curious?

[Imaginary]

I remember I used to be picked on in gym class...But sometimes it all bordered on sexual harassment. I remember once this guy--in private--cornered me and showed me his penis. I was floored to say the least. He didn't do it in a teasing manner either...The look on his face was absolutely serious. I never told anyone about that...But now I thinking about it I wonder was he trying to make a pass at me.

Plus, some of them would say suggestive things to me and even blow kisses at me. Mind you, this was when I was trying not to be gay...

 

I would freak. Or have a nervous breakdown. Or both. I had something much, much, much lighter happen to me... this guy went around calling every other guy his boyfriend, he even made out with one or two of them... for a joke. Just one big joke. Anyway, he started to get like that with me, but I cutted all ties with him as soon as I could. He was kicked out next year.

[Erk]

Alright, no one talked about it today, and I told my 'old-crush/friend' that I thought the guy was actually pretty cute, and he told me that he should know that in order to bring his ego up about his looks. (He even said that he thought he was a very handsome person one day) So then he would be like "Not only do girls like me, but so do guys too!", though I don't know if he would think that. So he went to his myspace and messaged him that I thought he was cute.

 

Then he was back from his 'away' status and then IM'ed my friend. My friend told me that he replyed with something, but he couldn't tell me. I asked him, "Was it about me or him?", and then he said "That would give it away". Then I asked, "So he's gay?", and he said no. Unless that is like keeping a secret or something, or I don't know.

 

Earlier in the conversation, he was telling me about how people thought he was gay. He told me that someone on his bus told him that the guy told 'the someone' that he was gay.

 

Hopefully I'll be able to find out what he told my friend tomorrow..

[Imaginary]

Don't make the mistake my friend did: She began a relationship with another girl, even though they were incompatible, just because she was the only other lesbian around.

 

You sound kinda... interested, I dunno. But you shouldn't base a relationship on just sexual orentation.

[FoxLocke]

I agree with imaginary.

 

I think this guy might be confused about his sexual orientation and maybe just trying to experiement on you, Erk.

 

That kind of thing could only lead to pain and heartbreak. In a way you do seem a little interested in him...and that could potentially lead to love, and him being confused about his sexuality could be the most damaging to you.

 

Most insecure straight guys want to experiment on guys who are rumored to be gay. That was probably what happened to me when the guy showed me his member. That only freaked me out and pushed me further into the closet...

[Erk]

Hehe, my stomach was really queasy at that moment, (Asking all the questions and all..) because I am really nervous about him approaching me in my 3rd class tomorrow after knowing that.

 

I am only interested a little bit, but there are some reasons why I wouldn't try him, because he is very disruptive in class and his attitude sometimes makes him very intimidating. Yes, I know you shouldn't start a relationship only because of their sexuality and that also makes it look sort of "not-natural-true-love". (I would love to wait for the right person) It's hard to even think about being with him.

 

I just have a huge interest in knowing who is gay or a lesbian. I remember when I found out that this girl in my class was a lesbian, I was like "OMG, AWESOME" in my mind and I was being all 'calm, cool, and accepting' of it. I immediately became friends with her after giving her a note, and we plan to do some hanging out later on. (Whew..sorry I'm going off topic sort of..)

[Imaginary]

The whole he-is-cute deal was kinda misleading Well, if he is disruptive and intimidating, I'd say be careful, since those two qualities aren't exactly the best examples of stable emotions. But it's awesome that you are trying to meet gay/bi people

[Erk]

The whole he-is-cute deal was kinda misleading Well, if he is disruptive and intimidating, I'd say be careful, since those two qualities aren't exactly the best examples of stable emotions. But it's awesome that you are trying to meet gay/bi people

 

Oh, I do think he is cute, just I don't really like him.

 

In 3rd class today, the guy was asking me questions out loud about my sexuality. He said are you bi? I said yeah, and then he asked me if I was proud and I said sure.. and then my teacher overheard what he was saying and she told him to watch what he was saying. I was glad she said that, because it shut him up pretty well. =)

 

Okay, today I came out to my 4th class today. I hang out with all the girls, and then one of them asked if I was gay. I told them I was bi and I was more gay. So I'm like really out now, lol. With the majority of people being fine with it, I'm not scared of people who think it's gross or funny anymore.

[drjqd112804]

heh. thats cool.

i came out when i was 14 also (im 18 now), a freshman in high school.

and i never got why people were afraid to come out.

i told one person, then another, then my whole table, then my whole class, then my mom, then my stepdad, then my whole school, then a few years later i told my real dad and stepmom (they never had a reason to know)

 

btw - i nkow this is off topic but ur gonna get everyone freaking out about aids and stuff saying ur gonna get it.. it takes alot of guts to go get tested. whereas u might not have it, probably dont, the person you might be doin it with might have it so use protection

 

i dont use protection, never have, but i've been w/ only one person (well 3 but it doesnt count) and i've been with him for over a year now so yeah. and we both got tested a few months back.

 

and dont ever let someone talk you into having sex if you dont want to.

cuz if u dont want to, and you try to do it, it probably wont work. (it didnt for me for the first few months we tried)

 

 

hmm.. oh and here is a tip - if ANYONE ever talks sh** about you to a point where its daily, go to your principal/guidance counselor and tell them.

 

its against the law for them not to take action - harassment is harassment and if they dont take action you can go to the school board and they could get fired.

 

 

[Erk]

That's a good tip. If people do bother me, then I can get my guidance counselor to deal with them =) Never thought of that.

 

Recently, I got new classes and a guy who found out was in one of them and he told his friends about it, so they were smiling and staring at me with widened eyes and they were freaking me out like seriously. (One of the guys I have a crush on, lol.) The next day, one of them blew a kiss at me and I blushed. But I'm just going to keep being nice to them, and just smile.

[Imaginary]

That's a good tip. If people do bother me, then I can get my guidance counselor to deal with them =) Never thought of that.

 

Recently, I got new classes and a guy who found out was in one of them and he told his friends about it, so they were smiling and staring at me with widened eyes and they were freaking me out like seriously. (One of the guys I have a crush on, lol.) The next day, one of them blew a kiss at me and I blushed. But I'm just going to keep being nice to them, and just smile.

 

Your school is soooooo weird. First you have that guy continually questioning your sexual orientation, and then this. Oh well, different schools handle things differently, but it so surprizing because it's like the exact opposite at my school.