Want to tell her, afraid of her reaction

[Gturtle]

Bear with me on the long story here, I've got a lot of background- so I'll just start. Keep in mind that there are some very lame and geeky elements to this whole thing.

 

It started may of this year. And here comes the geeky part- I play on a roleplaying server for a video game. Myself and another player met in the game but we soon started to talk with eachother in the community chatroom. We soon became friends and started talking about a lot of stuff that would be perfectly natural for friends to talk about. I quickly found myself liking her a lot.

She's 18 and I'm 15

, which for me, was the main problem excluding the fact that she lived in

Alabama

and I live in

California

. She's under the impression that I'm 16 because I was a bit afraid that she wouldn't treat me the same if she knew my true age. I'm quite mature for my age, and she guessed that I was 17, but I felt that agreeing with that would be a longshot. She's seen pictures of me and said that I look much older than I really am and said she liked my hair. *Shrug* Not a real compliment, I suppose. But if I do say so myself, I'm a very good looking guy. At this point I'll say that I have never seen a picture of her, and all I have to go on is her discription of herself and her saying that she felt she was very attractive. I believe her, mainly because of just what she talks about and the experiences we've talked about. And- well I just trust her. (But then again, how far does self-assurance go?

 

We kept talking for a long time, and coincidentally our characters in the game got romantically involved. Now, this in no way reflected to her the fact that

I

liked her. It's sort of a difficult concept to explain. Well anyway, we kept talking in the chatroom for a good two or three monthes. We talked about a lot of things, and often times I would ask her for advice. I was pretty depressed at the time. She would always be there to talk to me and

a lot of times we talked about guy/girl issues as well.

She told me that she didn't think I should 'get tied down' with anyone in high school. She also said once that she was not the type of person that likes to get really close to people because she thinks that it's almost a disadvantage that makes someone weak, or something to that affect. I myself could never live like that, but I just sort of agreed for the sake of agreement.

 

At the end of August I found myself in quite a predicament. At this point we had continued to talk for the entire summer- I was beginning to

really, really

like her. The bad part- She was leaving to join the army and go to basic training within a week. I decided to

casually

tell her how I felt and make it seem to her like it was

no big deal, not a big thing

for me. Which of course in reality- was the biggest deal in my life at the time. I pretty much just said that I thought she was really cool and I liked her and I hope she didn't change while she was gone in the army.

Thinking back on it now,I'm not actually certain if I was clear enough in what I was really trying to say

. I don't remember exactly, but I don't think I clearly said anything that I really wanted to say. I think she took it as just a friendship thing. She responded with a smiley and an 'lol'. Which, given the vagueness and non-concrete thing I said, may have been appropriate. The day she actually left,

all I got was a 'cya'.

 

She was gone for quite some time. A good four months. As time went on I kind of just got over her. I thought about her from time to time, but not nearly as often as I did before. I actually stopped playing the game for all of that time until she got back. She got back about three weeks ago.

Since she's been back, talking to her again has seemed to make my emotions catch fire.

Once again I find myself

thinking about her 24/7.

And since she's been back, our conversations are more natural than they've ever been. We talk less and less about the game, and more and more like we're just old friends. She made a comment yesterday that she was talking to someone and they reminded her of me. So I guess she thinks about me from time to time. We spend a lot of time just talking about random stuff, and it's really nice talking to her. I told her the other day 'You're really important to me. If you were ever to quit [The game], I'm certain that I would too. You're my favorite person to talk to in here'. She said 'Thanks, same here.'

 

I've kinda been doing the whole 'Cocky/Funny' thing. Teasing her a lot, making fun of her,

but in a joking way, of course.

I never overdo it, but we just have a lot of fun talking. What scares me is- I think I might love her. Whenever I tell myself just how -

REDICULOUS AND LAME

- this thought is, I remind myself how long I've been talking to her.

 

So now with all of that said- I ask a few things.

 

1. Is this really lame and stupid?
   
   
2. Should I tell her my feelings about her. Perhaps not use the word 'love', but just say my feelings of liking her in that way.
   
   
3. What should I do in response to various reactions I may get?
   
   

Keep in mind, this is driving me

crazy.

I'm not sure if I can just keep going as I have been and not tell her. She's all I think about. Everyday I just like her more and more.

