HELP HELP! please give your responses! I need HELP!

[love_junkie]

I've got a question...I've known this person for a year and we've seen each other off and on. He's always been intense...fearful of rejection and just kinda needy. I actually liked that about him, because I thought it meant we'd get somewhere (someone who appears intense and interested). Well we hung out one night, he had a buzz and told me that I was illusive and that I was one of those girls he loved. He never volunteers info like this because he thinks it's not masculine to do so. There were all these things that made me think he adored me.

Lately, things have gone kind of pear-shaped. I slept with him one night (coupla times) and he's not responded the same since. It's as if he got it and now it's not interesting anymore. I told him recently if we were going to continue sleeping together, we needed to have a relationship. He said he refused to discuss it, that he didn't want a commitment and that was that. I told him that we better not see each other anymore. I don't want just a sex partner. It's been a few days, he's not calling me, but I didn't expect him to call me with a "I change my mind, let's get together", because I know how he is.

What i don't understand is that things seemed really nice...we always have this magical time together, but I'm thinking he was using me now. What happened? How did he go from liking me and respecting me to using me? I don't understand...He put on a good act if he doesn't care. What do you think? I miss him so much and I want to be with him so much, but I think that idea must turn him off....i'd like some professional answers if you could help...What can I do? I don't meet that many people I'm totally attracted to...I want to call, but I feel I can't just be friends, so calling might be a bad idea, but i really want him.

LJ

[kdreger]

You've answered your own question. You don't want to be used, and he won't give you what you need to not feel used.

 

You have to honest with yourself. Don't be afraid of not finding someone who will give you what you need. So many people are afraid of being alone but you won't be. To find true love you have to be patient. Anyone can have sex and use or be used... but that's not what you want. You want the real thing and for that you have to be willing to be patient and spend time alone. You may miss out on the real thing if you accept something that doesn't make you happy.

[bzborow1]

told me that I was illusive and that I was one of those girls he loved

 

This my dear is a user of women. The reason he thought of you was because you were a challenge for him, you spent time with him but never gave him anything (sex)...thus he wanted the challenge of "bedding" you. Once he did he had no use for you...

 

You need to respect your views (no relationship/no sex) and get rid of this guy. I believe in the male term for this type of guy is a "player". So if you want him you can call him, but recognize that this won't be the last time he has sex with you and leaves.