good sign?

[lila666]

So, in case some of you dont know my story, my boyfriend and I decided to take a break from our relationship to think about where things were heading for us, etc. There was a distance growing between us, and after thinking, I've thought that we put too many expectations on our relationship and each other and kind of jumped headfirst into a serious thing, which combusted now.

Anyways, for the past four days I've been absolutely depressed, unable to eat and sleep and crying all the time. We broke up on very friendly terms, saying that we were hoping to get back together after a proper amount of thinking/time, and said we still loved each other very much, and even though this was not something we wanted to do, we knew we had to.

This afternoon he called me, about 20 mins after I sent him a quick email saying that I was wondering how he was doing, and that I missed him very much. In the call, he told me that he was having a very hard time, he missed me, and I confessed the same. He told me he's been drinking heavily every night since we broke up, but that now is his "cleansing" time and that he's going to take the next little while to actually think about whats going on. He says theres a strong possibility that we can get back together, etc.

This phone call lifted my spirits quite considerably, it was so great to hear his voice, and even better to know he's feeling as crummy as I am. I'm thinking about initiating NC, or LC while he's doing his thinking. I have alot more thinking to do as well, and I feel like us speaking on a regular basis might blur some things. I think him and I are meant to be together, I have a lot of faith in our relationship, and its versatility. I think that if we get back together, we need to not be so reliant on each other, and to take things alot slower. Of course, there are those fears that he will eventually decide that he doesnt want to work things out, and we'd both be better off not together, etc. (I AM a worrywart Anyhoo, I'm certainly hoping for the best, and this is my first good day since we've broken up. I dont feel really HAPPY, but a lot less miserable. I hope he thinks about the right things, and what we/he/I need to do. I'm impatient to know what the end result will be, but I think it might take a little while.

Should I go for NC? How long should I wait before making contact again?

[emma34]

If it was me personally I would probably do LC, but in reality NC would probably be best...depending on how u feel about it. Also, I would say if u want to keep in touch with him, do so - why not?? It's not like you two need to phase eachother out. I'd say wait 4-5 days, then send him an e-mail or a quick phone call - but whatever u do, don't call him when ur upset/drunk..or anything like that. At the same time I wouldn't put all ur eggs in one basket - the idea of this break i'm sure was not to pine for one another, so get there, have fun.

[lila666]

Thank you for your advice. I am getting out there, spending more time socializing, and working, etc. I'm specifically avoiding doing any drinking right now to avoid calling him in such a state, to keep my head clear, and to avoid feeling any worse than I already do, so thats not a problem. I've decided I am certainly going to initiate NC for a few days. God knows I love him, I'm not putting all my eggs in one basket- I'm remaining quite cautious, and preparing myself in case it doesnt work out. All in all, I'm confident, and I feel really strong today. Who's to say how I'll feel tomorrow or the next day, but I'm glad for the day I had today.

[Pikey1972]

If you're happy to do LC, then by all means stick to LC as at least it keeps your "foot in the door". So if you feel you can handle it, then LC is fine.

 

But if you feel you're struggling to keep your emotions in check / feel you might "flip", then NC might be best to allow yourself some breathing space.

 

Good luck!

[lila666]

I think LC keeps us more connected, and possibly on task of trying to resolve our relationship...I kind of look at it as a day by day thing, really. I'm so used to talking to him mulitple times a day that a whole day of not speaking to him or hearing from him is a kind of shock. I think very limited contact might be the way to go, but I'm going to go a few days of no contact first.