Love and The Bestfriend

[JukeBox Hero]

A post about an issue that is plageing me. Sorry for typos and gramamer errors, and I hope some are sympathetic to my contradiction...

 

I love it when she smiles. I love the sparkle in her eyes. I love to hear her sing. I hate to see she cry. I love everything about her. And yet I am the BestFriend.

 

 

Me and her have been bestfriends going on 2 years. And I have enjoyed every living moment. The feeling I get from her, and overwhelming notion of satisfaction. We've had our ups and downs, as I have watched her go from rocky relationship to the next, as my shoulder is damp from her tears.

 

I, myself hve been in and out of relationships. And upon meeting her, was going out with someone new every few weeks. But I am satisifed. With ehr in my life, I feel no want for anything else. She makes me happy. She makes me smile. She is everything I want, and possibly everything I need.

 

My soul desire for her is to be happy. But at what cost?.. To watch her live it from the sideline, as she pursues her life with someone else. My heart has been shattered a million time, and put back together a million more. She causes me so much pain, but the sensation she gives is so much more.

 

Why havent I told her?. Complications... Her own bad experience is soley working against me. She had a bestfriend prior to me that she fell for.. She was bestfriends with this guy for 3 years and finally decide to tell him her feelings. When she did, he never talked to her again. She was hurt and scared. A pain that still aches her today, and one that tirlessly works against me..

 

Being her bestfriend, i care about her. and recently I have come to the conclusion that there is no one else like her. No one else in this county or any other that I have access to, that I want. She is amazing to me in everyway. Beautiful, smart, funny.. and she takes pride in me? .. lol..

 

Recently she has begun to like another new guy. Just as I have coem to the relization I care so much for her.. And what am I to do?.. First off, doing the thing a bestfriend would do.. I said..as always.. go for it, if he makes you happy. Later realizing what i said, i told her my real opinion and how i protested against it.. Well she went to a party.. i worried about her, but thnaked god to know she got home alright.. She didnt drink, but i was worried nonetheless, as i had been up hours about sick to my stomach thinking of the worst possibility..

 

Then to find out she had a great time because that newest guy to catch her attention was there and they had fun... You can imagine my anguish.. I got a little upset and she knew.. And we even talked a few things over.. but then i decided to play it safe and go back to as if nothin happened...

I'm so confused..

 

This girl is amazing.. I've tried to throw myself in relationships to ease my mind, only to watch them fail as expected. I try to think about constant other things, but she fails to escape my mind. The pain and suffering in loving somethin that I know.. may possibly.. never love me back..

 

I think I've made this worse than it sounds.. So i'll try to clarify a few things. Me and her have been bestfriends for 2 years. I have had strong feelings for her, a year and 6 months.. This is a girl, that to me, could do no wrong.. She is both sweet and a lil wild.. I would do almost anything for her. And I would do anything to protect her form harm.. This is a girl who brings me to my knees with the mention of kissing some guy, but makes me feel near invincable when she confides how much she loves me..

 

I love the way she loves her family. I love the way she loves her firends. I lvoe the way she loves a stranger. I hate the way she loves me... as a bestfriend and maybe only a bestfriend..

 

So what are my options..

 

* Carry on day in and day out watching her go from boyfriend to boyfriend, as she breaks my heart, but then comes me to confess what she feels that she has done wrong. I am her stronghold, i'll catch her everytime she stumbles.. Live out a life in pain, but atleast i'll know shes happy..

 

* All or nothing. Confess how I feel for her, though I know I have alot working against me. My odds are slim to none, and im not sure if i could handle the the possible outcome. To me it seems liek letting her go, letting go of the one possible thing that makes me happy.. I would rather be in pain in her presense then go on withouth her..

 

* Let go. Dotn take the risk.. try to move on.. I'll never know what could have happened, but it may be better than knowing.. She would be hurt for me to just up and stop being her best friend, but her pain would heal and she could find another to confide in..

 

* I've never really believed in giving up on something you love deeply. Play it smooth and sly.. let my pain and my love be my inspiration to push forward.. Giving up seems like an impossible options..

shew.. i dont even know.. i cant sleepy.. shes what i dream about.. its not a bad thing..only when im worried about her.. The feeling i get to hold her in my arms, when she hugs me day in and day out.. with her i feel invincable, without her i feel like im nothing.. I would give up almost everything to have her.. I know i sound immature and irrational, thats why i say almost.. I hope some people can understand where I am coming form upon reading this..

[kickedin]

tell her asap...you may never know.....i was best friends......it lasted four years after i talked.........my bad i never proposed

[LollieSimone]

Please tell her. Please let her know. Don't let fear hold you back, I'm a hypocrite, I know, but if you love her, tell her before it's too late. Nothing is worse than loving someone and never telling them. It'll kill you if you don't.

[Dreng3333]

If you would do anything for this girl, prove it. Do somethings so sweet that it not only gets her attention, but shows her how you feel. roses, candelight dinner,then tell her how you feel. You seem so in love with this girl that there is no way that she doesn't have any feelings for you. If you are true to your heart, you cannot go wrong.

[stratguy620]

I can tell by the way you talk about her, this girl means everything to you, so I'm sure that the notion of losing her terrifies you. However, I promise you that the regret you will feel if you say nothing will hurt you infinitely more than the pain that you would feel if your friendship is lost.