2 years 10 months later...

[mr. lonely]

Hey everyone!

 

This girl i was with for almost 3 years just broke up. I'll start the whole story off like this:

 

She moved to the other side the U.S. to go to school and I stood on another side (east coast, west coast). She just left for school this past summer. We were the type of couple to argue till our last nerves and then make up afterwards. So after lots of arguments she went to school over there, I dont think it was because of the arguments but because they had the types of schools she needed to persue her career. Anyways during her first couple of weeks there I went to see her for a week then afterwards we kept in contact with each other over the phone, not too much email communication. She came this thanksgiving and told me that she was talking to another during her last night on the east coast. I didnt seem offended because she said it was nothing serious and she didnt have many friends to talk to during school, at least she was honest right?

 

So i kept on calling her after thanksgiving to keep in touch and left her a couple of voicemails and text messages..she finally calls be back after a week and leaves me a voicemail telling me that shes been busy with projects, finals etc. and doesnt really have time to talk. I give her the distance shes needs to conentrate on her school work. Then she tells me that shes coming back to new york for christmas and new years. Right before she comes to visit her family she calls me and tells me that shes now in a relationship with this guy. My heart, like many other people hearts gets shattered when they hear something like this, especially after being with a girl for over 2 years. Then after the usually "living hell" experience, new years is 2 days away so i decide to call her up and ask her to have dinner with me for new years because i had nobody to spend it with. So after almost an hour of talking to her over the phone i finally manage to get her to go with me. We go to a japanese restaurant, eat drink etc. Then go to a bar and watch the new years ball drop on tv. We both hug each other and say happy new years. Then while walking her home she tells me that she cannot have certain feelings towards be because shes with someone else right now but I do still have a place in her heart as "friends" only. I say the same in return. She also says that she wished that every night could of been like this (no arguments or fighting) it was probably the calmest i've ever been with her for a long time. So i walked her to the front door of her building, we hug, she kisses me on the cheek and i kiss her back on the cheek. Then she give me one of those puppy eye looks and holds my hand.

 

After that day i called her the next morning to find out hows it going because i knew her 4 years before i went out with her (making it almost 7 years total) She tells me not to call her anymore because i hurt her in the past and she wants the wound to heal, so the more i get in contact with her the more the "wound" will open back up. She also says that she doesnt want this new guy to find out she was with me for new years.

 

After that i still call her and talk, she sometimes would answer the phone really happy and nice and sometimes would have an attitude.

 

Last time i talked with her i asked if later on we might meet up and try again, she replied "maybe. we'll see" And to call her in a few months.

 

After reading a few of the posts on this site i decided to do the NC thing and havent called her for 2 days already.

 

Any opinions on what this relationship would come out to be in the future? Theres alot of things i could still write about but rather keep it sort of short...if anybody has questions i can answer i will gladly reply back with the answers.

[Ms Omaniac]

sorry to hear your story.

but you need to leave. you need to do nc from now on. you are too easily accesible and you forgive her way to easily. she now knows it's easy to use you as a safety net. she goes to you when SHE wants to...not when you want her or need her. this is all about making her as comfortable as possible? i dont think so! you need to respect yourself. she is walking all over you because you are letting her. stop giving her that kind of control.

you need to find someone that is going to like you as much as you like them. you deserve someone to treat you with respect and dignity. i dont think she will...and she knows she can get away with it.

save yourself...protect yourself...take care of yourself....SPOIL yourself. because it sounds like this chick is doing just that.

[nikkers04]

Sorry to hear about you loss...there are plenty of us going through similar things. It is possible to meet "the one" at "the wrong" time. The only thing you can do is give her what she asked...time. In the mean time you need to tell yourself she isn't coming back....that way "if" she does it will be more of a surprise and not cause more heartache if she doesn't. I know its hard but no contact is the best she can see what its like to not talk to you at all. Thats what I'm hoping for in my case. They say each day gets easier...so far its a lie it gets harder but I'm sure someday that bottomless pit will come and I will hit rock bottom so I can start building up and feeling better. Best of luck to you pm me if you need.

[Orlander]

mr. lonely, try agreeing with her terms but tell her that you want a relationship more meaningful than a friendship. Tell her, if you truly mean it, that things would be different and you would work hard on not arguing anymore.

 

Then, do NC for a couple of months at least. Don't pick a date to contact her, but do so after enough time has passed and the thought of picking up the phone to say hi doesnt make your stomach churn. Good luck and keep us posted. Stay strong.

 

 

Orlander

[heloladies21]

Dude, this situation is a dead issue. She started seeing another man right behind your back and there's no greater disrespect. What kind of guarantee could she give you that she wouldn't do it again. Most certainly she would.

 

You don't see her just as a friend. You don't want to be friends with someone who's so disrespectful anyways. Cut her off for good and do your best to move on. There's no going back now.

[mr. lonely]

A couple of things i forgat to add...she told me i was her "1st love" and that shes not one of those rebound things with this guy. I also asked if hes ever been in a relationship as long as ours and she claims he never has. She is 20 and so am i, this "new" guy is 26 so im assuming hes been through alot of relationships and knows how to make things seem so sweet. I also read that the first few months of a new relationship seem to be like a "honeymoon", I remembered that was the case with me and this girl, afterwards it was like .ehhh, just spending time with each other...i guess things just got boring but we still had alot of feeling for each other. But from what she told me that he wants to get married, have a child with her etc etc...i dont know if this is true or to just make me feel bad...but why would a guy say those things if he only knew her for a few months? Oh and btw..hes an international student..pffft...

