How can you get the other side to NC

[dreamweaverdude]

I have been separated for 11 months, divorced for 6, and have not done a good job at all of emotionally pushing away or separating myself from the ex. I have allowed her to continue contact. It is causing her problems in her relationships and i can see where it is about to cause me problems if I dont get accross to her that NC benefits us both.

 

I have met someone i can see myself with for a long time, but she is concerned that i have too much contact with the 'ex' and rightfully so refuses to share, under any circumstances.

 

I have tried several times in the last few days to convey to the 'ex' that its not healthy for her or for me to continue contact if we both expect to move on, but its like she has to get 'at least ' one call in a day.

 

I guess the simpliest thing i can do is just not answer the phone and i agree, but that is only half the issue, any suggestions on how to get her to stop calling me over trivia stuff just to contact me. She thinks we should still be friends and i'm not opposed to that, but if it matters to a future SO it matters to me.

 

Suggestions.... I'm open.....

[JCAM22]

I was married for 7 years and have been divorced for 4 years......I tried to keep in contact with my ex-wife up until the last 3 months.....I didn't realize it at the time but I just got off a 4 year relationship with someone I thought would be my soulmate......the problem with my ex girlfriend was the ex-wife.....She couldn't accept that the person I was married to but divorced for 4 years was still a part of my life.....I never realized that my ex-wife was still a big part of my life and it ruined my relationship with my girlfriend.....I have since broken off all ties with my ex-wife because it is time to move on and keep the past in the past.......I have a new phrase to live by...."The past is history, The future is a mystery, and the present is great".......concentrate on your new girlfriend and make it work.....only you can do it!!!

[jl301]

hey dreamweaverdude,

 

Just hang in there alright! NC is very hard thing to do everyone, however is the best thing for you to heal from all this pain. The most important thing is for you to focus on yourself. I would wrote her letter and telling her that you need time to heal. After sometime has past then maybe you guys would work on trying to be friends. If you think is too hard for you not pick up her phone calls. May I suggest changing your number. I know that it can be a little too harsh and very inconvient. But it is really difficult to move on when you still stay in contact with them. I know for some people is impossible to do "NC" because kids are involoved. If she really needs to contact you then have her do it through email. I know is really hard and seems like you are being really harsh to her. I think "NC" is the best way to go. Hang in there and be strong for yourself.

 

jl301

[annie24]

Honestly, I think you should just stop answering the phone. Clearly, it's interfering in both your relationships, and it's time for you both to move on. Unless you have children together, there is really no need for you to talk everyday. Maybe once a month is enough.

 

You've already told her how you feel. Now just stop answering the phone.

 

good luck

[talo]

As seen here, being friends is respecting what a friend wants. If you do not want (as much) contact with a friend then a friend respects that.

 

I have had virtually no contact with some of my best friends for years, and yet when we meet we just continue on from where we were when we last met.