Just one of the girls?

[I_KicKed_keNNedy]

Having lunch with some co-workers today, two are older than me, one is a little younger. Well, one invited the other girls out to go drinking with them tomorrow night and then she turned to me and said:

 

"I would invite you [my name], but the bridesmaids are taking me out for a Girls Night thing. Although, you could probably go 'cause you're kind of 'one of the girls'."

 

And she wasn't kidding. I gave her an incredulous look (as if I could do anything else), and she was like:

 

"I didn't mean it like that. I meant that as a compliment you know..."

 

I didn't take it as a compliment though. That seems to be my problem. I do my best to keep my abrasive/sarcastic/antagonistic qualities quiet when I'm around women because I'm doing my best to be a nice guy, but this gets me nowhere.

 

I can already see the posts from you all... "All girls eventually realize they like the nice guys," and "some of the best relationships start as good friendships," and the quintessential "women will see you as a great person because of the respect you show them"...

 

But I can say with confidence that all of that is bull$hit. In the rare occasion we progress to "more than friends", they become uncomfortable whenever I start showing my lascivious side. I get taken for granted, and they leave me with the parting words "you're a really special guy, and I can't wait to see the lucky girl that falls for you..." yadda yadda f'n yadda. I didn't realize "special guys" were so disposable.

 

I spend more time with women than any male I know. You'd figure I'd have them all figured out, but I guess I don't. All I'm left with is questions, especially with the one "When is it actually going to happen?"

 

Part of me is tired of being the nice guy. Part of me wants to let loose and be the voices in my head. At least if I failed as much as I did in "love", it'd be an honest failure.

 

Whatever... happy Friday the 13th.

[CharLit]

I once saw someone else use that avatar with the subscript "I am a meat popsicle!" Makes me grin every time I see it

 

I'm really sorry things aren't working out for you in the love department, that comment from your co-worker must have really stung

 

This is my take on your personal situation: I realise I might be reading it wrong, but your post leaves me with the impression that you're putting on an act when you're around women: you're suppressing aspects of your personality because you're "doing your best to be a nice guy". You're trying to be what you think women want, it isn't working, and you're bitter about that.

Have you ever tried just being yourself around women? Personally I really like a guy who has a nice cynical/sarcastic/non-PC sense of humour, so unless you're thinking about going out and hitting baby seals over the head, maybe your real character isn't as unattractive as you think?

 

If you were just being yourself rather than making a constant effort to hide who you are, you might accross as a lot more confident, which tends to be attractive to most people, both female and male.

 

The following is more general, rather than specifically related to your post, but your complaint is one that a lot of guys have, so maybe some of this might apply to you - sorry if it doesn't!

It's not a myth that women like nice guys, most of us do. However, a lot of the nice guys who complain about women not liking nice guys tend to be not just 'nice', but also passive around women - which again comes off as underconfidence.

 

Yes, I by all means want a man who is sweet and occasionally romantic and who treats me with respect and as an equal, but I also want him to take initiative, pursue his own interests, stand up for himself - including when he and I disagree... which of course doesn't mean I won't try to bring him round to my point of view but I don't want him to just roll over and 'yes , dear' anything I say. That would quite quickly get boring.

 

I think that one of the reasons so many women do fall for the scumbags is that scumbaggishness usually comes in a package with other character traits that are incredibly attractive, such as aforementioned confidence, adventurousness etc. And we always think that we'll be the ones to change them and be left with just the good characteristics

 

I hope some of that might help, but if not I'm sure someone else can bring enlightenment here.

 

Best of luck & take care!!

[MetallicAguy]

Let loose, being a nice guy is ****. Look I'm not going to persuade you into my thinking man but, let's just say I've had more success not acting like some wimpy "nice guy" than being myself.

 

So anyhow, I think you should let loose though. I'm not saying to if you don't want too, but just respect women and be yourself and you'll be fine. Well if you want some success, try not being a nice guy for a while see where it gets ya. It sure as hell worked for me.