[valenski]

I agree with Heloladies21, dude you need to move on. Dont sap up that bs about you being her first love because when it comes to a broken heart, there is no concilation prize. Dont encourage conversations, she may just want to keep you hanging. It might seem hard in the beginning to not think of her but in time, you'll totally forget her.

Thats my opinion

[mr. lonely]

Yea...im already talking to another girl and trying to forget about the 3 years i've waisted with this other girl. What do you people recommend i do if she calls later on down the line? I've been dont to tell her to "go f&ck youself". But i've also thought about "taking" her back and then hurt her feelings back because she was telling me that she been on "both sides of the boat" in relationships, meanwhile from what she's told me...she was the one who was always leaving relationships because she was finding someone "better"...dam i feel like a loser for the time i've waisted by creating this image in my head of her and the opporunities that i let pass bye.... life goes on right?

[ocrob]

Mr. Lonely, you definitely need to go NC. I was with my ex for four years. We broke up, but not in any final way just one where she was having doubts. I kept in contact with her and she said she was dating a guy. I didn't think it was too serious so I held on hope. Well, she calls me three weeks later. I answer and she tells me she loves me. Then, proceeds to tell me she was engaged. I flipped! After not talking for a few weeks, I decided to stay friend with her. She would visit me on the weekend when her fiance had his kid. She would cuddle and even kiss me on the lips. Well, to make a long story less long, she ended up breaking up with her fiance. We hung out for a while, but it turned back into a friendship and it was torture. I spent about 8 months hoping we would get back together. I saw other women, but my heart was closed because I was waiting for her. Well, once she started dating and telling me all of the details I finally came to my senses. It has been NC for 1 month. I still think about her once in a while, but know I needed to move on. It is possible things won't work out with this guy and she will want you back, but you can't wait around. Go NC and if things are meant to be, then they will happen. You have to give up the hope and the only way to do that is to go NC. When the ex knows you are waiting around for them, you are their support system as well as their back up and they have no reason to act. Go NC my brother.

[mr. lonely]

i indeed have went NC..and am talking to other girls right now...talking to as many people as i can really DOES help. I stood inside the first few days after we last met and felt miserable about myself and all the things i told her that hurt her feelings sometimes i wished i would of went back in time and never said those things to her but hey...you learn from your mistakes right? Now if im not around any people i sometimes just take a walk for a few minutes outside with a pack of cigarettes and probably call up some people and talk.

 

Oh yea, i found out through some sources that my ex started to drink, smoke pot and cigarettes and take sleeping pills since she got back..pffft looks like i really wasnt the one to suffer the most because of her decision after all! Two thumbs up for me!

 

Forgat to add this in earlier: The last time i talked to her (which was 3 nights ago) I asked her to either throw out my pictures along with this small ceramic dog i gave to her as a gift or mail them back to me. She said that shes going to keep the pictures of me when i was a child and the ceramic dog because i was nagging her to mail them to me when she gets back to her school in a few weeks...I dont know what that means...can any females comment on that?

 

Thanks for all the support and opinions i've gotten so far...This site has showed me the light (probably sounds silly..but yea)

[mr. lonely]

Ok today the ex messages me via internet. Didnt talk about anything, i asked how shes feeling...replies "fine, u?" i say "im ok i guess". I mentioned that i sent her an email. She probably checked it but told her she should read it when she has time and is alone. Then we ended the conversation and said bye to each other....

 

 

** this was after 2 weeks of no contact...im definitely not expecting anything else from her.

 

another thing i forgat to add. I told her that i was shocked that she actualy came online and messaged me, she replies "lol yea me too! just kidding"

[NubianLove]

not sure if u still check this, but I think the issue might have been age and not knowing what she wanted, or you both being young. I also think that she probably got tired of the arguing. All that gets old after a while, she probably appreciates the calm and peace of mind with this guy. I think in your situation NC would be best, I see her coming back after u because of how nice the situation appears as seen with the new years encounter.

[mr. lonely]

Thanks for the post -NubianLove. This is my first time logging in for a few weeks.

 

About the age thing, we were both born in the same year, just different months (5 months difference)

 

The arguing.. That was most likely the major issue we had. And yea, now that a few months has past since we broke up, I look back at the arguments and the reasons we stressed ourselves over seem so miniscule in the relationship we both had.

 

During this time I have alone really gave me the chance to think about alot of things. It surely made me alot more mature and also taught me a lesson for future relationships that I will have.

 

She might return back home for the fall semester or might just stay in school over there..dont know for sure, but i sure do miss not seeing someone (especially her) since new years.. I know she didnt forget about me but doubt she thinks much about me since she's distracted with this new relationship. I do know for sure that she'll never find someone like me who she can be herself around, not be ashamed of things to do around (Once she was sick and vomitted outside of my car and was crying so I kissed her on the lips which she didnt wipe yet and told her that I loved her, I am a very clean person but that may seem gross to other people but im the kind of guy who alot of people dont have to be up-tight around)

 

Anyways, im going outside now to enjoy some fresh new york city air

 

To all those who recently broke up with your loved ones, believe me, everything will be ok over time..you just cannot sit at home. Go out, drive somewhere, spoil yourself with some tasty food, go shopping (im a guy and love to shop) etc etc. __JUST DONT STAY AT HOME AND CRY--