Accepting the loss..

[Jjasonn28]

Hello everyone

 

Every day, gets a little better. I am doing my best to accept that I have to say good bye to not only my girlfriend, but my best friend. Of course, it IS going to be a Titanic struggle, but I am trying to understand that, and prepare myself for it.

 

She has called every day since deciding to move on. Mostly to just check up on me, and see how Im doing. She genuinely is concerned that I hurt. But she has also called a couple times because she is having a difficult time too. Now, when she cry's it hurts. I cannot stand to hear or see her cry. I just want to take her away from everything, hold her, and comfort her until she no longer hurts..

 

But this week has been different. Of course I am still sad that she is sad, and I still dont like to see or hear her upset.. but for some reason, I have a sense of satisfaction from it.. I feel aweful. Dont get me wrong, it doesnt please me that she hurts.. but I think knowing that this change is hard on her, and pains her too... makes me feel just a little better.

 

I dont have to wonder, 'how can she walk away, and not be hurt'. I know this hurts her too.

 

That being said, I question a few things. Am I a horrible person to be getting some sort of 'satisfaction' from this?

How is it that we ever learn to trust love again? I mean, after giving your all, being so sure, and have it fail...

What reason is there to not put up walls, and protect ourselves from even the possibility of such an agonizing hurt again?

 

Sure, I admit being in Love is amazing... but it seems that the Hurt of a broken heart, overshadows everything else. Okay, I suppose that isn't fair. However, I am concerned that I may never trust enough to let love lead the way again...

 

Now its way to early for me to look forward, and honestly it makes me a little sick to think of myself in love with anyone else.. but, when we are down, we search for answers, an understanding...

 

Anyone have answers?

[Relationship Coach]

Jason,

 

I know exactly how you feel and getting some satisfaction knowing that she is suffering as well does not make you a bad person. We often hope that the other person is in fact hurting. Imagine how you would feel if she was happy and cheerful when she called, you would feel worse. In a sense, we want them to share in our pain.

 

I'm not familiar with your situation as I have not read back through your previous posts yet but I will. I can tell you this, your feelings towards another relationship and being able to trust again are very normal. Your survival instincts have kicked in. If you got deathly ill from eating bad sushi, the thought of eating sushi again in the near future probably wouldn't settle with you. Someday you will realize that all sushi isn't bad and will eventually acquire a taste for it once again.

 

Matters of the heart like this are tough but Jason, you will recover and move on to another relationship. The healing stage does take time but when you find that person that steals your breath away and makes your chest pound you will unknowingly lower your walls. Hang in there and I would consider NC for a while, it's best for both of you right now. It's hard to move forward when you both are focused on the rear view mirror.

 

Best Wishes.

[coooolsome]

You are not a horrible person. I at times hoped that my ex's life was miserable, but you get past it. Give yourself time to heal b/c you will be able to love and trust again in time. I thought the exact same thing as you 4 months ago and now, I am back to myself. I know I can love again, I can trust again, I am stronger and you will be too. Here is the other thing, if you want to heal, go NC. Cut her out of your life. With her contacting so much, you are not able to heal, and she is able to ween herself off of you. Dont make it easy on her while you suffer.

 

I have Cut her completely out of my life now for 2 weeks, as in, no myspace, aim, nothing, and I feel great. I have no idea what is going on in her life and I really dont care anymore.

[Teapot]

I understand how you feel, it hurt me so much when my boyfriend told me he didn't want to get back together after our break, then a week later he told me he had found somebody. It hurt to know that he had left me because he didn't want the commitment and then found somebody else. It made it worse knowing he was having fun and I was sat at home thinking of him. But then he let on that he missed me and would sometimes say he did want to get back together, but then change his mind again, he's a little confused. I know now that he has split up with that girl that he does still have feelings for me, he just doesn't want the relationship we had. People say NC is the best thing, but I don't, I sit at home wondering where he is, what he's doing, whether he has been with another girl yet. He was my best friend and my boyfriend, if I cant have him as a boyfriend but I can still have him as a best friend, I focus on that. I haven't lost him completely and it helps me now. I feel happier knowing that if I'm down he will give me a hug or just comfort me on the phone. I admit I do still want him back, but speaking to him helps me realise again, that he is still a big part of my life.

[Jjasonn28]

Thank you all for your response.

 

I guess Im the billionth person to feel this way.. (give or take). Hopefully, in the future, I will come to understand what this all meant, or why it happened this way.

For now, I will do my best to focus on moving forward. Everyone is telling me to cut contact. And deep down I know it would help me to move on faster. We have a few things to get out of the way, joint accounts.. co signings and such.. but for the most part I think I am just about ready to do that. I havent made the attempt to contact her once.. so far, it has been all her.

Of course, when I hear that long distance ring, my heart jumps, and I answer it.... When the details are taken care of, I hope I can find the courage to let it go..

 

I really would like to thank you all for your kind words and encouragement. Its funny, that help can come from the places you least expect. My friends and family have all been great. I am so glad that I havent put up walls, and shut people out. In fact, a bunch of us are gonna go out for a social dinner tonight. I really am looking forward to it.

 

I'll keep you posted on my progress.... Thanks again