[smilelikeyoumeanit]

I'm sorry, but let me start off by saying "aww!" Typical girl thing to do, but never the less i will tryo to provide some useful information. IT is kind of geeky, but in the it's-cool-but-gekky kind of way (that's good) I can understand liking someone for a long time and never actually saying anything (going on 1 and a half years here, lol) but i think you are confusing like with love. You like her alot, and u've probably never felt this way about a girl before, and having such stong feeling towards one person can confuse you as to wether you liek or love her. Since it's an online thing, I wouldn't expect anythign to get too serious, but hey, stranger things have happened. Before you tell her you liker her, tell her the truth about your age and anythign else you may have stretched the truth on (if you want to start a relationship u cant start it on a lie or it will crumble) Just come out and say it! (i've been telling myself to do that for a long time, so please, lead by example) Possible answers are I feel the same way. i feel the same way but i don't want to get into anything serious/ online/ long distance, i would rather be friends. I don't see her saying anything harsher then that with the way you described her. But she might have been hinting that she didnt want to get into anything serious when she said that YOU shouldn't get tied down in high school. Some girls work in those subtle ways (i raise my hand). But just give it a go mate! You have to tell her how you feel or you'll never be able to move on, either with her or someone else. I hope that helps.

[dont_know_what_2_say]

well I dont think its lame or geeky or w/e, i mean i met my boyfriend online, and met him in person nine months later so i cant say it is lame at all

I know how it feels, when i first started talking to him i just liked him, as time went on, i started to have more feelings for him, 'till the point where all i could think about was him. We even said we loved each other, way before we actually met in person, but by then we had actually seen each other in pictures, used webcams, talked on the phone and stuff.

 

And that is what is worrying me about your situation, you haven't even seen a picture of her, you might actually have strong feelings for her, but i can't say that you actually love HER but the image you have of her in your head.

 

It is not until you have actually seen her, that you will reconsider your feelings for her, and see if you still feel the same way as you do now.

I am not saying you are superficial or w/e, but it is just that now you might be thinking of her as this really 'hot chick', when you dont know that for sure, and that might make you feel stronger about her...

 

You are creating this perfect image of this person in your head, and you might be disappointed when you actually see her, but then again it might be the other way around, and you actually go crazy about the girl.

[snugglemufin]

Hello mate

 

15 years old and you are just discovering love, I know how you feel mate and understand your problems. I'm 34 now but remember all to well what it was like being 15.

 

(1) ok about your age. When I was 24, I met a girl at work who said she was 16. I fancied her, kissed her and then found out she was 15- she had lied about her age becasue the place where we worked wouldn't emply anybody under 16 - I felt dirty and awful, not cos she had lied, but becasue I had kissed a 15 year old - people go to PRISON for that kind of thing, I felt awful, but, I understood and forgave her. - CONFESS THE TRUTH TO HER about your age. If you are scared of her reaction, then you need to ask yourself if you are ready for a relationship because if you DO want a relationship, then you can't live this lie and the longer you leave it the worse it will get.

 

(2) Be honest about how you feel. This is difficult because there are WAYS in which you can tell people. You are an intelligent bloke cos I can see that you know how to use humour and psychology and comminicate and to anylase reactions and feelings - judge for yourself HOW to tell her but do tell her. Don't keep things bottled up (this gets a bit easier as you get older)

 

(3) Be honest, enjoy what you do have, but don't raise your hopes too high or take things too seriously. When we love somebody, all we do is think of that person and stop believing that we could ever love anybody. If things work out, then great, if things DON'T work out then LEARN FROM EXPERIENCE. every relationship we are in teaches us new things, good and bad. I have had a few relationships and some awful experiences, but I come throught them feeling stronger and learn so much from them. This sounds like a cliche' but you are a young lad and there are millions of beautiful girls out there so don't ever be scared to be alone.

 

(4) "GEEK" is a label given by people who think they are cool. I'm a Geek cos I play the violin and watch Star Wars but you know, ALL my g/f's loved that and thought it was cute. NEVER be ashamed of your hobbies and interests. I watch Star Trek too for goodness sake lol

 

Hope this helps

[Gturtle]

Well guys, I ended up telling her tonight. She said that she thought I was a really cool guy and enjoyed talking to me a lot. But she just 'doesn't do the internet thing.'

 

Didn't go too bad.