Jealousy?? Input please

[SuperDuper]

I'd like some personal opinions on jealousy.

I feel that with my ex, we have a certain connection that none of her other guy friends can relate to, or come near with.

 

Today my ex came to me at my locker and we chatted for a bit, then she touched my arm and said bye when I went to class. We then met up at lunch time and talked for 15-20 minutes. Had some laughgs.

 

Then at the end of the day we walked to the bus together. (My car's getting fixed).

 

She suggested we go driving after school too, but the roads were icy.

 

I sometimes feel jealous of this guy Steve because it seems they may like each other, although I never ever see them talk at school.. but they do hang out together while in a group and stuff.

 

I know since we're not dating I have no say in who she can talk to. I really don't care. I just don't like these insecure feelings. Any reasurring words out there you can throw at me?

 

Someone told me that how HE and HER relate, has nothing to do with how I make HER feel. This got me thinking.

 

Please post some replies, thanks.

[Jjasonn28]

Well, if you are having these feelings, then perhaps you still have feelings past just a friendship. I have the same feelings at just the thoughts, with my ex.

 

Until you move completely past her emotionally.. id say its normal to feel that way. One day, you wont.

[ShySoul]

I agree. In your heart you still have feelings for the girl, and as long as you do the thought of them with someone else isn't very pleasant. I had the same feelings with someone I liked. Even though we were technically never in a relationship, her mentioning another guy or me mentioning another would each make us a little jealous of the person. It's perfectly natural to feel that way. The important thing is that you don't let those feelings overwhelm you or lead you to do things you shouldn't do.

[SuperDuper]

Should I not even care what goes on between them, since what goes on between her and I is the only thing that matters?

 

His MSN name today said "can't stop thinking about you.."

but it could've been related to his 2 past ex gf's. Or it could of been about my ex girlfriend. I don't know..

 

It just seems that we're suppose to be together, and thinking of her her with another guy just seems.. surreal. I've seen her with her ex bf, 2 months after she broke up with me.. but I was somewhat healed, and didn't care really.

[ShySoul]

Don't over anyalze things like away messages. They can mean anything and you'll just drive yourself crazy thinking about it.

 

If they start to heavily flirt or go out, then you kind of have to take that into consideration. But don't start reading into things or worrying about it without real good reason.

 

Why did you break up? Do you think there is any chance you could get back together? Perhaps you should talk to her about these feelings cause it seems like you still have very strong feelings for her. It's better to get it out there and figure out if there is still a chance then to secretly pine for her and torture yourself wondering who she is with and if anything is going on with her and another guy.

[SuperDuper]

We broke up in the beginning of June 2005. She ended it because she said she just wanted to be friends. That's the truth. She didn't bail after that either. We remained close and hung out through the summer.

 

I realized I wouldn't move on like that, and I didn't like just being friends with all of my emotions still with her. SO I did NC for a few months. In these months we each found someone new, but they weren't Mr/Ms right so it didn't work on both parts.

 

Late November 2005 she initiated a conversation with me and we've been talking daily ever since. We've hung out multiple times and multiple different occasions. Sometimes she initiates up to 3 talks with me a day, and we talk on the phone occasionally. Christmas night at 12pm, out of the blue she said .. "I dont know how you feel, but I want to be friends".

and she said "is that okay with you?".. and I replied "why wouldn't it be? just because we're talking again?"..

 

she said yes.

I do want to be with her again, and I told her my honest view on "us" when she brought it up. I told her that I started getting feelings for her again, and I asked why she invited her ex boyfriend (me) over to her house if she didn't have any intention of getting back together.

 

She replied "hanging out with you is fun". she then admitted she was thinking of getting back together but realized that's not what she wanted, and confessed that she's confused and doesn't know what she wants.

 

Bear in mind this was over 2 weeks ago.

Since then I've been to her house, and her to mine. We've driven around, hung out, talked at school, and every night on MSN. I can't help but feel she's interested again.. and I want to be with her, though I haven't brought up my feelings since she broguht up this talk on Christmas night.

 

She is the type of girl that doesn't like talking about the "mushy" stuff.. and just likes living each day as it comes. She doesn't like taking relationships and "bf/gf" really serious. But I still feel she's somewhat interested and I want that to come out of her, since i'm here with open arms.

 

I act as if I don't care what happens.. I am happy with my life outside of her and have a great outlook despite the controversay with her. I know her and steve's relationship, if they even have one... shouldn't be on my mind... but it's tough to deal with.

 

I feel that if I stick around and be the "friendly friend" .. than I won't get what I want in the end. I want her and I to be together. But I enjoy our time together, and I love her company because she's an amazing person and she's SO beautiful.

 

I don't know what to do. I feel if I bring anything up.. it'll set me back at square one, and she'll feel pressured and might back away. I know she likes my company because she's proved it, by calling, messaging, setting up plans, inviting me over, etc.

 

I've contemplated as to whether I should just write her a long note describing how I feel, and then be on my way.. but I dont know.

 

Sorry this is a ramble, but I need to get it out and you seem to be listening.

[ShySoul]

Ramble as much as you want. Sometimes getting it all out like that is a big help. I'm here to listen.

 

You are in a tough spot. Sounds like she is struggling with this too. Part of her wants to get back together, the other part says stay friends. And really, she has to make the call on what she wants. You did the right thing in being honest with your feelings but not pressuring her into more. Problem is, anything you do could work to your advantage or backfire just as easily. Say how you feel again, she may admit to feeling the same or she may get uncomfortable and pull away. Stick to friends and she may like you more or be ok with not dealing with her mixed feelings. I can't get a good idea of how this girl is thinking.

 

You are probably going to have to take it day by day and see how she is responding. Give her time to work out her feelings and be less confused. If you still like her, its ok to still think about being together. At the same time though, if something else comes along don't be afraid to take a chance on it. If you two are supposed to be together again, it will happen. One of you will probably get to the point where you can't hold it in anymore and you have to say something. Time and patience are whats needed here, though I know that stinks and is frustrating.

 

Really hope things get better. It's a rough spot, both liking each other and wanting it, but at the same time not being sure if you should. Hang in there.